WoW... Today marks three months since THAT day... I never knew that would be the last kiss. I never knew that making the drive out there to get my key would be... It. I was just SO hurt and SO angry. I didn't see any reason why I should have been tested. I still don't I suppose. I was who I am, and the actions I have taken since then have all been trying to recover some of what was lost.
Because honestly... I don't want THAT kiss to have been the last. I don't want that to have been the last time we listen to "Feeling Good" together in his car. I don't want that day to be the last day I ever hear a real laugh from him. And I don't want that day to have been... It... It was too good before then to just end like that.
It's 2am and I'm awake. And I don't want to be. I want to be asleep. But my dreams are once again taking me back to him and it hurts.
I should say, Thing 2 woke up with a bloody nose, and after his fall at the park today, it concerns me. He's sleeping on the living room floor beside me right now, and I feel comforted that I can keep a watchful eye on him. Penny's also curled up next to him. It's amazing how she's willing to be so close to him when he's not awake, haha.
Showing posts with label Penny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Penny. Show all posts
Monday, April 18, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
DAY 77, Post 2
I'm not feeling it today. I've turned to my Bible and prayer notebook to try to find refuge from all of my thoughts. But it's not working.
I have so many "why" questions on my mind, but I know I can't ask for or search for answers. When they are ready to present themselves they will. But God, I wish the answers would present themselves sooner rather than later.
This will be an... Interesting... Week... It will be my last full week at CMG as my job at AH starts a week from Monday. And next weekend I'll have some real furniture in my apartment finally, thanks to Mom and Aunt Flushy. AND... Next Sunday is my re-affirmation at Ginghamsburg.
Today was a rough day. Check out how I described an experience at the park in an email...
"I took the boys and Penny to the park today after church and I sat there reading my Bible... And then I heard (Thing 2) scream. He came running at me with a bloody nose and dirt and mulch all over his back.
"Some kid (and you better believe I let him and the adults he was with have it) told (Thing 2) he needed to make a sacrifice for him. A sacrifice,... What the hell does a child (Thing 2's) age or even (Thing 1's) age know about the word "sacrifice"?
"But the conversation in the car shocked me. (Thing 1) asked me what the word sacrifice means, and (Thing 2) said "to get hurt so someone else doesn't have to." I guess (Thing 2) has been listening at church when Pastor Mike says that Jesus sacrificed himself on the cross for all of our sins."
The rest of this email doesn't help with my current attitude or my thought pattern today. I'll leave this post at that.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
I have so many "why" questions on my mind, but I know I can't ask for or search for answers. When they are ready to present themselves they will. But God, I wish the answers would present themselves sooner rather than later.
This will be an... Interesting... Week... It will be my last full week at CMG as my job at AH starts a week from Monday. And next weekend I'll have some real furniture in my apartment finally, thanks to Mom and Aunt Flushy. AND... Next Sunday is my re-affirmation at Ginghamsburg.
Today was a rough day. Check out how I described an experience at the park in an email...
"I took the boys and Penny to the park today after church and I sat there reading my Bible... And then I heard (Thing 2) scream. He came running at me with a bloody nose and dirt and mulch all over his back.
"Some kid (and you better believe I let him and the adults he was with have it) told (Thing 2) he needed to make a sacrifice for him. A sacrifice,... What the hell does a child (Thing 2's) age or even (Thing 1's) age know about the word "sacrifice"?
"But the conversation in the car shocked me. (Thing 1) asked me what the word sacrifice means, and (Thing 2) said "to get hurt so someone else doesn't have to." I guess (Thing 2) has been listening at church when Pastor Mike says that Jesus sacrificed himself on the cross for all of our sins."
The rest of this email doesn't help with my current attitude or my thought pattern today. I'll leave this post at that.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Monday, April 4, 2011
DAY 64, Post 3
Like the rest of this year, today was a truly cleansing day. Not only did I clean up the apartment, but I also cleaned up my life a bit. And no, I didn't let go of that biggest lingering thought in my life. But, I did let go, in a way of another.
It's sad to see this year how "friends" have been one of the least clean, negative things in my life. I entered this year thinking I knew who my local best friends were. And while I still have GREAT friends in the area (so please don't be offended if you're among them), the ones who have chosen to remove themselves from my life, in one way or another, is somewhat dismaying. I'm happy, however, that today's cleansing did not involve losing a friend.
Penny, unfortunately, got a cleansing of her own today. I put her outside this morning and five minutes later went to let her in to realize that it had started pouring. Poor puppy was soaking wet. It's funny... Her fur when she is wet looks like somebody spent hours crimping it like my sisters and I did in the 80's.
It's sad to see this year how "friends" have been one of the least clean, negative things in my life. I entered this year thinking I knew who my local best friends were. And while I still have GREAT friends in the area (so please don't be offended if you're among them), the ones who have chosen to remove themselves from my life, in one way or another, is somewhat dismaying. I'm happy, however, that today's cleansing did not involve losing a friend.
Penny, unfortunately, got a cleansing of her own today. I put her outside this morning and five minutes later went to let her in to realize that it had started pouring. Poor puppy was soaking wet. It's funny... Her fur when she is wet looks like somebody spent hours crimping it like my sisters and I did in the 80's.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
DAY 62, Post 2
Last night I decided to tackle this big yarn mess that Penny made...
This tangled mess of yarn made me think about my life, and the big, complicated knots I knit for myself sometimes. Although not on purpose, I seem to get myself, physically and emotionally, into situations I can't get out of, at all or very easily.
It took me an hour, and a lot of patience, to sit there and figure out where the ends of every skein were supposed to go. I had six skeins of yarn to figure out. Thinking about it now, I remember that one of my grandmothers used to give me a dollar to untangle her (fake) pearls when I was a little girl. For some reason, I was the only one of the granddaughters with enough patience to sit there and figure it out for her. Somewhere along the last 25+ years, I've lost that patience and developed the need to fix everything RIGHT NOW. I need to slow down again. Let things happen in their own time.
After I untangled the web, I was able to finish knitting the fourth block of my blanket...
I made a mistake on it when I was knitting, but like life, which is full of mistakes which cannot be undone, I decided to leave it. And while it may not be apparent to other people's unknowing eyes, I'll know it's there. But the mistake will build character in my blanket, make it mine, just like the mistakes in my life make it truly mine as well.
Nobody gives us a script to run our lives. And while I have a pattern to follow to make my blanket, it's still mine. Mistakes will happen. And I've decided to make the blanket bigger to fit my bed. So I'll take that and implement it into my life. I'm taking the script that wasn't given to me, and I'm going to make my life bigger. And yes, mistakes will happen, but they'll happen for a reason. And I'll smile, learn from them, and continue to make my life... Truly MINE.
This tangled mess of yarn made me think about my life, and the big, complicated knots I knit for myself sometimes. Although not on purpose, I seem to get myself, physically and emotionally, into situations I can't get out of, at all or very easily.
It took me an hour, and a lot of patience, to sit there and figure out where the ends of every skein were supposed to go. I had six skeins of yarn to figure out. Thinking about it now, I remember that one of my grandmothers used to give me a dollar to untangle her (fake) pearls when I was a little girl. For some reason, I was the only one of the granddaughters with enough patience to sit there and figure it out for her. Somewhere along the last 25+ years, I've lost that patience and developed the need to fix everything RIGHT NOW. I need to slow down again. Let things happen in their own time.
After I untangled the web, I was able to finish knitting the fourth block of my blanket...
I made a mistake on it when I was knitting, but like life, which is full of mistakes which cannot be undone, I decided to leave it. And while it may not be apparent to other people's unknowing eyes, I'll know it's there. But the mistake will build character in my blanket, make it mine, just like the mistakes in my life make it truly mine as well.
Nobody gives us a script to run our lives. And while I have a pattern to follow to make my blanket, it's still mine. Mistakes will happen. And I've decided to make the blanket bigger to fit my bed. So I'll take that and implement it into my life. I'm taking the script that wasn't given to me, and I'm going to make my life bigger. And yes, mistakes will happen, but they'll happen for a reason. And I'll smile, learn from them, and continue to make my life... Truly MINE.
Friday, April 1, 2011
DAY 61, Post 2
I can't really express how I've felt today. My emotions, feelings, etc. run all over the gamut. Tired, motivated, proud, spiritual... Those are just a few...
I covered a shift at work this morning for a girl who has now lost her job for not showing up and not calling up for a few shifts earlier this week. As much as I can't stand my job sometimes, I can't imagine just letting it go. And that's not to say there aren't times I just want to quit. Because there certainly are. But even if/when I find a better job, I still planning on keeping this one just as a back-up. Will I be exhausted from working so much? Hell, yea! But I never want to be in the situation where I don't have a job again. So if it takes two jobs to ensure this, then so-be-it.
While I hate to admit it, I was able to pay my rent today, by myself, for the first time since I moved in here in December. And writing that rent check was... Exhilirating. After that I came home and paid part of my electricity bill as well. Thank goodness for companies that allow partial payments! While I could have paid the full amount that my bill showed, that would have left only a little bit of money in my account until I get paid in two weeks. And I don't like having that little in my account. I think I've written it before, but it's amazing how I can manage my money when I don't have a lot, but when I did have... More... I handled it like shit. I don't think I've had one overdraft charge since I moved out in December. Woo hoo for me!
After getting home I cleaned the living room, washed one batch of dishes, took care of the trash and did a load and a half of laundry. I wouldn't have had to do the second load of laundry but the darn cat won't stop peeing on Thing 1's bed. Yuck, I know. But with Penny here, Miki has taken up refuge in Thing 1's room.
And Penny... Damn her sometimes... This morning I found her chewing Thing 1's NEW hearing aid, which he had left on the floor last night. Not the place to leave it by any means, but damn it, Penny! Thing 1 lost his hearing aid the day we moved out and DH just took him to get this new one three weeks ago. Hearing aids, for those of you who don't know, are NOT covered by health insurance, and cost over a thousand dollars each. So... I will have the pleasure of covering the cost of the new earmold. The earmold is the plastic piece that goes into the ear. Thank goodness the electronic part was spared from Penny's wrath.
The boys have realized that the weekends they are with me coincide with the Friday's I get paid. Thing 2 has been begging for a new baseball glove, however that's not in the budget right now. Neither is dinner at La Fiesta, which they have been asking for as well. The baseball glove isn't a necessity, however his glove from last year is currently missing, as is Thing 1's baseball bat. And Thing 1's baseball practice started this week, so... Yea...
Tomorrow is the last Saturday of sports for the boys at the YMCA until the fall, for which I am immensely grateful. While I enjoy watching the boys play, spending over three hours of my Saturdays off at the YMCA is not the highlight of my weekend. I'll be much happier this spring and summer watching them play baseball, especially since I am not coaching this season. I'll miss coaching, without a doubt, but with my job at CMG, I can't afford to take off all the time for practice and games. I don't think a parent realizes just how much time and energy coaching takes until they've done it themselves. Unfortunately for the coaches, they suffer sometimes from the wrath of parents who don't realize the sacrifices the coaching parents make.
This week I have learned the value of patience, from a variety of experiences. Work, customers, CL-WoW have each taught me a bit. And I appreciate the lessons each have provided. It's amazing, however, how much the customers taught me, and not necessarily in a positive way. With the computers down yesterday, it was amazing how nasty some customers got when they couldn't speed through the line as they normally do. But then there are the customers behind the nasty customers who try to make the cashier's (my) day better by joking about the previous customers. Two women especially, put a smile on my face yesterday when they commented on the customer in front of them. So thank you, ladies! Patience truly is a virtue!
So for the next few weeks and months, I will exercise patience. And it's going to be an interesting couple of weeks. I could be divorced this coming Tuesday if everything goes smoothly at our pre-trial. Or, it could be just shy of two weeks from now when I'm officially divorced, and if that's the case, I will patiently await the day. I thought about the day for years, and I can patiently wait a couple more weeks for it. And as for the other things/situations I am hoping for, I will patiently wait for them as well. No more trying to force them to happen sooner rather than later. If they happen, they will happen when they are supposed to. But in the meantime I need to remind myself to focus on what I need rather than what I want.
I covered a shift at work this morning for a girl who has now lost her job for not showing up and not calling up for a few shifts earlier this week. As much as I can't stand my job sometimes, I can't imagine just letting it go. And that's not to say there aren't times I just want to quit. Because there certainly are. But even if/when I find a better job, I still planning on keeping this one just as a back-up. Will I be exhausted from working so much? Hell, yea! But I never want to be in the situation where I don't have a job again. So if it takes two jobs to ensure this, then so-be-it.
While I hate to admit it, I was able to pay my rent today, by myself, for the first time since I moved in here in December. And writing that rent check was... Exhilirating. After that I came home and paid part of my electricity bill as well. Thank goodness for companies that allow partial payments! While I could have paid the full amount that my bill showed, that would have left only a little bit of money in my account until I get paid in two weeks. And I don't like having that little in my account. I think I've written it before, but it's amazing how I can manage my money when I don't have a lot, but when I did have... More... I handled it like shit. I don't think I've had one overdraft charge since I moved out in December. Woo hoo for me!
After getting home I cleaned the living room, washed one batch of dishes, took care of the trash and did a load and a half of laundry. I wouldn't have had to do the second load of laundry but the darn cat won't stop peeing on Thing 1's bed. Yuck, I know. But with Penny here, Miki has taken up refuge in Thing 1's room.
And Penny... Damn her sometimes... This morning I found her chewing Thing 1's NEW hearing aid, which he had left on the floor last night. Not the place to leave it by any means, but damn it, Penny! Thing 1 lost his hearing aid the day we moved out and DH just took him to get this new one three weeks ago. Hearing aids, for those of you who don't know, are NOT covered by health insurance, and cost over a thousand dollars each. So... I will have the pleasure of covering the cost of the new earmold. The earmold is the plastic piece that goes into the ear. Thank goodness the electronic part was spared from Penny's wrath.
The boys have realized that the weekends they are with me coincide with the Friday's I get paid. Thing 2 has been begging for a new baseball glove, however that's not in the budget right now. Neither is dinner at La Fiesta, which they have been asking for as well. The baseball glove isn't a necessity, however his glove from last year is currently missing, as is Thing 1's baseball bat. And Thing 1's baseball practice started this week, so... Yea...
Tomorrow is the last Saturday of sports for the boys at the YMCA until the fall, for which I am immensely grateful. While I enjoy watching the boys play, spending over three hours of my Saturdays off at the YMCA is not the highlight of my weekend. I'll be much happier this spring and summer watching them play baseball, especially since I am not coaching this season. I'll miss coaching, without a doubt, but with my job at CMG, I can't afford to take off all the time for practice and games. I don't think a parent realizes just how much time and energy coaching takes until they've done it themselves. Unfortunately for the coaches, they suffer sometimes from the wrath of parents who don't realize the sacrifices the coaching parents make.
This week I have learned the value of patience, from a variety of experiences. Work, customers, CL-WoW have each taught me a bit. And I appreciate the lessons each have provided. It's amazing, however, how much the customers taught me, and not necessarily in a positive way. With the computers down yesterday, it was amazing how nasty some customers got when they couldn't speed through the line as they normally do. But then there are the customers behind the nasty customers who try to make the cashier's (my) day better by joking about the previous customers. Two women especially, put a smile on my face yesterday when they commented on the customer in front of them. So thank you, ladies! Patience truly is a virtue!
So for the next few weeks and months, I will exercise patience. And it's going to be an interesting couple of weeks. I could be divorced this coming Tuesday if everything goes smoothly at our pre-trial. Or, it could be just shy of two weeks from now when I'm officially divorced, and if that's the case, I will patiently await the day. I thought about the day for years, and I can patiently wait a couple more weeks for it. And as for the other things/situations I am hoping for, I will patiently wait for them as well. No more trying to force them to happen sooner rather than later. If they happen, they will happen when they are supposed to. But in the meantime I need to remind myself to focus on what I need rather than what I want.
Friday, March 25, 2011
DAY 54, Post 3
I'm completely exhausted, yet my brain is in complete over-drive. Actually, I have no desire to sit at home, and would get up and drive if I didn't have to finish drying clothes for the boys. They are at DH's this weekend. I can't say I won't be driving after I drop the clothes off at his house. It's either that or pass out on the living room floor, as I don't feel like making my bed.
Work was... Work today. I kept my mouth shut and not that I ever let myself stand still (unless there is a customer at the register with me), I definitely didn't let myself stand still. SK, one of the two managers I like, told me I did great today. That made me feel better... Sort of. The funny, although not of the ha-ha kind, is that three others asked me if I had gotten my break today. I guess it was made more of a conversation last night after I left. I choose not to think about that though.
I look around my apartment, and although it's not a wreck, Penny knows how to make a mess while nobody's at home. Yarn and shoes are strewn all over the living room, I know I really should clean them up. But... I really don't feel like it. I want to snap my fingers like Mary Poppins and have everything put away where it belongs.
It's a good thing I'm not a drinker. And by drinker I mean serious, hard-core drinker. Because if I was, I would probably spend the night in a bar. And a drink doesn't even sound appetizing, just the numbing effects do.
Work was... Work today. I kept my mouth shut and not that I ever let myself stand still (unless there is a customer at the register with me), I definitely didn't let myself stand still. SK, one of the two managers I like, told me I did great today. That made me feel better... Sort of. The funny, although not of the ha-ha kind, is that three others asked me if I had gotten my break today. I guess it was made more of a conversation last night after I left. I choose not to think about that though.
I look around my apartment, and although it's not a wreck, Penny knows how to make a mess while nobody's at home. Yarn and shoes are strewn all over the living room, I know I really should clean them up. But... I really don't feel like it. I want to snap my fingers like Mary Poppins and have everything put away where it belongs.
It's a good thing I'm not a drinker. And by drinker I mean serious, hard-core drinker. Because if I was, I would probably spend the night in a bar. And a drink doesn't even sound appetizing, just the numbing effects do.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
DAY 52, Post 2
I'm laughing at myself. OK, maybe not at myself... My knitting...
And I'm proud of myself. I pulled through and finished the front of the sweater today. But goodness, it's HUGE! I told him I was knitting it big because he tends to wear bigger clothes, at least in the winter, but geez... This thing is HUGE!!!
And I'm proud of myself. I pulled through and finished the front of the sweater today. But goodness, it's HUGE! I told him I was knitting it big because he tends to wear bigger clothes, at least in the winter, but geez... This thing is HUGE!!!
Penny is small, but not THAT small!
Now I have the movie, "Ghost" in my head...
ODA MAE: "Hey, Molly!
SAM: The sweater she knitted, in the closet, that´s too big.
ODA MAE: He just told me about the sweater that you knitted that´s too big.
SAM: Four sizes.
SAM: The sweater she knitted, in the closet, that´s too big.
ODA MAE: He just told me about the sweater that you knitted that´s too big.
SAM: Four sizes.
Yea, this one's at least four sizes too big...
Sunday, March 20, 2011
DAY 49, Post 2
What a beautiful first day of spring. Unfortunately Thing 1 is sick and is in my bed sleeping the afternoon away. Thing 2 and I, however, are outside, enjoying the fresh air with Julie's son (also 5 years old), Penny, and Penny's brother (who Julie adopted), Finn.
Despite Thing 1 being ill, we went to church this morning. Again, I left feeling like the sermon was directed at me. Today the preacher (don't know who he was today) was speaking about the company Jesus tended to keep. While he could have invited or been invited by any number of God following members of his society, he socialized a lot with people who needed God in their lives and were lacking his presence. He directed us not to cast such people out of our lives, but to help them find the way of God. Wow.
While there are people who have been in my life who need God, and there are still, I will admit that there a few in particular that I choose to never to have any type of social relationship with ever again. But for the rest, I will be more mindful not to cast them aside immediately, despite the path I am trying to follow for myself.
And for the one who has expressed how much Jesus is needed in their life, I hope you find him. I will help you in any way I can.
This is what elastic waisted pants were invented for...
Despite Thing 1 being ill, we went to church this morning. Again, I left feeling like the sermon was directed at me. Today the preacher (don't know who he was today) was speaking about the company Jesus tended to keep. While he could have invited or been invited by any number of God following members of his society, he socialized a lot with people who needed God in their lives and were lacking his presence. He directed us not to cast such people out of our lives, but to help them find the way of God. Wow.
While there are people who have been in my life who need God, and there are still, I will admit that there a few in particular that I choose to never to have any type of social relationship with ever again. But for the rest, I will be more mindful not to cast them aside immediately, despite the path I am trying to follow for myself.
And for the one who has expressed how much Jesus is needed in their life, I hope you find him. I will help you in any way I can.
Friday, March 18, 2011
DAY 47, Post 2
It's been quite a day, and emotionally draining just about the whole way.
I had forgotten that I had requested today off months ago for CL-WoW's birthday which is tomorrow, and it was hard to sit here thinking about that. Even though I closed last night and got out really late, I almost wished I would get called in today just so I would have something to keep my mind off of him.
But... I went to the mall. With having lost so much weight, my clothes are a constant battle for me. I managed to find some REALLY nice sales at Old Navy and got a pair of pants, two shirts and a dress (appropriate for interviews, work or going out) for a total of $40. I felt really good about that, although it does hurt to spend any money on myself.
After shopping I was tired (a combination of working late, going to bed at 2am and getting up at 7:30am) and laid down for a little bit. I finished reading Genesis, the first book of the Bible, and am looking forward to starting Exodus tomorrow. I tried to take a nap after, however Penny found the opportunity to bark at every single noise outside. And considering what a BEAUTIFUL day it was, there was a lot of noise between kids, people, etc.
Tonight Things 1 and 2 had their worst meltdown since we moved into this apartment. They were fighting over my computer, and it turned into a shoving/biting/hitting match. I told them it was time for bed (it was 8:30) and they had MAJOR fits. To the point that Thing 1 told me he was going to jump out his bedroom window and he wanted to live with his dad. That was sooo hard for me to hear. He also told me that he is a "bad boy" and none of the kids at school like him. It took about 20 minutes for me to correct this right frame of mind, and I had to tickle him until he would say "I'm not a bad boy." I do not want my boys to believe they are bad boys. Do they make bad decisions sometimes? Yes! But don't we all?
DH and I texted just a few minutes ago about the rough night, and it turns out the boys are telling both of us that the other parent gives them three chances. And we both tell them that they know the rules and one chance to correct their behavior is enough. It's nice that although we really can't talk, we can at least agree on one thing.
I had forgotten that I had requested today off months ago for CL-WoW's birthday which is tomorrow, and it was hard to sit here thinking about that. Even though I closed last night and got out really late, I almost wished I would get called in today just so I would have something to keep my mind off of him.
But... I went to the mall. With having lost so much weight, my clothes are a constant battle for me. I managed to find some REALLY nice sales at Old Navy and got a pair of pants, two shirts and a dress (appropriate for interviews, work or going out) for a total of $40. I felt really good about that, although it does hurt to spend any money on myself.
After shopping I was tired (a combination of working late, going to bed at 2am and getting up at 7:30am) and laid down for a little bit. I finished reading Genesis, the first book of the Bible, and am looking forward to starting Exodus tomorrow. I tried to take a nap after, however Penny found the opportunity to bark at every single noise outside. And considering what a BEAUTIFUL day it was, there was a lot of noise between kids, people, etc.
Tonight Things 1 and 2 had their worst meltdown since we moved into this apartment. They were fighting over my computer, and it turned into a shoving/biting/hitting match. I told them it was time for bed (it was 8:30) and they had MAJOR fits. To the point that Thing 1 told me he was going to jump out his bedroom window and he wanted to live with his dad. That was sooo hard for me to hear. He also told me that he is a "bad boy" and none of the kids at school like him. It took about 20 minutes for me to correct this right frame of mind, and I had to tickle him until he would say "I'm not a bad boy." I do not want my boys to believe they are bad boys. Do they make bad decisions sometimes? Yes! But don't we all?
DH and I texted just a few minutes ago about the rough night, and it turns out the boys are telling both of us that the other parent gives them three chances. And we both tell them that they know the rules and one chance to correct their behavior is enough. It's nice that although we really can't talk, we can at least agree on one thing.
Monday, March 14, 2011
DAY 43, Post 2
It was an emotional day at work, and for once the emotions weren't from me. I must say, as bad as I felt for the two emotional ones, I found comfort in knowing I'm not the only one who gets emotional there to the point of tears. I think one of my co-workers is having a hard time with the requirements of the job, and the lack of a break that is sometimes received (especially by the opening shift), and I found myself reminding myself how thankful I am just to have a job.
Today marks T minus one-month to D-Day. Nine years ago I was counting down the days to the wedding, and now I'm looking forward to having my single life back to myself, officially. Can I even call it a single life though, considering now I have two boys, a dog and a very fat cat to support?
I got home today to find a notice in the mail that my Food Stamps have been terminated as of the end of this month due to child support. As scary as this could be for me, I'm not scared. Somehow I know everything will work out. I don't know how yet, but I know it will.
Today marks T minus one-month to D-Day. Nine years ago I was counting down the days to the wedding, and now I'm looking forward to having my single life back to myself, officially. Can I even call it a single life though, considering now I have two boys, a dog and a very fat cat to support?
I got home today to find a notice in the mail that my Food Stamps have been terminated as of the end of this month due to child support. As scary as this could be for me, I'm not scared. Somehow I know everything will work out. I don't know how yet, but I know it will.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
DAY 39, Post 5
Let there be light! CL-WoW took this light bulb out eight weeks ago, and for some reason it took me just as long to get the replacement light bulb.
But enough procrastination already! I don't know if I was hoping he would be back to fix it, but I finally did what I needed to tonight. I stood on the stool and changed the light bulb myself. And it was extremely satisfying.
Equally as satisfying was squishing an emotional flea out of my life today. Turns out this new connection was full of lies and deceitfulness, and that's something I didn't/don't need in my life.
Side note - how can such a small dog be full of such potent farts? Seriously, the dog walks right up behind me and lets it go. Gag.
Tonight the boys and I went down to Ginghamsburg, despite the snow, and I attended the first session of their "Momentum for Life" series. To my surprise, one of my neighbors was there. The session gave me a LOT to think about!
To close out tonight, I have to share this quote, which I just borrowed from a Facebook friend's status...
But enough procrastination already! I don't know if I was hoping he would be back to fix it, but I finally did what I needed to tonight. I stood on the stool and changed the light bulb myself. And it was extremely satisfying.
Equally as satisfying was squishing an emotional flea out of my life today. Turns out this new connection was full of lies and deceitfulness, and that's something I didn't/don't need in my life.
Side note - how can such a small dog be full of such potent farts? Seriously, the dog walks right up behind me and lets it go. Gag.
Tonight the boys and I went down to Ginghamsburg, despite the snow, and I attended the first session of their "Momentum for Life" series. To my surprise, one of my neighbors was there. The session gave me a LOT to think about!
To close out tonight, I have to share this quote, which I just borrowed from a Facebook friend's status...
DAY 39, Post 2
I had a dream about fleas last night. They were on Penny, but still... It got me thinking this morning.
I need to find a way to get rid of the fleas in my life for good. Because they're getting under my skin, and today I'm just angry at them.
I find it AMAZING, and not in a good way, how people in my life could or do act the way they do. It literally makes me sick. And I can't have that anymore. Dishonesty (to themselves and others), hatred, cruelty, etc. And no, I'm not just talking about one person. I just want to pick those fleas off my skin and crush them between my fingers. But I can't. I need to find a way to forgive them, and continue on in my life without them, or with minimal contact.
I went to Ginghamsburg last night for their Ash Wednesday service and found it incredible. They played a video at the beginning and I wish I could find a link to see it again. I don't know if the older attendees appreciated it as much as I did. I hope they did.
I need to find a way to get rid of the fleas in my life for good. Because they're getting under my skin, and today I'm just angry at them.
I find it AMAZING, and not in a good way, how people in my life could or do act the way they do. It literally makes me sick. And I can't have that anymore. Dishonesty (to themselves and others), hatred, cruelty, etc. And no, I'm not just talking about one person. I just want to pick those fleas off my skin and crush them between my fingers. But I can't. I need to find a way to forgive them, and continue on in my life without them, or with minimal contact.
I went to Ginghamsburg last night for their Ash Wednesday service and found it incredible. They played a video at the beginning and I wish I could find a link to see it again. I don't know if the older attendees appreciated it as much as I did. I hope they did.
Monday, February 28, 2011
DAY 29, Post 2
It's nearly 5am and storming for the third time tonight. Everytime the storms have come in Penny has started barking her head off, and this time the boys are awake too. Some teachers are going to have lots of grumpy kids on their hands today. Heck, I'm going to be grumpy too.
I've got a job interview at 2pm this afternoon. I was supposed to have this interview six weeks about but cancelled it due to everything that happened the day before, and also the expectation that the job with DWA would go somewhere. Well... The job with DWA went nowhere and I'm tired of (not even) living paycheck to paycheck so I decided to call the man back. Luckily he hasn't filled the position and was still interested in talking to me. Thankfully I had only told him about the DWA job offer, so I could tell him that the job never started.
Another strike of lightening. I just want to get in my car and drive. Thankfully the lack of gas in my gas tank and nearly empty bank account are keeping me home. I have a feeling the empty roads would make me feel worse than I do right now.
I've got a job interview at 2pm this afternoon. I was supposed to have this interview six weeks about but cancelled it due to everything that happened the day before, and also the expectation that the job with DWA would go somewhere. Well... The job with DWA went nowhere and I'm tired of (not even) living paycheck to paycheck so I decided to call the man back. Luckily he hasn't filled the position and was still interested in talking to me. Thankfully I had only told him about the DWA job offer, so I could tell him that the job never started.
Another strike of lightening. I just want to get in my car and drive. Thankfully the lack of gas in my gas tank and nearly empty bank account are keeping me home. I have a feeling the empty roads would make me feel worse than I do right now.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
DAY 25, Post 4
Soooo... My "Soul Mate Spec Sheet" in its revised form... (*are new)
1. Calls or texts within a day of first date
2. Doesn't mind and actually likes PDA
3. Sleeps on left side of bed
4. Knows how to and enjoys cooking
5. Sends texts/pictures during the day if/when thinking about me
6. At least 3 inches taller than me
7. At least 20 pounds heavier than me
8. In good shape
9. Smells good (Axe is a plus)
10. Likes kids
11. Likes video games*
12. Likes hockey
13. Likes to camp
14. Does not hunt
15. Great sense of humor
16. Reads books and/or magazines
17. Dark hair
18. Likes board games
19. Plays WoW*
20. Likes animals
21. Likes to stare at the stars
22. Likes to build things/work with hands
23. Looks at the glass as at least 1/2 full
24. Will eat cereal for dinner
25. Will take chances
26. Is spontaneous
27. Is NOT a couch potato
28. Loves to travel
29. Opens doors for me
30. Mixes CDs for me (or makes playlists on my iPOD for me)
31. Interested in architecture
32. Interested in restoring/renovating houses/buildings
33. Within 5 years of my age
34. Has a library card
35. Knows how to do laundry
36. Would dress up for Halloween
37. Has 3-5 (minimum) good local friends
38. Will paint my toenails
39. Voted for Obama
40. Hums or whistles
41. Will buy tampons/feminine products at the store
42. Has never been in jail
43. Is close to his family*
44. Likes ethnic food (Indian/Thai/Greek)
45. Doesn't mind if food touches*
46. Likes garbage plates*
47. Likes Sushi
48. Owns a swimsuit and likes to swim
49. Buys me tulips, even if they are out of season
50. Makes an effort to meet/know my friends
51. Likes my family and they like him*
52. Initiates activities with my boys
53. Stops by my office/work to say hi if in the area
54. Pays attention to positive details
55. Rubs my head/strokes my hair
56. Gives awesome massages
57. Awesome in bed* (hey, this is my list)
58. Loves to cuddle*
59. Takes out the garbage*
60. Hugging him is like dancing, even if we're standing still*
61. Says hello and goodbye with a kiss, hug and a smile*
62. Introduces me to local friends/family voluntarily within first two months*
63. Understands that money doesn't mean crap to me and isn't embarrassed by his place/status in life*
64. Is willing/able to communicate openly with me about past, present and future*
65. Doesn't mind and enjoys if I surprise him at work with a coffee or for break/lunch*
66. Gives as much as he receives*
67. Must have a verbal filter* (Added 03-03-2011)
1. Calls or texts within a day of first date
2. Doesn't mind and actually likes PDA
3. Sleeps on left side of bed
4. Knows how to and enjoys cooking
5. Sends texts/pictures during the day if/when thinking about me
6. At least 3 inches taller than me
7. At least 20 pounds heavier than me
8. In good shape
9. Smells good (Axe is a plus)
10. Likes kids
11. Likes video games*
12. Likes hockey
13. Likes to camp
14. Does not hunt
15. Great sense of humor
16. Reads books and/or magazines
17. Dark hair
18. Likes board games
19. Plays WoW*
20. Likes animals
21. Likes to stare at the stars
22. Likes to build things/work with hands
23. Looks at the glass as at least 1/2 full
24. Will eat cereal for dinner
25. Will take chances
26. Is spontaneous
27. Is NOT a couch potato
28. Loves to travel
29. Opens doors for me
30. Mixes CDs for me (or makes playlists on my iPOD for me)
31. Interested in architecture
32. Interested in restoring/renovating houses/buildings
33. Within 5 years of my age
34. Has a library card
35. Knows how to do laundry
36. Would dress up for Halloween
37. Has 3-5 (minimum) good local friends
38. Will paint my toenails
39. Voted for Obama
40. Hums or whistles
41. Will buy tampons/feminine products at the store
42. Has never been in jail
43. Is close to his family*
44. Likes ethnic food (Indian/Thai/Greek)
45. Doesn't mind if food touches*
46. Likes garbage plates*
47. Likes Sushi
48. Owns a swimsuit and likes to swim
49. Buys me tulips, even if they are out of season
50. Makes an effort to meet/know my friends
51. Likes my family and they like him*
52. Initiates activities with my boys
53. Stops by my office/work to say hi if in the area
54. Pays attention to positive details
55. Rubs my head/strokes my hair
56. Gives awesome massages
57. Awesome in bed* (hey, this is my list)
58. Loves to cuddle*
59. Takes out the garbage*
60. Hugging him is like dancing, even if we're standing still*
61. Says hello and goodbye with a kiss, hug and a smile*
62. Introduces me to local friends/family voluntarily within first two months*
63. Understands that money doesn't mean crap to me and isn't embarrassed by his place/status in life*
64. Is willing/able to communicate openly with me about past, present and future*
65. Doesn't mind and enjoys if I surprise him at work with a coffee or for break/lunch*
66. Gives as much as he receives*
67. Must have a verbal filter* (Added 03-03-2011)
DAY 25, Post 3
I was outside with our puppy, Penny, this morning, and was watching her run around with a piece of bread she found in a neighbor's yard. She scurried around for a bit, looking for a place to hide her treasure, and she made me think... "Dogs are smart. How do I 'hide' my treasures so that they don't escape me?"
This afternoon she had a stick. I have sticks... My boys, the little money I make at my job, my job, my apartment, my self-respect, my happiness, my health, my family, my friends... How do I not get the short end of the stick? How do I ensure someone isn't going to cut one of them down and try to take it away from me? And if they try, how do I prevent it?
The District Manager was in the restaurant today and was talking to my manager about design issues in our store. I couldn't help but to take the opportunity during my break to ask him if corporate positions are hired from within the company as well... and he said YES! He said that whenever possible, all positions are filled by people who are already within the company. AND he gave me the information for the Design Manager, as with the expansions and new locations the company is constantly having, they could possibly need additional help. So, I'll be contacting her to inquire about possible positions tonight!
This afternoon she had a stick. I have sticks... My boys, the little money I make at my job, my job, my apartment, my self-respect, my happiness, my health, my family, my friends... How do I not get the short end of the stick? How do I ensure someone isn't going to cut one of them down and try to take it away from me? And if they try, how do I prevent it?
The District Manager was in the restaurant today and was talking to my manager about design issues in our store. I couldn't help but to take the opportunity during my break to ask him if corporate positions are hired from within the company as well... and he said YES! He said that whenever possible, all positions are filled by people who are already within the company. AND he gave me the information for the Design Manager, as with the expansions and new locations the company is constantly having, they could possibly need additional help. So, I'll be contacting her to inquire about possible positions tonight!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
DAY 11
Ha ha ha ha. I can't think of any other emotion to describe how I feel about something I did last night...
I had a bad morning, but thanks to friends I was able to get back into better spirits and went to work feeling good. I had to close last night (a highlight of my day, especially cleaning the drains in the men's and women's rooms) but was lucky enough to be able to hang out with a friend after getting home...
And this is what I did...
Did it give me the answers I was looking for? No. Did it give me the ability to move on entirely without thinking about him? No. But damn, it felt GOOD! The sweater is still safe, and I'm thinking about finishing it, if even for myself and then it would be backless, but I'll just think of it as a "Snuggie" knitted sweater blanket. Complete with sleeves and a hood.
I just got off work and home from a long shift today... 10am - 5pm. Being in there at 10am is hard after leaving at 11:30 the night before. I think I got two hours of sleep last night. The boys are thankfully being great tonight, playing with Penny and on the Wii. I think I'll relax for a little bit before figuring out what to do with the rest of my night.
I had a bad morning, but thanks to friends I was able to get back into better spirits and went to work feeling good. I had to close last night (a highlight of my day, especially cleaning the drains in the men's and women's rooms) but was lucky enough to be able to hang out with a friend after getting home...
And this is what I did...
Did it give me the answers I was looking for? No. Did it give me the ability to move on entirely without thinking about him? No. But damn, it felt GOOD! The sweater is still safe, and I'm thinking about finishing it, if even for myself and then it would be backless, but I'll just think of it as a "Snuggie" knitted sweater blanket. Complete with sleeves and a hood.
I just got off work and home from a long shift today... 10am - 5pm. Being in there at 10am is hard after leaving at 11:30 the night before. I think I got two hours of sleep last night. The boys are thankfully being great tonight, playing with Penny and on the Wii. I think I'll relax for a little bit before figuring out what to do with the rest of my night.
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