DAY 70, Post 2

I only have a few minutes before I need to get ready for work.  Today I work 8-4.  I clearly upset my General Manager yesterday when he saw the note that I had updated my availability for work.  He came to ask me about not being able to work on Sundays, and I stated to him that the church has asked me to help out.  While I haven't written about it on here before, the church has contacted me to assist in the Children's Ministry, particularly in the childcare rooms during services.  I would be honored.  But I can't (personally)commit unless I know that I will not have to work on Sundays.  It would be unfair for them to count on me unless I can commit to not working on Sundays.  And seeing as I had been thinking about it for some time anyway, I think it's the right thing to do.  As Christians we aren't supposed to work on Sundays anyway, so what better way to "work" then to help out at my church?

I've spent the last hour scouring the internet for jobs and luckily found a couple to apply for.  While for the most part I like the people I work with at my job, the pay and hours really aren't working for me.  And having a four year degree, I am really concerned that I will get trapped in the minimum-wage restaurant track if I don't make a change soon.  I'm grateful that I've made it the three months I have there so far though.  Seriously, the job is MUCH more intense than I ever expected.

While looking for a new job, I've also been giving a lot of thought to going back to college.  I'm debating between education and therapy/counseling as far as majors go, and I will continue to think about it, probably until the fall.  Both of my moms went back to school later in life, and both went back after the age of 32, so I can wait a bit longer until I figure out if this is my calling.  The thought of taking out more student loans continues to be troubling to me, but pursuing a career in interior design/architecture is proving to be difficult, especially due to the geographic constraints imposed by the divorce.  And there is no way I will move out of the area and lose time with my boys.  NO way.

DAY 68, Post 3

I'm really beginning to resent my neighbor's car alarm.  It has a double honk, and the "beep beep" gets me every time, as do the placement of their headlights.  I need to find something else to focus on.  Something else to distract me and put my thoughts into, as this isn't working for me.

It was a tough day at work.  It was a tough day period.  I entered this week feeling really optimistic about what could lie ahead, and so far I...  Haven't been totally disappointed but it's not where I thought I would be this week.  At all.

DAY 67, Post 2

I am completely exhausted, physically and just about emotionally.  I worked 9-1/2 hours today, which was long, but was nice because it got me a little bit closer to having overtime this week as I was only scheduled for 7 hours.  But still, working 2-1/2 hours past when I was planning becomes a little draining.  Luckily, the last couple hours flew by.

I found myself scanning the line all day, however, to see if there was anyone I knew.  And by someone I know, I mean either the face of CL-WoW whom I long to see, or CT, who is always a friendly face to see.  Either would have been welcome, despite my differing reasons for wanting to see them individually.

Tonight is night two of not having the boys.  Per the divorce agreement, DH has them Wednesday and Thursday nights, and because he has them this weekend (Friday - Sunday nights), I will not see them until Monday.  It makes for a VERY quiet apartment when I get home, and on nights like tonight when I'm drained, I don't really know what to do with myself.  It's too early to go to bed, however I had intended to go to the grocery store and I really don't feel like it.  I should go though.  Perhaps when I'm done posting.

Actually, I don't know what else to write.  My mind is just sorta...  Numb.  I don't think I can put into sentences anything that is running through my brain right now.  And as disgusting as it might sound, I could really go for an (entire) angel food cake and a Green Goodness.  I think I might just make that trip to the grocery store.

DAY 65, Post 4

I want to put a HUGE thank you out there to my sweetie-pie Thing 2.  He totally made my night by having a dance party in the living room with me.  We danced to "Try a Little Tenderness", and let me tell you...  I could feel it in my belly when we were through!  Now I know how I'm going to get rid of the belly fat that doesn't want to go away, despite the weight loss.

The boys have finally migrated their way upstairs to bed, however I know they will be up for a while as Penny has found something to bark her head off at.  And while I know they should go to sleep, I am somewhat comforted by the sounds of their voices.  I supposed I should go confiscate their DS's for the night though.

Now that the details of the divorce have been figured out, I sit here thinking...  Now what?  What do I put my efforts in to now?  I was worried I hadn't put enough time into my divorce documents, however after looking at DH's documents, I was FAR more detailed than he was.  I must admit, his lack of detail put a slight smile on my face.  Considering how I would get criticized for my laziness, his work seemed a bit half-ass to me.  And while yes, my work schedule is a bit unconventional, up to now I HAVE had the boys more of the time than he has.  So...  HA!

But really...  What now?  Where do I concentrate my efforts?  I am thinking job searching would be a good route.  And reading a book I picked up at church that Pastor Mike wrote, Money Matters.  The topic of bankruptcy came up at both the therapist's office and at court today, and I am mixed on the subject.  While yes, it would be nice to have my creditors off my back, I have guilty feelings about writing off my debt.  I got myself into this mess.  To me, I really should try to get myself out of it.  Unfortunately I know the debt will take longer to pay off then the seven years a bankruptcy will stay on my record, especially in my current employment situation.  I guess this is something I will REALLY need to think through.

Despite the fact that I myself went to a therapist today, I have been giving a lot of thought to what I would like to do with my life.  And I've realized that I love helping, or rather attempting to help people.  An ad keeps coming up on Facebook for a degree to become a Christian therapists, and I clicked on it today just to see what it's about.  I'm not going to deny that the thought of going back to school and accruing even more debt scares the shit out of me, but I really don't think that design is my calling.  I REALLY want to help people.  But perhaps I should sit/sleep on this thought for a while...  At least a few months if not a year.  Thing 2 will be in Kindergarten in the fall, and life may or may not become simpler then.

DAY 65, Post 3

Today is... Bittersweet. I should be celebrating. DH and I reached a settlement and the divorce will be final as soon as the paperwork is filed. But I feel so alone.

CL-WoW and I had plans to celebrate D-Day. And he has nothing to celebrate in his own life, but I'm selfish and all I want is him... Here. I want to wrap him up in a huge hug that feels like it lasts forever. I want to take away his stresses and worries for as long as I can. And I can't.

I hate not having control. I hate not being able to make him smile. I hate not being able make him happy. And I hate to hate.

DAY 65, Post 2

Well, today could be the day!  And although I'm overwhelmingly excited about that possibility, I'm starting to feel very nervous.  Honestly, I don't know what to do with myself.

I've written my list of wants, which I will give to my attorney as a reminder when I get there.  And I hope that what I can get is somewhere close.  The most important thing on the list, is something I really can't ask for, but I would like for him to not harass me anymore.  It's becoming an ongoing issue, especially when he attends every single sporting event/practice for the boys, including on the days/weekends when I have the boys.  I should note, however, that not only does he attend, but he sits right next to me.  OK, not right next to me, but only leaving space for the kids between us.  And he watches my every move.

I started my own personal counseling this morning.  It was very personal, however I'm hoping to get a lot out of it.  So far my therapist seems very communicative, which is definitely better than a couple of my past therapists.  The type that just sits there and doesn't say a word doesn't do anything for me.  I need to be pushed.  I need to be challenged.  And I hope to get this from her.

I weighed myself on the Wii balance board yesterday.  It had me at 141 pounds.  Yikes.  Or Yay?  I don't really know what to think.  The funny thing is, the Wii said my ideal weight is 140 pounds.  I haven't weighed 140 (or 141) pounds since I graduated college.  And while I think I look great, I'm growing frustrated with having to buy new clothes.  My favorite bra doesn't even fit anymore.  Who would've known that boobs would shrink?

DAY 63, Post 5

During all my time outside today, I couldn't help but think more about how much I would LOVE a hammock on my back patio.  Do I have money for it?  No.  Should I spend any of the (hopeful) divorce settlement money on a hammock?  No, probably not.  But darn, I would love one.

So I decided to look and see how much a hammock would cost me, and here's one that I found and really liked...

DAY 63, Post 3

Church was amazing this morning.  Pastor Mike spoke a lot about forgiveness and said a few things that really spoke to me.

"Mercy is grace for the undeserved."

"Forgiveness isn't just for the offender but also for the one who was offended."

"The wise forgive but don't forget."

"Don't be a grace abuser."

"Divorce is sometimes the lesser of two mistakes."

No, I don't remember all of these things by myself when I leave church, but I take notes in the back of my Bible during the service.  And I'm so glad I do.  At first I worried that writing and highlighting in my Bible was sacreligious, but I've realized that how else am I going to remember the lessons and thoughts that really touched me?

A specific Bible verse also touched me...

"Let any one of you who is without a sin be the first to throw a stone at her."

John 8:7

Like my scoffer last night, how often are we ready to cast judgement on someone else, when we ourselves have committed wrongs in our own lives?  And how fair is that?

You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgement on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself..."

Romans 2:1

I left church feeling total forgiveness for all wrongs committed against me.  And I mean ALL wrongs.  And I can't tell you how much more uplifted I feel.  To not feel anger or hatred is a marvelous thing.  I hope that someday all the offenders, and anyone else as well, will be able to feel such forgiveness towards me.



For if you forgive others when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Matthew 6:14-15

DAY 61, Post 2

I can't really express how I've felt today.  My emotions, feelings, etc. run all over the gamut.  Tired, motivated, proud, spiritual...  Those are just a few...

I covered a shift at work this morning for a girl who has now lost her job for not showing up and not calling up for a few shifts earlier this week.  As much as I can't stand my job sometimes, I can't imagine just letting it go.  And that's not to say there aren't times I just want to quit.  Because there certainly are.  But even if/when I find a better job, I still planning on keeping this one just as a back-up.  Will I be exhausted from working so much?  Hell, yea!  But I never want to be in the situation where I don't have a job again.  So if it takes two jobs to ensure this, then so-be-it.

While I hate to admit it, I was able to pay my rent today, by myself, for the first time since I moved in here in December.  And writing that rent check was...  Exhilirating.  After that I came home and paid part of my electricity bill as well.  Thank goodness for companies that allow partial payments!  While I could have paid the full amount that my bill showed, that would have left only a little bit of money in my account until I get paid in two weeks.  And I don't like having that little in my account.  I think I've written it before, but it's amazing how I can manage my money when I don't have a lot, but when I did have...  More...  I handled it like shit.  I don't think I've had one overdraft charge since I moved out in December.  Woo hoo for me! 

After getting home I cleaned the living room, washed one batch of dishes, took care of the trash and did a load and a half of laundry.  I wouldn't have had to do the second load of laundry but the darn cat won't stop peeing on Thing 1's bed.  Yuck, I know.  But with Penny here, Miki has taken up refuge in Thing 1's room. 

And Penny...  Damn her sometimes...  This morning I found her chewing Thing 1's NEW hearing aid, which he had left on the floor last night.  Not the place to leave it by any means, but damn it, Penny!  Thing 1 lost his hearing aid the day we moved out and DH just took him to get this new one three weeks ago.  Hearing aids, for those of you who don't know, are NOT covered by health insurance, and cost over a thousand dollars each.  So...  I will have the pleasure of covering the cost of the new earmold.  The earmold is the plastic piece that goes into the ear.  Thank goodness the electronic part was spared from Penny's wrath.

The boys have realized that the weekends they are with me coincide with the Friday's I get paid.  Thing 2 has been begging for a new baseball glove, however that's not in the budget right now.  Neither is dinner at La Fiesta, which they have been asking for as well.  The baseball glove isn't a necessity, however his glove from last year is currently missing, as is Thing 1's baseball bat.  And Thing 1's baseball practice started this week, so...  Yea...

Tomorrow is the last Saturday of sports for the boys at the YMCA until the fall, for which I am immensely grateful.  While I enjoy watching the boys play, spending over three hours of my Saturdays off at the YMCA is not the highlight of my weekend.  I'll be much happier this spring and summer watching them play baseball, especially since I am not coaching this season.  I'll miss coaching, without a doubt, but with my job at CMG, I can't afford to take off all the time for practice and games.  I don't think a parent realizes just how much time and energy coaching takes until they've done it themselves.  Unfortunately for the coaches, they suffer sometimes from the wrath of parents who don't realize the sacrifices the coaching parents make.

This week I have learned the value of patience, from a variety of experiences.  Work, customers, CL-WoW have each taught me a bit.  And I appreciate the lessons each have provided.  It's amazing, however, how much the customers taught me, and not necessarily in a positive way.  With the computers down yesterday, it was amazing how nasty some customers got when they couldn't speed through the line as they normally do.  But then there are the customers behind the nasty customers who try to make the cashier's (my) day better by joking about the previous customers.  Two women especially, put a smile on my face yesterday when they commented on the customer in front of them.  So thank you, ladies!  Patience truly is a virtue!

So for the next few weeks and months, I will exercise patience.  And it's going to be an interesting couple of weeks.  I could be divorced this coming Tuesday if everything goes smoothly at our pre-trial.  Or, it could be just shy of two weeks from now when I'm officially divorced, and if that's the case, I will patiently await the day.  I thought about the day for years, and I can patiently wait a couple more weeks for it.  And as for the other things/situations I am hoping for, I will patiently wait for them as well.  No more trying to force them to happen sooner rather than later.  If they happen, they will happen when they are supposed to.  But in the meantime I need to remind myself to focus on what I need rather than what I want.

DAY 53, Post 3

This may come to shock to anyone reading this (and from what I can tell, there's only one person reading my blog right now, haha), but...  I decided to offer another night a week of custody to DH today.  With what we're talking about right now, custody will basically be split 50/50, with the kids rotating nights with us on a 2-2-5-5 cycle.  Basically, he'll have them Wednesday and Thursday nights and every other weekend (weekend being Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights) and I'll have them Monday and Tuesday nights and every other weekend. 

There were a few reasons for my deciding to do this...
1.  Growing up, I didn't like only seeing my dad every other weekend.
2.  I don't want custody to be a huge battle come our divorce proceedings.  Honestly, I want to enter the next stage of our lives as civilly as possible, and custody would be the biggest hurdle.
3.  CL-WoW.  What's he's going through child-wise breaks my heart (for him).  And I'm trying to be a better person, so I decided I needed to give DH more time with the boys. 

On the topic of trying to be a better person, I need to come up with a different definition of DH.  The former definition doesn't go along with the mentality of being a better person.  I've already changed the ringer and message notifications for him on my cell (they weren't really...  appropriate).  But, I don't really want to go back and change all the DH's to something else.  So...  I could use new meanings for the letters DH.  Suggestions, anyone?

DAY 43, Post 3

Haha...  Seriously, the best D-Day present anyone could give me would be a kitchen timer...

For some reason, cooking loses my attention really fast, but if I'm baking, my attention remains on the oven like you wouldn't believe.

There is no way I can get the boys to eat this ham, however, I'm enjoying a plate of ham and green beans tonight.  Wow, it's nice to eat...

DAY 43, Post 2

It was an emotional day at work, and for once the emotions weren't from me. I must say, as bad as I felt for the two emotional ones, I found comfort in knowing I'm not the only one who gets emotional there to the point of tears. I think one of my co-workers is having a hard time with the requirements of the job, and the lack of a break that is sometimes received (especially by the opening shift), and I found myself reminding myself how thankful I am just to have a job.

Today marks T minus one-month to D-Day. Nine years ago I was counting down the days to the wedding, and now I'm looking forward to having my single life back to myself, officially. Can I even call it a single life though, considering now I have two boys, a dog and a very fat cat to support?

I got home today to find a notice in the mail that my Food Stamps have been terminated as of the end of this month due to child support. As scary as this could be for me, I'm not scared. Somehow I know everything will work out. I don't know how yet, but I know it will.

DAY 42, Post 2

I'm feeling a little bit like a Mercy Me song I've been listening to...

"I'm finding myself
At a loss for words
And the funny thing is
It's ok."
~Word of God Speak

This past week was interesting...  Good, bad, easy, difficult, funny, sad, etc.  I really don't know what, if anything, I could say about it.

Entertaining enough, however, was work yesterday.  The hot water heater broke, again, so the restaurant had to shut down for a bit at 3:30ish.  I was off at 4, however, so it didn't impact me.  I hadn't gotten a break, so I helped reduce some of the inventory before they had to throw it out by eating before leaving.  While I was eating, the evening shift crew started cleaning, preparing for a solid close.  One of the workers was cleaning the fryer (I think) and the next thing I knew, I heard yelling and saw flames, small flames, coming from the fryer.  It's funny how some people, including myself, don't know how to put out a grease fire.  Luckily someone knew and threw salt on the flames.

Tonight I tried out the Singles Group at Ginghamsburg.  I was younger than everyone else by about 15 years and for me that was sort of difficult.  I can't explain it, but to say I was looking for people closer to my age who would know what I'm going through.  While some of them knew and understood, I just felt...  Awkward.  I decided to leave at "Intermission" and come home.

CT and I hung out for the past two nights, and Julie helped me organize my inventory on Friday night.  Thank you, Julie!  I made pasta on Friday night for CT and I, and I have to say that a highlight of the evening was the pasta readiness test...  After we had already eaten.  There is a secret to throwing pasta, and sometimes it sticks better than others.

Right now I'm watching the portion of Star Trek (the movie) that I slept through last night.  We started off the night with Jackass 3 and pizza from Cassanos (thank you, Bronco!!), but I just couldn't last through a second movie.  I don't think I've ever been able to last through two movies.  Jackass 3, by the way, is hilarious, but also gag-inducing.  I'm just glad the boys didn't see it.  I don't even want to think about the crazy ideas they would get watching it.

Now, I think it's laundry time for me.  So much to fold, and I believe a clean apartment would make me feel better.  Unfortunately all the scrapbooking supplies I recovered are taking up a huge amount of space.

DAY 39, Post 4

BIG sigh of relief.  I've FINALLY finished my First Responses to Interrogatories for the divorce.  18 pages.  Phoo...  It feels good, yet also scary, to have them finished, as I hope I didn't forget anything.  Today marks FIVE weeks left until D-Day.  Wow.

I'm going to make this a GREAT five weeks!

DAY 35, Post 2

I was raised Catholic. I remember dressing nicer for Mass and sitting through long homilies after which I remembered nothing. I think that's what happens when you've been forced into a religious institution as a child with so say in the matter.

As a young adult I turned... Agnostic... I was spiritual, no doubt, however I doubted the existance of God with everything I had. I believed my Grandpa B. was out there watching over me, and I would pray to him when I needed something.

Later I turned to the Law of Attraction and Abraham Hicks. I still believe this philosophy holds some merit. Think positively and good things will come to you. Have you ever noticed that if your day starts off bad and you dwell on it that your day only gets worse? I believe you need to focus on the positive, as hard as that may be.

This weekend, however, I took a major emotional/religious step. Last week I decided that I will be re-baptized after my divorce is final, and I even called the Church to find out information. Last night we went to church (unfortunately we were late as I thought the service started at 5:30 instead of 5:00), and Pastor Mike mentioned that on Easter there will be a mass Baptism. I tried to approach him, however I was ushered away by someone I think was security.

This morning I decided to go to service again, this time being on time. AMAZING. I get so much more out of the service being there from the very beginning. And even though he didn't mention the Baptism today, I approached Pastor Mike and got to speak with him briefly. I WILL be re-baptized on Easter Sunday and I am elated.

The focus of this weekend's services was the book of Matthew. And the verses which struck me the most were...

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Matthew 6:33-34

I also found Matthew 6:1 to be deeply touching, although it wasn't discussed in service...

"Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' in front of others, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven."

I often had issues with people in my past with people who would do good deeds for others and then talk their mouths off about the deeds. It made me feel like they were doing it to be rewarded themselves, rather than for the "right" reasons.

I encourage all of you (and I'll do it myself) to do something good for someone else without sharing what you've done with anyone. Feel good about what you've done because you did it, not because you were praised for it by others.

DAY 33, Post 4

What an AMAZING night! And day for that matter!

Two of my parents are on their way in to see me and the boys and I will be thrilled to see them in the morning.

Tonight, the boys, my friend Ashley, neighbor JTS and I enjoyed a great night of pizza and conversation.

Ashley didn't leave until after midnight, and I am proud to say that, as she said on her Facebook page, tonight a friend became a sister.

I am at peace tonight, and despite all the wrong I have been complaining about, I now go forward ready to embrace the challenges ahead in a new light. My separation/upcoming divorce has opened a brand new door for me, and through that door I can see who my true friends are, as well as reconnect with all the people (friends and family) who I have not been able to in such a long time. When one door closes another door opens, and I am more than excited to see what's in store behind Door Number 2!

DAY 32, Post 3

Today is going to be an interesting day...

This morning at 8am I was accompanied into DH's house by a sheriff to go through MY file cabinet.  Yes, MY file cabinet.  DH and his attorney would not allow me to take MY files, but instead I got to leave the files that I want with DH so that he can take them to his attorney to make copies...  for me...  Yea, nice.  It will probably cost me $3.00/copy which is f***ing ridiculous.

This afternoon at 1:30ish I have my first meeting with the GAL.  I'm finishing up my paperwork right now, but I must admit I'm freaking out.  I don't want to say anything wrong and risk losing custody to him.  I can't/don't want to go into details about why on here as I've heard I could be sued for slander, even if what I say is the truth.

On my way to the GAL meeting I am going to stop by a Christian bookstore.  For the longest time I was agnostic, however the weekend after I moved out I attended a service at Ginghamsburg Church in Tipp City, OH.  It was amazing, and if I wan't crying, I was tearing up or getting goosebumps all the way through the service.  A couple of weeks later, Pastor Mike made a comment in his sermon (is that the right word) about how the trials we face now are just manure fertilizing a better future.  Having had the Slingshots of Shit discussion with CL-WoW already, this just struck me as awe-inspiring.  Anyway, I'm going to stop by the Christian bookstore to see if there is anything that will help me through this.

Then tonight, Ginghamsburg has a DivorceCare Ministry for adults as well as a separate one for children.  I've decided the three of us NEED to go.  I will not deny, I do NOT miss DH in the least.  But I do have those moments of panic where I wonder "How the HELL did I wind up HERE?!?"  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my apartment.  I LOVE my boys.  But this whole situation is still scary for me.

CT texted me yesterday wishing me a happy birthday, and then asked later in the day how my day was going and we had a short conversation.  I said my day was going better than it started and he asked if I had a new boyfriend.  Obviously, I don't.  However when I asked if he had picked up any new phone numbers, he insulted me GREATLY when he said, "No, I'm taking a break from you crazy f**kers."  All I can still think is, "Wow."  I can NOT handle that.  I will NOT deal with that.  I've just added another item to my "Soul Mate Spec Sheet."

DAY 30, Post 3

Nearly 6am... I've spent the last three hours working on my responses to DH's first set of divorce interrogatories. I had already spent three plus hours working on these things, and I'm only on question 12 out of 22.

This afternoon I have an appointment with my attorney to discuss my goals and Thursday I have my initial appointment with the GAL. Oh, and the highlight of Thursday is meeting with DH and a sheriff to go through MY file cabinet to get information I need to finish these interrogatories. Joy joy. It will be the highlight of my day.

And then... Next Monday there is yet another custody hearing. Neither my attorney nor I can figure out why DH and his attorney requested another hearing on an arrangement they proposed and set forth into motion. Stupid stupid.

DAY 25, Post 2

Last night I was feeling GREAT, and right now I'm feeling good, however somewhere in the middle I had a little lapse.  Let's call it a "How the hell did I get here?!?" moment.  I sat here in my empty apartment, looking around, wondering how I wound up...  Here...  I had a momentary lapse in thought, thinking, "Please, God.  Take me back in time."  Six weeks, six months, I wondered if I could wake up in a moment where I could do things differently.  Yes, I even thought about my marriage.

But do I want my marriage again?  No!  Absolutely not!

And then sleep rescued me.  A nice, rare, dreamless sleep.

I woke this morning to find my "Note From the Universe" waiting in my email in-box...

"Hey, Kimberly, don't you see? The "right" circumstances, people, and opportunities are just like "good" ideas - they come to you fastest, once you relax.

Zip, Zap, Zop,
The Universe"

And even though my eyes were open, I actually woke up.  I relaxed enough on Tuesday to get a job interview for next week.  (Yay for me!)  So now I tell myself, "Come on, Kim!  Relax!  All those things you are waiting for will come to you!  Just stop worrying, relax, and live in the moment!"

DAY 23, Post 5

Moving on...

I decided to make a list of things I'm looking forward to, even if they aren't in the cards for the near future...

• April 14, 2011 and D-Day
• Painting my apartment
• Building my dream house...  someday
• Finding true love
• Hearing "I Love You" from someone besides my family or my boys
• Getting a job I LOVE
• Paying off my bills and not having to worry about money
• Traveling
• Visiting my family in New York
• Driving cross country
• Going to Europe
• Being totally happy
• Never having to let go
• Summer
• Having an organized, furnished apartment
• Painting
• Passionate, deep kisses
• Hugs that don't end and feel like dancing
• Eternal smiles
• Public Displays of Affection
• Finishing my blanket
• Forgiving the past
• Reading the entire Bible
• Cleaning out my DVR