Wow, I can hardly believe it's been well over a month since I posted last. Yes, I'm alive and VERY well, as are the boys and Dave. We've been through some changes, however they appear to all be for the better and for that I'm very grateful.
Dave started a new job at the end of August which he really seems to enjoy. While it's not physically exhausting, it challenges him mentally and keeps him interested. It's further than his previous (still my current) 1/4 mile commute, but the roads are good and they will be well plowed in the winter.
Thing 2 started Kindergarten and Thing 1 Third Grade several weeks ago. Both are enjoying school very much, and are keeping themselves out of trouble. Better yet, both are making friends in our neighborhood and enjoying playing outside. Numerous Nerf battles have taken place, and the boys come home caked in mud but they LOVE it. And I love seeing them happy.
We've started attending a new church, after our old church became too focused on money for our preferences. And we really like it. On the first day we attended, the door attendant recognized we were new and introduced himself, and the family sitting in front of us turned around and introduced themselves. And better yet, I know people who go there. Dave doesn't know them really, but he will. I feel like, and I believe Dave does as well, that we've finally found a home church. And it's a wonderful feeling.
And a more wonderful feeling is just being happy. EXTREMELY happy. No matter what happens in my day, in our day, I know/we know we can handle it. And that feeling alone is amazing.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
DAY 163, Post 1
It never ceases to amaze me how completely miserable some people are willing to be 24/7. Whether they be friends, family, exes or co-workers, I just want to smack them into a state of contented bliss. Even during my lowest times, I did not allow myself to walk around in a state where I allowed myself to be a bitch to everyone around me.
The other night DH started a line of bullying interoggation with Thing 1 while on the phone with him. I heard the conversation and decided I needed to put an end to it. DH is convinced he knows more about what goes on in my house than I do and has proceeded to tell the boys how things work at MY house. To me, this is not acceptable. When the boys are with me or on the phone with me I want them to be comfortable, not feel like they are on the witness stand. They have no reason to be in the middle of a battle between their dad and I, and as far as I'm concerned, there shouldn't be a battle. We would be able to co-exist peacefully for the sake of our boys. But for him, that is not possible.
Today there is a co-worker (not in my office) who has decided to be rather testy via emails. To give you background, inter-office mail lost an envelope that was mailed from me to her two weeks ago. My dad taught me to never burn bridges, but apparently this woman has never heard of this strategy and it's rather unfortunate.
Dave shared a story with me about how he blessed a former co-worker with niceties (is that spelled properly?) because she was such a sour woman. The pissier she was, the nicer Dave would be to her. And today and this week that is how I am trying to handle the sour people in my life. Well, except with DH. Dave said the best we can do is pray for him, and I agree.
The other night DH started a line of bullying interoggation with Thing 1 while on the phone with him. I heard the conversation and decided I needed to put an end to it. DH is convinced he knows more about what goes on in my house than I do and has proceeded to tell the boys how things work at MY house. To me, this is not acceptable. When the boys are with me or on the phone with me I want them to be comfortable, not feel like they are on the witness stand. They have no reason to be in the middle of a battle between their dad and I, and as far as I'm concerned, there shouldn't be a battle. We would be able to co-exist peacefully for the sake of our boys. But for him, that is not possible.
Today there is a co-worker (not in my office) who has decided to be rather testy via emails. To give you background, inter-office mail lost an envelope that was mailed from me to her two weeks ago. My dad taught me to never burn bridges, but apparently this woman has never heard of this strategy and it's rather unfortunate.
Dave shared a story with me about how he blessed a former co-worker with niceties (is that spelled properly?) because she was such a sour woman. The pissier she was, the nicer Dave would be to her. And today and this week that is how I am trying to handle the sour people in my life. Well, except with DH. Dave said the best we can do is pray for him, and I agree.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Saturday, April 30, 2011
DAY 90, Post 1
Thanks to a BEAUTIFUL rainbow as Kimi and James pulled in on Thursday night, and Dave, here's today's song of the day...
Monday, April 4, 2011
DAY 64, Post 3
Like the rest of this year, today was a truly cleansing day. Not only did I clean up the apartment, but I also cleaned up my life a bit. And no, I didn't let go of that biggest lingering thought in my life. But, I did let go, in a way of another.
It's sad to see this year how "friends" have been one of the least clean, negative things in my life. I entered this year thinking I knew who my local best friends were. And while I still have GREAT friends in the area (so please don't be offended if you're among them), the ones who have chosen to remove themselves from my life, in one way or another, is somewhat dismaying. I'm happy, however, that today's cleansing did not involve losing a friend.
Penny, unfortunately, got a cleansing of her own today. I put her outside this morning and five minutes later went to let her in to realize that it had started pouring. Poor puppy was soaking wet. It's funny... Her fur when she is wet looks like somebody spent hours crimping it like my sisters and I did in the 80's.
It's sad to see this year how "friends" have been one of the least clean, negative things in my life. I entered this year thinking I knew who my local best friends were. And while I still have GREAT friends in the area (so please don't be offended if you're among them), the ones who have chosen to remove themselves from my life, in one way or another, is somewhat dismaying. I'm happy, however, that today's cleansing did not involve losing a friend.
Penny, unfortunately, got a cleansing of her own today. I put her outside this morning and five minutes later went to let her in to realize that it had started pouring. Poor puppy was soaking wet. It's funny... Her fur when she is wet looks like somebody spent hours crimping it like my sisters and I did in the 80's.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
DAY 58, Post 2
With friends and family who love me and have always wanted to see me reach my full potential, I've never had to worry about receiving an earful of encouragement, advice or criticism, even when I didn't want it. And although I haven't always listened, I'm extremely grateful that these wonderful people are in my life.
I sit here at work, on my break, thinking about people who don't have the support I do. They struggle through life, no one to guide them or hold their hand, or even to tell them when they've fucked up (pardon my language). They repeatedly make the wrong mistakes, and like an idiot expect a different result each time. And unfortunately for some of these people, when something good does come to them, they find a way to mess that up.
I think I've been an enabler of such people. I've tried to be a nice person, and as such have not given the (constructive) criticism that was due. And it's as detrimental to me as it is to them. I stand by, caring and worrying, offering my positive emotional support, yet nothing is gained. For me or them. They still haven't learned as I chose to be quiet with my opinions and thoughts. And that sucks for the both of us. Because while things could change, they don't.
So what do I do? Change myself for other people? Or can I look at it as changing myself for myself? Speak up when I have an opinion at the risk of hurting others? And I have to ask myself... What does God want me to do? Because my current ways don't seem to make a difference. And that makes me one of those idiots.
I sit here at work, on my break, thinking about people who don't have the support I do. They struggle through life, no one to guide them or hold their hand, or even to tell them when they've fucked up (pardon my language). They repeatedly make the wrong mistakes, and like an idiot expect a different result each time. And unfortunately for some of these people, when something good does come to them, they find a way to mess that up.
I think I've been an enabler of such people. I've tried to be a nice person, and as such have not given the (constructive) criticism that was due. And it's as detrimental to me as it is to them. I stand by, caring and worrying, offering my positive emotional support, yet nothing is gained. For me or them. They still haven't learned as I chose to be quiet with my opinions and thoughts. And that sucks for the both of us. Because while things could change, they don't.
So what do I do? Change myself for other people? Or can I look at it as changing myself for myself? Speak up when I have an opinion at the risk of hurting others? And I have to ask myself... What does God want me to do? Because my current ways don't seem to make a difference. And that makes me one of those idiots.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
DAY 51, Post 3
An inspiring morning, to say the least...
I realized that over the last four months I have let my personal dreams slip. While I've spent lots of time worrying about people and things that couldn't be changed, I've forgotten about what I want to do. And it's time I refocus, or at least spend a good portion of that time on my dreams.
I've had the dream of starting my own scrapbooking supply business. I've always wanted to have my own brick-and-mortar store selling all the supplies I have (which, thanks to "friends" are less than they should have been), but I want to design and manufacture my own out-of-the-box supplies. And to do that, I need to design them.
Martha Stewart didn't start her first catering business until she was 39. I'm just barely 32. So, with 7 years left, I should be able to make some headway. But this time I'll do it right. Martha wrote in her book, The Martha Rules (see below) that she recommends only investing in your business with cash. That's how I messed up the last time. Credit, credit and more credit. I'll be paying off that debt until the end of time. But now's the time to make a change. Do something that I want to do and do it the right way.
And that day starts today.
I realized that over the last four months I have let my personal dreams slip. While I've spent lots of time worrying about people and things that couldn't be changed, I've forgotten about what I want to do. And it's time I refocus, or at least spend a good portion of that time on my dreams.
I've had the dream of starting my own scrapbooking supply business. I've always wanted to have my own brick-and-mortar store selling all the supplies I have (which, thanks to "friends" are less than they should have been), but I want to design and manufacture my own out-of-the-box supplies. And to do that, I need to design them.
Martha Stewart didn't start her first catering business until she was 39. I'm just barely 32. So, with 7 years left, I should be able to make some headway. But this time I'll do it right. Martha wrote in her book, The Martha Rules (see below) that she recommends only investing in your business with cash. That's how I messed up the last time. Credit, credit and more credit. I'll be paying off that debt until the end of time. But now's the time to make a change. Do something that I want to do and do it the right way.
And that day starts today.
Friday, March 11, 2011
DAY 40, Post 2
What a difference a couple of days makes!
I'm up at 2am, and for once it's not because I woke up thinking about too much. Actually, CT graced me with a phone call after work, and I have to say, I enjoy having friends who work 2nd shift. Having someone to talk to in the dead of the night is REALLY great!
Anyway, he made me terribly hungry while making himself a breakfast burrito, and I made myself a ridiculous plate of Pizza Rolls. Ridiculous meaning like thirty of them... Drenched in Smoked Tobasco Sauce... Mmmm... It's WONDERFUL to be eating again!
Did I mention that the hospital weighed me when I was in triage the other night? 148.1. Yea. Not good. If I lose any more I want it to be because I'm exercising and doing activities that are good for me. NOT due to stressing out and not eating.
I'm entering this weekend with plans already, and it feels great to know my weekend doesn't revolve around work. Tomorrow night I'll be scrapbooking (in some way or another) with Julie, and then I'm making dinner for CT and I. (Julie, if you read this - you and J are invited!) Then... I get to SLEEP IN on Saturday morning before having to work from 11-4. I am happy to be able to go to church on Saturday after work... Pending they let me out on time. I guess I'll have to see.
I'm up at 2am, and for once it's not because I woke up thinking about too much. Actually, CT graced me with a phone call after work, and I have to say, I enjoy having friends who work 2nd shift. Having someone to talk to in the dead of the night is REALLY great!
Anyway, he made me terribly hungry while making himself a breakfast burrito, and I made myself a ridiculous plate of Pizza Rolls. Ridiculous meaning like thirty of them... Drenched in Smoked Tobasco Sauce... Mmmm... It's WONDERFUL to be eating again!
CT's Breakfast Burrito (picture messaged to me... to make me jealous, I think)
Here's what was left of my pizza rolls when I was full...
I'm entering this weekend with plans already, and it feels great to know my weekend doesn't revolve around work. Tomorrow night I'll be scrapbooking (in some way or another) with Julie, and then I'm making dinner for CT and I. (Julie, if you read this - you and J are invited!) Then... I get to SLEEP IN on Saturday morning before having to work from 11-4. I am happy to be able to go to church on Saturday after work... Pending they let me out on time. I guess I'll have to see.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
DAY 39, Post 2
I had a dream about fleas last night. They were on Penny, but still... It got me thinking this morning.
I need to find a way to get rid of the fleas in my life for good. Because they're getting under my skin, and today I'm just angry at them.
I find it AMAZING, and not in a good way, how people in my life could or do act the way they do. It literally makes me sick. And I can't have that anymore. Dishonesty (to themselves and others), hatred, cruelty, etc. And no, I'm not just talking about one person. I just want to pick those fleas off my skin and crush them between my fingers. But I can't. I need to find a way to forgive them, and continue on in my life without them, or with minimal contact.
I went to Ginghamsburg last night for their Ash Wednesday service and found it incredible. They played a video at the beginning and I wish I could find a link to see it again. I don't know if the older attendees appreciated it as much as I did. I hope they did.
I need to find a way to get rid of the fleas in my life for good. Because they're getting under my skin, and today I'm just angry at them.
I find it AMAZING, and not in a good way, how people in my life could or do act the way they do. It literally makes me sick. And I can't have that anymore. Dishonesty (to themselves and others), hatred, cruelty, etc. And no, I'm not just talking about one person. I just want to pick those fleas off my skin and crush them between my fingers. But I can't. I need to find a way to forgive them, and continue on in my life without them, or with minimal contact.
I went to Ginghamsburg last night for their Ash Wednesday service and found it incredible. They played a video at the beginning and I wish I could find a link to see it again. I don't know if the older attendees appreciated it as much as I did. I hope they did.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
DAY 38, Post 2
So, for the time being, my blog is private. A LOT has happened in the past week, and after a stint in the hospital yesterday I realized with no uncertainty that I have NOT been focused on what I needed to be focused on, especially my health.
I'm down to 148 pounds now, not a place I should have gotten to the way I did. Lack of eating and way too much worrying about things and people I couldn't help. After throwing up, starting to shake and nearly passing out at work, I went to the hospital where the doctor told me there is a bad virus going through town. But come on. I know more than she does. I NEED to be taking care of me. Now's the time (not that it wasn't three months or 32 years ago) to be honest with myself... And others...
Don't get me wrong. I'm not going to hurt people with my honesty. But I have to enter this next part of my life doing what I know to be the right thing to do. Right morally, right ethically, and right personally for me and my boys.
Tonight I am having dinner with JTS, my neighbor (will you give me permission to use your first name? Haha), and then I hope to go to Ash Wednesday service at Ginghamsburg. I've spent a lot of time in the last two days praying. Praying for God to give me strength and guide me into a better tomorrow. I know there's something better in store for me, but I wish I knew what it was and what all I'm doing now is preparing me for. Patience is a virtue though, and I suppose I need to hold my horses.
I need to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who helped me for the past two days, both emotionally and physically. YOU are my rock.
I'm down to 148 pounds now, not a place I should have gotten to the way I did. Lack of eating and way too much worrying about things and people I couldn't help. After throwing up, starting to shake and nearly passing out at work, I went to the hospital where the doctor told me there is a bad virus going through town. But come on. I know more than she does. I NEED to be taking care of me. Now's the time (not that it wasn't three months or 32 years ago) to be honest with myself... And others...
Don't get me wrong. I'm not going to hurt people with my honesty. But I have to enter this next part of my life doing what I know to be the right thing to do. Right morally, right ethically, and right personally for me and my boys.
Tonight I am having dinner with JTS, my neighbor (will you give me permission to use your first name? Haha), and then I hope to go to Ash Wednesday service at Ginghamsburg. I've spent a lot of time in the last two days praying. Praying for God to give me strength and guide me into a better tomorrow. I know there's something better in store for me, but I wish I knew what it was and what all I'm doing now is preparing me for. Patience is a virtue though, and I suppose I need to hold my horses.
I need to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who helped me for the past two days, both emotionally and physically. YOU are my rock.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
DAY 33, Post 4
What an AMAZING night! And day for that matter!
Two of my parents are on their way in to see me and the boys and I will be thrilled to see them in the morning.
Tonight, the boys, my friend Ashley, neighbor JTS and I enjoyed a great night of pizza and conversation.
Ashley didn't leave until after midnight, and I am proud to say that, as she said on her Facebook page, tonight a friend became a sister.
I am at peace tonight, and despite all the wrong I have been complaining about, I now go forward ready to embrace the challenges ahead in a new light. My separation/upcoming divorce has opened a brand new door for me, and through that door I can see who my true friends are, as well as reconnect with all the people (friends and family) who I have not been able to in such a long time. When one door closes another door opens, and I am more than excited to see what's in store behind Door Number 2!
Two of my parents are on their way in to see me and the boys and I will be thrilled to see them in the morning.
Tonight, the boys, my friend Ashley, neighbor JTS and I enjoyed a great night of pizza and conversation.
Ashley didn't leave until after midnight, and I am proud to say that, as she said on her Facebook page, tonight a friend became a sister.
I am at peace tonight, and despite all the wrong I have been complaining about, I now go forward ready to embrace the challenges ahead in a new light. My separation/upcoming divorce has opened a brand new door for me, and through that door I can see who my true friends are, as well as reconnect with all the people (friends and family) who I have not been able to in such a long time. When one door closes another door opens, and I am more than excited to see what's in store behind Door Number 2!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
DAY 25, Post 4
Soooo... My "Soul Mate Spec Sheet" in its revised form... (*are new)
1. Calls or texts within a day of first date
2. Doesn't mind and actually likes PDA
3. Sleeps on left side of bed
4. Knows how to and enjoys cooking
5. Sends texts/pictures during the day if/when thinking about me
6. At least 3 inches taller than me
7. At least 20 pounds heavier than me
8. In good shape
9. Smells good (Axe is a plus)
10. Likes kids
11. Likes video games*
12. Likes hockey
13. Likes to camp
14. Does not hunt
15. Great sense of humor
16. Reads books and/or magazines
17. Dark hair
18. Likes board games
19. Plays WoW*
20. Likes animals
21. Likes to stare at the stars
22. Likes to build things/work with hands
23. Looks at the glass as at least 1/2 full
24. Will eat cereal for dinner
25. Will take chances
26. Is spontaneous
27. Is NOT a couch potato
28. Loves to travel
29. Opens doors for me
30. Mixes CDs for me (or makes playlists on my iPOD for me)
31. Interested in architecture
32. Interested in restoring/renovating houses/buildings
33. Within 5 years of my age
34. Has a library card
35. Knows how to do laundry
36. Would dress up for Halloween
37. Has 3-5 (minimum) good local friends
38. Will paint my toenails
39. Voted for Obama
40. Hums or whistles
41. Will buy tampons/feminine products at the store
42. Has never been in jail
43. Is close to his family*
44. Likes ethnic food (Indian/Thai/Greek)
45. Doesn't mind if food touches*
46. Likes garbage plates*
47. Likes Sushi
48. Owns a swimsuit and likes to swim
49. Buys me tulips, even if they are out of season
50. Makes an effort to meet/know my friends
51. Likes my family and they like him*
52. Initiates activities with my boys
53. Stops by my office/work to say hi if in the area
54. Pays attention to positive details
55. Rubs my head/strokes my hair
56. Gives awesome massages
57. Awesome in bed* (hey, this is my list)
58. Loves to cuddle*
59. Takes out the garbage*
60. Hugging him is like dancing, even if we're standing still*
61. Says hello and goodbye with a kiss, hug and a smile*
62. Introduces me to local friends/family voluntarily within first two months*
63. Understands that money doesn't mean crap to me and isn't embarrassed by his place/status in life*
64. Is willing/able to communicate openly with me about past, present and future*
65. Doesn't mind and enjoys if I surprise him at work with a coffee or for break/lunch*
66. Gives as much as he receives*
67. Must have a verbal filter* (Added 03-03-2011)
1. Calls or texts within a day of first date
2. Doesn't mind and actually likes PDA
3. Sleeps on left side of bed
4. Knows how to and enjoys cooking
5. Sends texts/pictures during the day if/when thinking about me
6. At least 3 inches taller than me
7. At least 20 pounds heavier than me
8. In good shape
9. Smells good (Axe is a plus)
10. Likes kids
11. Likes video games*
12. Likes hockey
13. Likes to camp
14. Does not hunt
15. Great sense of humor
16. Reads books and/or magazines
17. Dark hair
18. Likes board games
19. Plays WoW*
20. Likes animals
21. Likes to stare at the stars
22. Likes to build things/work with hands
23. Looks at the glass as at least 1/2 full
24. Will eat cereal for dinner
25. Will take chances
26. Is spontaneous
27. Is NOT a couch potato
28. Loves to travel
29. Opens doors for me
30. Mixes CDs for me (or makes playlists on my iPOD for me)
31. Interested in architecture
32. Interested in restoring/renovating houses/buildings
33. Within 5 years of my age
34. Has a library card
35. Knows how to do laundry
36. Would dress up for Halloween
37. Has 3-5 (minimum) good local friends
38. Will paint my toenails
39. Voted for Obama
40. Hums or whistles
41. Will buy tampons/feminine products at the store
42. Has never been in jail
43. Is close to his family*
44. Likes ethnic food (Indian/Thai/Greek)
45. Doesn't mind if food touches*
46. Likes garbage plates*
47. Likes Sushi
48. Owns a swimsuit and likes to swim
49. Buys me tulips, even if they are out of season
50. Makes an effort to meet/know my friends
51. Likes my family and they like him*
52. Initiates activities with my boys
53. Stops by my office/work to say hi if in the area
54. Pays attention to positive details
55. Rubs my head/strokes my hair
56. Gives awesome massages
57. Awesome in bed* (hey, this is my list)
58. Loves to cuddle*
59. Takes out the garbage*
60. Hugging him is like dancing, even if we're standing still*
61. Says hello and goodbye with a kiss, hug and a smile*
62. Introduces me to local friends/family voluntarily within first two months*
63. Understands that money doesn't mean crap to me and isn't embarrassed by his place/status in life*
64. Is willing/able to communicate openly with me about past, present and future*
65. Doesn't mind and enjoys if I surprise him at work with a coffee or for break/lunch*
66. Gives as much as he receives*
67. Must have a verbal filter* (Added 03-03-2011)
DAY 25, Post 3
I was outside with our puppy, Penny, this morning, and was watching her run around with a piece of bread she found in a neighbor's yard. She scurried around for a bit, looking for a place to hide her treasure, and she made me think... "Dogs are smart. How do I 'hide' my treasures so that they don't escape me?"
This afternoon she had a stick. I have sticks... My boys, the little money I make at my job, my job, my apartment, my self-respect, my happiness, my health, my family, my friends... How do I not get the short end of the stick? How do I ensure someone isn't going to cut one of them down and try to take it away from me? And if they try, how do I prevent it?
The District Manager was in the restaurant today and was talking to my manager about design issues in our store. I couldn't help but to take the opportunity during my break to ask him if corporate positions are hired from within the company as well... and he said YES! He said that whenever possible, all positions are filled by people who are already within the company. AND he gave me the information for the Design Manager, as with the expansions and new locations the company is constantly having, they could possibly need additional help. So, I'll be contacting her to inquire about possible positions tonight!
This afternoon she had a stick. I have sticks... My boys, the little money I make at my job, my job, my apartment, my self-respect, my happiness, my health, my family, my friends... How do I not get the short end of the stick? How do I ensure someone isn't going to cut one of them down and try to take it away from me? And if they try, how do I prevent it?
The District Manager was in the restaurant today and was talking to my manager about design issues in our store. I couldn't help but to take the opportunity during my break to ask him if corporate positions are hired from within the company as well... and he said YES! He said that whenever possible, all positions are filled by people who are already within the company. AND he gave me the information for the Design Manager, as with the expansions and new locations the company is constantly having, they could possibly need additional help. So, I'll be contacting her to inquire about possible positions tonight!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
DAY 23, Post 2
OK ladies out there... If you're having a bad day/week/month/year whatever, set your DVR to record The Talk. It's the best decision I ever made. Here I am, up at 12:30am and watching yesterday's episode of The Talk and laughing my ass off. Ahhh, laughing feels soooo good!
The ladies have selected presidents that they considered to be hot and Leah (from King of Queens)... Or was it Sarah?... selected Woodrow Wilson. Sharon Osbourne retorted that she thought he should be in a bathroom with George Michael. But then Sharon selected a president because he had a size 14 shoe... Because size matters. HA!
Thanks to CT and his savvy computer skills I cleaned out my iPOD this weekend and deleted several playlists that really didn't need to be on there anymore. (My iPOD refused to sync with my computer before his savviness.) So now I've made a "Moving On" playlist and could really use recommendations. Anyone?
On my Blackberry I've now downloaded a Daily Horoscope app and so far I'm very pleased! The only thing I wish was different was that I wish I could copy the text (so I could paste the really inspiring ones here) but with the format it's not possible.
Some days are definitely better than others and today (or should I still consider it yesterday) is by far one of the best I've had in quite a while.
Thank you again and again to all of you who are always there for me. I love you all!
XOXO,
Me
The ladies have selected presidents that they considered to be hot and Leah (from King of Queens)... Or was it Sarah?... selected Woodrow Wilson. Sharon Osbourne retorted that she thought he should be in a bathroom with George Michael. But then Sharon selected a president because he had a size 14 shoe... Because size matters. HA!
Thanks to CT and his savvy computer skills I cleaned out my iPOD this weekend and deleted several playlists that really didn't need to be on there anymore. (My iPOD refused to sync with my computer before his savviness.) So now I've made a "Moving On" playlist and could really use recommendations. Anyone?
On my Blackberry I've now downloaded a Daily Horoscope app and so far I'm very pleased! The only thing I wish was different was that I wish I could copy the text (so I could paste the really inspiring ones here) but with the format it's not possible.
Some days are definitely better than others and today (or should I still consider it yesterday) is by far one of the best I've had in quite a while.
Thank you again and again to all of you who are always there for me. I love you all!
XOXO,
Me
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
DAY 16, Part 2
Wow... I guess it takes a truly nice (although somewhat messed up, haha) person to make me realize how truly fucked up other people are. I just asked my friend Chris to have lunch with me on my birthday so I would have something to look forward to (and I'll pay, haha) and not only did he say yes but he said he would take the day off from work. I must add that I said I didn't want him to take the day off from work because he, like me, needs the money, but really!?! He would do that!?! (His response to me saying I didn't want him to take the day off was "Why not? I can take a vacation day and still get paid.". Hmmmm...)
DH never took my birthday off, never offered to take my birthday off, and two years ago, on my 30th birthday, didn't even wish me a Happy Birthday because he was mad at me for some stupid reason or another. I didn't get my birthday present or "happy birthday" for three days...
Following up on my earlier post from today, I think I have to put the horse to sleep. It's unfortunate that some people don't want to see the good in others, even when she truly cares about him and wants to make sure he's ok. With all the shit I've been going through, I'm embarrassed now that I've been more worried about the horse's ailments than my own. So, fuck you, horse. You've given up something great. The grass is always greener somewhere, but I'm afraid it will be hard if not impossible to find greener than me. Oh, and I want the back of the sweater and coffee mug returned. If I can't get a return email or text when I write I care and/or worry about you, then no woman should knit you a sweater or drive 30 minutes for a 10 minute coffee break with you. I cared, to the point that I cried at work today, but the hell with you. You obviously were not who I thought you were and I was a fool to care about you.
Ahhh... Sorry to the rest of you. If you know me, then undoubtedly you know who I'm talking about. (Yes, jerk. I shared my feelings for you with others.) But damn, I feel better. I know he'll never read the above, because he doesn't care, but if by chance he does read it, I hope (and you know it's not like me to say this) it hurts like he hurt me.
Two minutes later...
I've deleted the number and texts (again) from my phone. He knows where I live, (as I do him), but should he ever want to apologize (sincerely) it will take a drive here and some major groveling. I'm done contacting him. Ill forgive in time, but forget, no. I don't think you can forget how much you cared for someone, especially when it wasn't reciprocal.
2011 will be a GREAT year... For ME...
DAY 16, Part 1
It was a rough day at work. I was talking to a coworker and she said to me, "You can't ride a dead horse." Well, what if the horse isn't dead but just wants to walk for a while? I couldn't help but to think about this for the rest of the day... Seven hours. Obviously I'm still thinking about it now.
I was making chips and one of my managers said, "Kim, your chips are missing something! A smile!". I burst into tears. My coworkers know I'm going through a divorce and am having a hard time with a couple other "issues", but they know me to be an up-beat woman, normally full of smiles. Crying was definitely not something I wanted to do at work... Ever. I must have needed a good, short cry though, as I was able to joke and laugh for the two hours after that. I LOVE my coworkers!
For the rest of day I tried to think purely of a song in my head... I'm Alright by JoDee Messina. "It's a beautiful day, not a cloud in sight and I guess I'm doin' alright!"
So... The "dead" horse. I'm not giving up on it altogether. Maybe it's not meant to be ridden again, haha. But it can be kept well and nurtured and known that somebody cares about it. I think I'm going to give it a month in the pasture to take care of itself and mend, and maybe I'll check in then.
In the meantime I'm going to try to plan an inexpensive birthday day of pampering for myself. My hands look like shit, I could use a haircut, and my body just HURTS. I've been putting all my tip money into a jar (thanks to CL-WoW) and my friend Chris recommended saving it for Christmas. I think I'll use it on my birthday and save for the rest of the year for Christmas.
If you're reading this, I'd love to know! Please post comments if/when you have any.
XOXO,
Me
I was making chips and one of my managers said, "Kim, your chips are missing something! A smile!". I burst into tears. My coworkers know I'm going through a divorce and am having a hard time with a couple other "issues", but they know me to be an up-beat woman, normally full of smiles. Crying was definitely not something I wanted to do at work... Ever. I must have needed a good, short cry though, as I was able to joke and laugh for the two hours after that. I LOVE my coworkers!
For the rest of day I tried to think purely of a song in my head... I'm Alright by JoDee Messina. "It's a beautiful day, not a cloud in sight and I guess I'm doin' alright!"
So... The "dead" horse. I'm not giving up on it altogether. Maybe it's not meant to be ridden again, haha. But it can be kept well and nurtured and known that somebody cares about it. I think I'm going to give it a month in the pasture to take care of itself and mend, and maybe I'll check in then.
In the meantime I'm going to try to plan an inexpensive birthday day of pampering for myself. My hands look like shit, I could use a haircut, and my body just HURTS. I've been putting all my tip money into a jar (thanks to CL-WoW) and my friend Chris recommended saving it for Christmas. I think I'll use it on my birthday and save for the rest of the year for Christmas.
If you're reading this, I'd love to know! Please post comments if/when you have any.
XOXO,
Me
DAY 15, Part 2
I'm a little bit late, but I want to keep up my daily blogging...
My manager scheduled me for 4pm - close today and I thought I would get some sleep this morning but I still woke up at 7:30 wide awake. Grrrr... I was up for an hour and then went back to sleep for a bit, but I had a bad dream about CL-WoW...
In the dream I was trying to meet him for coffee (a current/constant dilemma anyway) and he told me his job was in chaos (one week on, one week off) and was moving back to ND. I don't have a clue where I was in my dream but I tried to get to him as fast as I could and couldn't find my way out of the town I was in to save my life. I woke up crying and completely frustrated.
Again, I'm so grateful for the awesome co-workers I have and my friends and family for bringing a smile to my face. I managed to get through this day without driving a motorized cart through the V-Day displays, and made over $5 in tips in the process. Yay me!
This picture, by the way, is what happens to my hands in my current job. Nice, huh?
My manager scheduled me for 4pm - close today and I thought I would get some sleep this morning but I still woke up at 7:30 wide awake. Grrrr... I was up for an hour and then went back to sleep for a bit, but I had a bad dream about CL-WoW...
In the dream I was trying to meet him for coffee (a current/constant dilemma anyway) and he told me his job was in chaos (one week on, one week off) and was moving back to ND. I don't have a clue where I was in my dream but I tried to get to him as fast as I could and couldn't find my way out of the town I was in to save my life. I woke up crying and completely frustrated.
Again, I'm so grateful for the awesome co-workers I have and my friends and family for bringing a smile to my face. I managed to get through this day without driving a motorized cart through the V-Day displays, and made over $5 in tips in the process. Yay me!
This picture, by the way, is what happens to my hands in my current job. Nice, huh?
Thursday, February 10, 2011
DAY 11
Ha ha ha ha. I can't think of any other emotion to describe how I feel about something I did last night...
I had a bad morning, but thanks to friends I was able to get back into better spirits and went to work feeling good. I had to close last night (a highlight of my day, especially cleaning the drains in the men's and women's rooms) but was lucky enough to be able to hang out with a friend after getting home...
And this is what I did...
Did it give me the answers I was looking for? No. Did it give me the ability to move on entirely without thinking about him? No. But damn, it felt GOOD! The sweater is still safe, and I'm thinking about finishing it, if even for myself and then it would be backless, but I'll just think of it as a "Snuggie" knitted sweater blanket. Complete with sleeves and a hood.
I just got off work and home from a long shift today... 10am - 5pm. Being in there at 10am is hard after leaving at 11:30 the night before. I think I got two hours of sleep last night. The boys are thankfully being great tonight, playing with Penny and on the Wii. I think I'll relax for a little bit before figuring out what to do with the rest of my night.
I had a bad morning, but thanks to friends I was able to get back into better spirits and went to work feeling good. I had to close last night (a highlight of my day, especially cleaning the drains in the men's and women's rooms) but was lucky enough to be able to hang out with a friend after getting home...
And this is what I did...
Did it give me the answers I was looking for? No. Did it give me the ability to move on entirely without thinking about him? No. But damn, it felt GOOD! The sweater is still safe, and I'm thinking about finishing it, if even for myself and then it would be backless, but I'll just think of it as a "Snuggie" knitted sweater blanket. Complete with sleeves and a hood.
I just got off work and home from a long shift today... 10am - 5pm. Being in there at 10am is hard after leaving at 11:30 the night before. I think I got two hours of sleep last night. The boys are thankfully being great tonight, playing with Penny and on the Wii. I think I'll relax for a little bit before figuring out what to do with the rest of my night.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
DAY TEN, Post 2
Once again, my friends and family are amazing. And I'm sorry I can't listen to everything you say. But I hear what you're telling me, and I love that you are there to listen to me when I need to vent.
I found myself in bed at 11:30 this morning, trying to sleep so I could get over my depression. It didn't work. But a couple of great people felt the vibe and started texting me. Now I'm up, tackling the mess of this apartment, and actually looking forward to going to work this evening. I work straight through Sunday, but at least I'll have some money at the end of next week!
I won't deny... I've been contemplating going into the local grocery stores and taking down the Valentine's Day displays with one of their motorized shopping carts. "Oops! I lost control!" But I know that wouldn't look good in the eyes of the judge at the divorce or final custody hearings. So...
Julie, my neighbor, had a wonderful idea. I'm going to take Thing 1 and Thing 2 out on a date. Or maybe we'll have a date in. Order a pizza, get a new movie, play board games, and enjoy each other's company and nothing else for the whole night. Suddenly that f-ing holiday (no pun intended) doesn't look so bad...
I found myself in bed at 11:30 this morning, trying to sleep so I could get over my depression. It didn't work. But a couple of great people felt the vibe and started texting me. Now I'm up, tackling the mess of this apartment, and actually looking forward to going to work this evening. I work straight through Sunday, but at least I'll have some money at the end of next week!
I won't deny... I've been contemplating going into the local grocery stores and taking down the Valentine's Day displays with one of their motorized shopping carts. "Oops! I lost control!" But I know that wouldn't look good in the eyes of the judge at the divorce or final custody hearings. So...
Julie, my neighbor, had a wonderful idea. I'm going to take Thing 1 and Thing 2 out on a date. Or maybe we'll have a date in. Order a pizza, get a new movie, play board games, and enjoy each other's company and nothing else for the whole night. Suddenly that f-ing holiday (no pun intended) doesn't look so bad...
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