Do Your Laundry

As I climbed into bed last night I could help but to think about how simple things, like crawling into my own bed each night, can be taken for granted.  From there I began to think about the other earthly pleasures I take for granted, most of them on a daily basis.

Why did I have such thoughts?

Here's why...

Pretty much unrecognizable, that's a clothes dryer in the middle of the picture, next to the chair.  Or should I say a charred dryer next to a charred chair?

Upon arriving home from church yesterday, Dave, the boys and I were welcomed by firetrucks and a Red Cross van in our driveway.  Three apartments down, a young mother had put her daughters down for a nap, and walked out of their room into a cloud of black smoke coming out of the dryer.  She opened the door and flames burst out at her.  From there, the fire spread around the apartment, and between the flames and the smoke, the possessions they held dear were destroyed.

No clothes.

No furniture.

No toys.

No... Anything...

Dave and I pulled together a couple bags of clothes for her and her fiance and I was able to find a few baby blankets left over from my boys for her 5 month old.  And Thing 2 brought tears to her eyes when he presented her with a stuffed elephant for her 2 year old.  But I went to bed wanting to be able to do more.

As I lay down to sleep, however, it truly hit me how much they lost.  Everything must be re-acquired.  From a cup to drink out of to toothbrushes and towels.  Baby clothes and diapers, and a chair to sit on.  Wow.

I seem to be full of pleas for my readers (if I have any) lately, but here's a couple more...

1.  Check out dryer vents and lint traps regularly.  Your lint trap should be emptied before EVERY load.  A clogged vent can not only cause clothes to not by dried in one cycle, but can burn out your heating element, or worse, start a fire.  If you rent, ask your landlord to clean your vent at least once a year.

2.  Invest in renter's insurance.  If you own your home, your home owner's insurance would cover a disaster such as this.  However if you rent, you need to cover yourself.  And in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't cost that much.  Geico, for instance, charges approximately $40/month.  Does that sound like a lot?  Think about EVERYTHING you'd need to replace if your apartment burnt down.  Yea...

DAY 355

Today is going much better that yesterday.  I feel like I can breathe and am in more control of what's going on in my life.  Yes, there are still things I want (and have no control over), like making more money, but as long as we have a roof over our head and food in the cabinets I can handle the rest.  And what I don't feel like I can handle, I can pray for.

Day 310

I'm out of the office on lunch and it occurred to me that I haven't updated the blog lately.


My silence has been the result of extreme happiness and hard work. Dave, the boys and I are all happy and healthy, and we are gearing up for Christmas. I've been trying to impress upon the boys this Christmas season what the true meaning of the holiday is. It's not about what we get, but about what we have and why we have it.


But I won't deny that's difficult. With a six-year-old (and nine-year-old) in the house, visions of Santa with a bag of presents are very prominent.


We have made K-Love, a national Christian radio station, a fixture in our lives, and I heard on it yesterday that the average PERSON (not couple, family, etc.) spends $700/year on Christmas presents.  I let out an audible "phooooooo."  $700/year...  That's essentially rent for a month for us.  So here I am trying to figure out how to make Christmas great on maybe $300, and I hear that the average person spends $700.  So if you're reading this, I challenge you to remember what Christmas is really about, and try to focus on that instead.


Dave asked me over the weekend what I want for Christmas and my response (after telling him - him), was a new coffee cup.  Yes, that's all I want.  A new travel mug that doesn't leak when I try to take a sip out of it.  But I guess I never cease to surprise him.  I know he knows I'm not materialistic, but at the time of the year when most people send out mile long Christmas-lists with hundreds of dollars of ideas that they'll probably never use, I choose to be real.  And even when I stretch my brain, I can't think of anything else I want for Christmas.


We found a new church in August that we've been attending, Grace Baptist, and we love how their focus in not on what the church needs financially, but when they do talk about money, it's about how we can help the missionaries or other organizations that need money.  Our family decided to help out Operation Christmas Child (I think that's what it's called), after we heard about what children on the other side of the world have to do without.  While I was able to buy my boys each a 24-box of Crayons for $.50, on the other side of the globe, children go without because crayons cost $5.00... and the average monthly income is $2.00.  Children in Africa need to follow a food truck once a week in order to get fed, and because they lack bowls or cups, they drop the hot oatmeal (or whatever they're served) out of their hands and onto the road...  And they end up eating it off the road.


So how can I ask for anything more than a coffee cup, when there are children living like this?

Day 152, Post 1

Yes, I am at work.  I'm continuing to work on a special project with a couple of great co-workers, however today is review day and...  It gets a bit boring.  Except for when one of them starts tapping out sitcom theme songs on the table and a google search for the actual theme song follows.  That's what's happening now.

I talked to the boys last night (they are at their dad's), and I feel bad for their dad.  Why?  At the end of the conversation they wanted to know when they are coming back to my house and wanted to blow me kisses.  They don't do that during conversations with their dad, but that's because he hasn't earned the respect from them to receive that type of treatment.  And that sucks.

Dave and I are continuing to work wonderfully as a team.  Last night we relished in the fact that we paid the rent not only on-time, but a day early.  While this may seem like a small accomplishment to some, it's huge to us.  Although it will be slow-going, we see in our near future that all bills (well, all household bills, not my personal debt) will be caught up, on time, and paid on a timely basis.  And that's a WONDERFUL feeling.  While in the past I hated with a passion the necessary task of balancing my checkbook...  And refused to do it...  Now I have an Excel file that breaks down all my spending into categories and I check my bank account on a daily basis.  Plus, I have a yearly tab which shows the spending per category from one month to the next and is truly an eye-opener.  I have to remember that the month of May included a road-trip for the four of us back to New York, but the amount I/we spent eating out was ridiculous!

I can't figure out how to include my spreadsheet (my figures excluded) to this post, but if you would like the file to use for yourself, let me know!

Day 135, Post 1

Dave so greatly reminded me today that sometimes things get worse before they get better. And I needed that reminded, especially when financially things got worse today on the brink of getting better.

Ill admit, I've been playing roulette for the past couple of months in regards to what bill(s) had to be paid and which could wait. And today the gas company caught up to me. But as pissed as I am (at myself and my lack of funds), I have to remind myself of all the positives. 1) its not winter and we don't need heat 2) Dave and I both now have GOOD jobs and this is the last month of this poorness 3) the electricity is still on 4) the rent is paid.

So, now comes the struggle of figuring out how and when to get the gas turned back on. I HATE asking for help. And while you may wonder why Dave isn't paying it, ill tell you he would x's 5 if he could. But his job just started last week, and after 2 months of being unemployed, you can imagine what his bank account looks like. Sadly, mine isn't any better.

But as Monty Python sang...

Always look on the bright side of life!

I'll suck it up and ask for help one last time, knowing that next month we'll be on the up and up... Or at least our bank accounts will be. Dave, the boys and I are already well on the up and up. And it just hit me that despite the financial stresses, I really couldn't be happier. And that feels better than words can express.

DAY 77, Post 2

I'm not feeling it today. I've turned to my Bible and prayer notebook to try to find refuge from all of my thoughts. But it's not working.

I have so many "why" questions on my mind, but I know I can't ask for or search for answers. When they are ready to present themselves they will. But God, I wish the answers would present themselves sooner rather than later.

This will be an... Interesting... Week... It will be my last full week at CMG as my job at AH starts a week from Monday. And next weekend I'll have some real furniture in my apartment finally, thanks to Mom and Aunt Flushy. AND... Next Sunday is my re-affirmation at Ginghamsburg.

Today was a rough day. Check out how I described an experience at the park in an email...

"I took the boys and Penny to the park today after church and I sat there reading my Bible... And then I heard (Thing 2) scream. He came running at me with a bloody nose and dirt and mulch all over his back.

"Some kid (and you better believe I let him and the adults he was with have it) told (Thing 2) he needed to make a sacrifice for him. A sacrifice,... What the hell does a child (Thing 2's) age or even (Thing 1's) age know about the word "sacrifice"?

"But the conversation in the car shocked me. (Thing 1) asked me what the word sacrifice means, and (Thing 2) said "to get hurt so someone else doesn't have to." I guess (Thing 2) has been listening at church when Pastor Mike says that Jesus sacrificed himself on the cross for all of our sins."

The rest of this email doesn't help with my current attitude or my thought pattern today. I'll leave this post at that.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

DAY 76, Post 3

Merry Christmas in April to me! Look what Chris made for me and my inventory today!

DAY 67, Post 2

I am completely exhausted, physically and just about emotionally.  I worked 9-1/2 hours today, which was long, but was nice because it got me a little bit closer to having overtime this week as I was only scheduled for 7 hours.  But still, working 2-1/2 hours past when I was planning becomes a little draining.  Luckily, the last couple hours flew by.

I found myself scanning the line all day, however, to see if there was anyone I knew.  And by someone I know, I mean either the face of CL-WoW whom I long to see, or CT, who is always a friendly face to see.  Either would have been welcome, despite my differing reasons for wanting to see them individually.

Tonight is night two of not having the boys.  Per the divorce agreement, DH has them Wednesday and Thursday nights, and because he has them this weekend (Friday - Sunday nights), I will not see them until Monday.  It makes for a VERY quiet apartment when I get home, and on nights like tonight when I'm drained, I don't really know what to do with myself.  It's too early to go to bed, however I had intended to go to the grocery store and I really don't feel like it.  I should go though.  Perhaps when I'm done posting.

Actually, I don't know what else to write.  My mind is just sorta...  Numb.  I don't think I can put into sentences anything that is running through my brain right now.  And as disgusting as it might sound, I could really go for an (entire) angel food cake and a Green Goodness.  I think I might just make that trip to the grocery store.

DAY 66, Post 2

My neighbors two doors down have two birdhouses in their backyard. Nestled in the trees, I've enjoyed watching the variety of birds that frequently visit them. I'm not a bird watcher, but so far I think I've identifies cardinals, robins, blue jays and possibly doves.

This morning, watching them hop around and eat their food, I have to wonder what type of worries birds have. Sure, they think to gather their food, protect their young, build their nests and stay out of inclement weather. But what else does a bird worry about?

And now it occurs to me. The worries of a bird are not so different from a single-mom. I need to protect my boys, and provide them food and a safe shelter. But if I'm focusing on these tasks, what else do I really need to worry about? Won't the rest basically take care of itself?

DAY 64, Post 3

Like the rest of this year, today was a truly cleansing day.  Not only did I clean up the apartment, but I also cleaned up my life a bit.  And no, I didn't let go of that biggest lingering thought in my life.  But, I did let go, in a way of another.

It's sad to see this year how "friends" have been one of the least clean, negative things in my life.  I entered this year thinking I knew who my local best friends were.  And while I still have GREAT friends in the area (so please don't be offended if you're among them), the ones who have chosen to remove themselves from my life, in one way or another, is somewhat dismaying.  I'm happy, however, that today's cleansing did not involve losing a friend. 

Penny, unfortunately, got a cleansing of her own today.  I put her outside this morning and five minutes later went to let her in to realize that it had started pouring.  Poor puppy was soaking wet.  It's funny...  Her fur when she is wet looks like somebody spent hours crimping it like my sisters and I did in the 80's.

DAY 64, Post 2

I tend to clean the most when I'm upset about something.  But I'm not upset today.  (Yay!)  So, I'm having to play games with myself to clean the disorganization that seems to reign in this house.  What am I doing?

Cleaning out my DVR and my apartment!

Right now I'm working through two weeks of episodes of The Office (syndicated and new).  Every other episode I clean.  During the alternate episodes, I clean during the commercials.  So far it's working!  A big pile of papers I had next to my desk has now been filed, and there is a load of laundry in the washing machine. 

I wish I was a naturally organized person, but I'm not.  So in the meantime, I'll keep on keeping on, playing games to keep the apartment clean.

DAY 63, Post 5

During all my time outside today, I couldn't help but think more about how much I would LOVE a hammock on my back patio.  Do I have money for it?  No.  Should I spend any of the (hopeful) divorce settlement money on a hammock?  No, probably not.  But darn, I would love one.

So I decided to look and see how much a hammock would cost me, and here's one that I found and really liked...

DAY 62, Post 4

My evening thinking session has started early today, thanks to the March 28, 2011 "Our Daily Bread" article which I caught up on today.  A couple sections especially got to me...

Love is not blind but looks

Abroad through others' eyes,

And asks not, "Must I give?"

But, "May I sacrifice?" -Ziegler

Yea, I am approaching this quote first because it's easier for me to discuss.   I've done a lot lately, not because I felt I must give, but because I felt there were things I could myself sacrifice to do something for others.  And I did.  And no, love is not blind.  Sometimes, however, love gives the false impression that you can see clearly when actually you can't.  You can't always see what you're doing clearly, and unfortunately giving sometimes means hurting, both someone else and yourself.  Why someone else?  Because they can't give in return.  Which is where the rest comes in...

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.

Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,

not looking to your own interests

but each of you to the interests of the others.

-Philippians 2:3-4

I cannot deny for a second that a lot of my giving and sacrificing had selfish intents.  And I was looking to my own interests and not to the interests of others.  And after having read this I am feeling REALLY bad.  Like horribly bad.  Because I can't walk in anyone's shoes but my own, and while I would gladly walk in someone else's shoes to remove some of the stress, scariness, uncomfortableness, etc., those shoes are not mine and will not fit.  I can't walk on their shoes, but can only be asked to walk beside them, which I haven't been.  And, I won't deny that I've wanted that invitation.

BUT, I must also say, that I do wish I could help.  More than anything, I wish I could be Mary Poppins and snap my fingers to clean up the messes.  That would be a wonderful day.  But I'm not Mary Poppins.  I'm a 32-year old single-mother of two working a (basically) minimum wage job to pay my bills.  And they're not even all getting paid (on-time).  And somehow I need to focus on cleaning up my own messes, even if they are not the ones I want to focus on.  Because, how can I help anyone else if I don't have my rent paid, gas, water and electric paid for, a job, or food in my kitchen for me and my boys? 

DAY 61, Post 4

I've spent a good bit of time job searching tonight, only to reach the conclusion that job searching SUCKS.  Monster.com and Careerbuilder produced few results that I even looked at, and even those require more experience (in whatever field the job is in) than I have.  And although I applied for quite a few jobs on Craigslist, I'm dismayed that I received quite a few canned responses asking me to visit such-and-such a website to fill out a credit report or some other bogus offer.  Sigh.

So...  I've decided to look at the progress I've made on my Mini-Goals instead...

1. Keep on job searching.  Doing it!
2. Scrapbook!  I've got most of my inventory back, and it's about time I use some of this stuff for my personal use!  Doing it!
3. Keep my apartment clean and start throwing out clutter.  Trying to do it, but I could be better...
4. Turn off the lights and TV every night.  Trying to do it, but I could be better...
5. Cook a real meal every night that I have the boys.  Getting better at this!
6. Read every night, both to the boys and to myself.  Thing 2 enjoys reading the Childrens Bible I bought him and Thing 1 with me before bed.  While we don't do it every night, we do it a few nights a week.
7. Knit 3 more blocks for my blanket....  Let's be realistic this month! I finished the front and kangaroo pocket for CL-WoW's sweater.  Does that count?
8. Buy a new board or card game for my boys once a month and make a point of playing a game every night with them.  Not in the past two weeks due to money constraints.  Perhaps by the 14th though!

DAY 61, Post 2

I can't really express how I've felt today.  My emotions, feelings, etc. run all over the gamut.  Tired, motivated, proud, spiritual...  Those are just a few...

I covered a shift at work this morning for a girl who has now lost her job for not showing up and not calling up for a few shifts earlier this week.  As much as I can't stand my job sometimes, I can't imagine just letting it go.  And that's not to say there aren't times I just want to quit.  Because there certainly are.  But even if/when I find a better job, I still planning on keeping this one just as a back-up.  Will I be exhausted from working so much?  Hell, yea!  But I never want to be in the situation where I don't have a job again.  So if it takes two jobs to ensure this, then so-be-it.

While I hate to admit it, I was able to pay my rent today, by myself, for the first time since I moved in here in December.  And writing that rent check was...  Exhilirating.  After that I came home and paid part of my electricity bill as well.  Thank goodness for companies that allow partial payments!  While I could have paid the full amount that my bill showed, that would have left only a little bit of money in my account until I get paid in two weeks.  And I don't like having that little in my account.  I think I've written it before, but it's amazing how I can manage my money when I don't have a lot, but when I did have...  More...  I handled it like shit.  I don't think I've had one overdraft charge since I moved out in December.  Woo hoo for me! 

After getting home I cleaned the living room, washed one batch of dishes, took care of the trash and did a load and a half of laundry.  I wouldn't have had to do the second load of laundry but the darn cat won't stop peeing on Thing 1's bed.  Yuck, I know.  But with Penny here, Miki has taken up refuge in Thing 1's room. 

And Penny...  Damn her sometimes...  This morning I found her chewing Thing 1's NEW hearing aid, which he had left on the floor last night.  Not the place to leave it by any means, but damn it, Penny!  Thing 1 lost his hearing aid the day we moved out and DH just took him to get this new one three weeks ago.  Hearing aids, for those of you who don't know, are NOT covered by health insurance, and cost over a thousand dollars each.  So...  I will have the pleasure of covering the cost of the new earmold.  The earmold is the plastic piece that goes into the ear.  Thank goodness the electronic part was spared from Penny's wrath.

The boys have realized that the weekends they are with me coincide with the Friday's I get paid.  Thing 2 has been begging for a new baseball glove, however that's not in the budget right now.  Neither is dinner at La Fiesta, which they have been asking for as well.  The baseball glove isn't a necessity, however his glove from last year is currently missing, as is Thing 1's baseball bat.  And Thing 1's baseball practice started this week, so...  Yea...

Tomorrow is the last Saturday of sports for the boys at the YMCA until the fall, for which I am immensely grateful.  While I enjoy watching the boys play, spending over three hours of my Saturdays off at the YMCA is not the highlight of my weekend.  I'll be much happier this spring and summer watching them play baseball, especially since I am not coaching this season.  I'll miss coaching, without a doubt, but with my job at CMG, I can't afford to take off all the time for practice and games.  I don't think a parent realizes just how much time and energy coaching takes until they've done it themselves.  Unfortunately for the coaches, they suffer sometimes from the wrath of parents who don't realize the sacrifices the coaching parents make.

This week I have learned the value of patience, from a variety of experiences.  Work, customers, CL-WoW have each taught me a bit.  And I appreciate the lessons each have provided.  It's amazing, however, how much the customers taught me, and not necessarily in a positive way.  With the computers down yesterday, it was amazing how nasty some customers got when they couldn't speed through the line as they normally do.  But then there are the customers behind the nasty customers who try to make the cashier's (my) day better by joking about the previous customers.  Two women especially, put a smile on my face yesterday when they commented on the customer in front of them.  So thank you, ladies!  Patience truly is a virtue!

So for the next few weeks and months, I will exercise patience.  And it's going to be an interesting couple of weeks.  I could be divorced this coming Tuesday if everything goes smoothly at our pre-trial.  Or, it could be just shy of two weeks from now when I'm officially divorced, and if that's the case, I will patiently await the day.  I thought about the day for years, and I can patiently wait a couple more weeks for it.  And as for the other things/situations I am hoping for, I will patiently wait for them as well.  No more trying to force them to happen sooner rather than later.  If they happen, they will happen when they are supposed to.  But in the meantime I need to remind myself to focus on what I need rather than what I want.

DAY 55, Post 2

Apparently worrying is sinning. But is it so bad when I'm worrying about someone else, rather than about myself? Worrying that he's not feeling alone, even though Jesus and others (including me) are there for him?

I'm working today. Finally on break, and looking forward to getting out at 5pm. As much as I would love to take a ride tonight, the laundry, dishes and other small messes in my apartment call to me. And once again, if this is THE weekend, I don't want to possibly interfere. So again, I won't email or try to contact otherwise.

But damn, I worry.

DAY 54, Post 3

I'm completely exhausted, yet my brain is in complete over-drive.  Actually, I have no desire to sit at home, and would get up and drive if I didn't have to finish drying clothes for the boys.  They are at DH's this weekend.  I can't say I won't be driving after I drop the clothes off at his house.  It's either that or pass out on the living room floor, as I don't feel like making my bed.

Work was...  Work today.  I kept my mouth shut and not that I ever let myself stand still (unless there is a customer at the register with me), I definitely didn't let myself stand still.  SK, one of the two managers I like, told me I did great today.  That made me feel better...  Sort of.  The funny, although not of the ha-ha kind, is that three others asked me if I had gotten my break today.  I guess it was made more of a conversation last night after I left.  I choose not to think about that though.

I look around my apartment, and although it's not a wreck, Penny knows how to make a mess while nobody's at home.  Yarn and shoes are strewn all over the living room, I know I really should clean them up.  But...  I really don't feel like it.  I want to snap my fingers like Mary Poppins and have everything put away where it belongs.

It's a good thing I'm not a drinker.  And by drinker I mean serious, hard-core drinker.  Because if I was, I would probably spend the night in a bar.  And a drink doesn't even sound appetizing, just the numbing effects do.

DAY 50, Post 2

Today I receive my first glimpse of what being a single mom with a sick child is like.  DH wouldn't help me, and replied to the last of my texts with a snippy response.  I didn't appreciate it.  So, I had to call off work.  Gulp.  I hate calling off work.  I've called off work enough already, and with April rent looming right around the corner, any missed day hurts.

Last night was a rough night of sleep.  I slept on the floor in the living room for a good bit so that I wouldn't disturb Thing 1 who was sleeping in my bed.  When I did go to my bed, I dreamt.  And once again he was in my dreams.  It's agonizing seeing him in my dreams.  And for some reason in my dream last night he brought 30 people with him and they wanted to play some game where we all crammed into a car.  Did you know you can get claustrophobic in a dream?  Well, you can!

The dream took place at a hotel where the elevators when up, down, forward, back, left and right.  And I was lost.  I feel lost anyways, and I guess it was reflected in my dream.  I couldn't find the path to where I wanted to go, and that's how I feel in my everyday life.  And it sucks.  I don't want to move on, per say, but I know that where I am right now is not working.

DAY 44, Post 2

I sit here, at work, leisurely enjoying my employee meal before my shift starts at 4pm. And I think...

It's strange how sometimes you are provided what you need right when you need it. For example, with $1 left in my bank account, I received a small child support payment today. Oh, what a surprise it was. And while I immediately thought about all the stuff I want to buy, I immediately reigned myself in and thought about what the money NEEDS to go towards... Rent. Utilities. Gas. Food.

But I went to pull my laundry out of the dryer and pulled out one of the pairs of jeans I've been wearing to work for the past two months. To say I can't wear them without a belt would be an understatement. Even with a belt they look like balloon pants. And I made a decision.

A half hour or so later, I walked out of Kohls with a brand new pair of jeans. The pair I wore in/out were size 14. The new pair (the first and only pair I tried on!) are size 8. Wow... Do I have Buyer's Remorse? Yes, a little. But damn, it feels incredible to wear jeans to work that feel AND look good.

DAY 43, Post 4

Almost a month ago I posted a bunch of Mini-Goals for the month.  I decided it's time to evaluate my progress and set new goals for next month...

1. Get an oil change for my car.  It's overdue and I've been neglecting it due to money. DID IT!
2. Inquire about design jobs.  I may not like working at a desk all day, but I'd rather do that than give up my nights and weekends being bossed around by kids 10 years younger than me. I've been looking for jobs, but haven't been focusing on only interior design.  So far, I haven't found anything, but I'm not giving up.
3. Buy some paint and start the S.O.S. collection.  Due to money I wasn't able to do this...  This month...
4. Keep my apartment clean and start throwing out clutter. Eh...  I tried...
5. Turn off the lights and TV every night.  Yea, I must admit my electricity bill is inflated because turning off the lights and TV makes me lonely. The lights have definitely been turned off more than they were last month, but I need to get better at this still...
6. Make a wreath for my front door with my boys.  Due to money we didn't do this either...
7. Start cooking actual meals.  Eating CMG and only CMG is not good for me.  Eh...  I cooked more this month, but I didn't make as much progress as I had hoped.
8. Read every night, both to the boys and to myself. I've read the Bible quite a bit, but I need to be better about reading to the boys.
9. Following up on #8, work on paying of the library tab, haha. Yea...  Didn't happen...
10. Knit 10 more blocks for my blanket. Didn't even finish one more...  But I started!
11. Buy a new board or card game for my boys once a month and make a point of playing a game every night with them.  We bought UNO this month but only played a couple of times.
12. Positive visualization  I've decided to eliminate drama-filled people from my life, and stay positive.  The visualization isn't necessarily up to me.

So for next month...

1. Keep on job searching. 
2. Scrapbook!  I've got most of my inventory back, and it's about time I use some of this stuff for my personal use! 
3. Keep my apartment clean and start throwing out clutter.
4. Turn off the lights and TV every night.  Yea, I must admit my electricity bill is inflated because turning off the lights and TV makes me lonely.
5. Cook a real meal every night that I have the boys.
6. Read every night, both to the boys and to myself.
7. Knit 3 more blocks for my blanket....  Let's be realistic this month!
8. Buy a new board or card game for my boys once a month and make a point of playing a game every night with them.