I'll start with a little bit about optimism and keeping a positive attitude. This weekend was hindered by a dark cloud that I won't really get into, however I'm amazed by the positive attitude that some can keep, despite the rolling thunderstorms that seem to pop up on a random, unpredictable schedule. While some people in my life have an amazing (and to me un-admirable) ability to pick out all that doesn't work in their lives, those that pick out the good when the thunderstorms roll in have my support through anything. I certainly don't want or intend to be a fair weather friend, however those who can keep their chins up and keep smiling give me so much more hope about my own abilities to work through the storms in my life. So keep it, lovely. Keep smiling. Keep laughing. I love you and I'll be there for you through it all.
Moving on...
Being in love, and I mean REALLY in love, has made me feel almost bad for laughing... er, scoffing... at lines in movies when the actors said how love felt. Take Sleepless in Seattle for example. Tom Hanks' character says that when he and his deceased wife would touch it would feel like *magic*. I remember rolling my eyes at this line numerous times. "Yea, right." I would think. Love can't possibly feel like that. But folks, it does. And I'm in awe to actually be able to experience it for myself. I never imagined being with someone who would give me butterflies anytime I thought of him, and even more so whenever I see him. Someone who makes my arm tingle when he touches it, and makes me feel beautiful.. all the time...
I hope you all can feel this type of love someday if you don't already have it. To me, being able to give you this would be the best gift possible. Unfortunately I don't fly around in a diaper with wings on my back and a bow and arrow in my hand. But if I see cupid and know you're looking I'll send him your way.
Showing posts with label Thank You. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thank You. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Day 164, Post 1
Today has already been a whirlwind day. And it's probably going to get even more so considering I just drank a 6-hour energy shot and I'm currently nursing an AMP energy drink. (Can you tell I was feeling completely exhausted?)
To start the day off, Thing 2 beat me at a game of Backgammon (almost) fair-and-square before school. I found out my paycheck was deposited so I went to the ATM to get money for Dave and I to buy gas and my card was rejected as invalid. Invalid?? I called the bank and because I changed my last name due to the divorce, a new ATM card was issued a month ago. I just never opened the envelope. Doh.
So home I went, and then to Speedway to buy gas. Yea... I paid for $15, pulled the handle so it would pump while I was taking care of trash and the next thing I know, my car has $21+ in gas. And I'm an honest person so I went back in to take care of the balance I owed, but the girl at the cash register couldn't figure it out and customer comp'd the difference for me. Two gallons of free gas?!? I'll take it!
Then, an hour after I got to work there was a fire alarm and the fire truck came so... A nice ten minute break was had.
But I was crashing... Hard... I don't know why, but I was completely exhausted and coffee wasn't working so I went out during lunch to buy an energy shot. I decided while I was out to buy new headphones (Slacker.com keeps me going during the day and my headphones broke) at Meijer and while checking out, I had a feeling to buy two scratch-off lottery tickets for $1 each. And I won $4!
This afternoon I am getting my haircut for the first time since my birthday, and I am REALLY looking forward to it. While I know I could go to Great Clips and spend $15, haircuts by my favorite local stylist are the one luxury that I really allow myself. I am anything but a materialistic person as far as I'm concerned, but damn... A good haircut complete with a shampoo and style just feels SO great sometimes.
Dave reminds me occasionally that God will provide what we need, but today He is being VERY good to me! It's a GREAT day! Thank you!
To start the day off, Thing 2 beat me at a game of Backgammon (almost) fair-and-square before school. I found out my paycheck was deposited so I went to the ATM to get money for Dave and I to buy gas and my card was rejected as invalid. Invalid?? I called the bank and because I changed my last name due to the divorce, a new ATM card was issued a month ago. I just never opened the envelope. Doh.
So home I went, and then to Speedway to buy gas. Yea... I paid for $15, pulled the handle so it would pump while I was taking care of trash and the next thing I know, my car has $21+ in gas. And I'm an honest person so I went back in to take care of the balance I owed, but the girl at the cash register couldn't figure it out and customer comp'd the difference for me. Two gallons of free gas?!? I'll take it!
Then, an hour after I got to work there was a fire alarm and the fire truck came so... A nice ten minute break was had.
But I was crashing... Hard... I don't know why, but I was completely exhausted and coffee wasn't working so I went out during lunch to buy an energy shot. I decided while I was out to buy new headphones (Slacker.com keeps me going during the day and my headphones broke) at Meijer and while checking out, I had a feeling to buy two scratch-off lottery tickets for $1 each. And I won $4!
This afternoon I am getting my haircut for the first time since my birthday, and I am REALLY looking forward to it. While I know I could go to Great Clips and spend $15, haircuts by my favorite local stylist are the one luxury that I really allow myself. I am anything but a materialistic person as far as I'm concerned, but damn... A good haircut complete with a shampoo and style just feels SO great sometimes.
Dave reminds me occasionally that God will provide what we need, but today He is being VERY good to me! It's a GREAT day! Thank you!
Friday, April 1, 2011
DAY 61, Post 2
I can't really express how I've felt today. My emotions, feelings, etc. run all over the gamut. Tired, motivated, proud, spiritual... Those are just a few...
I covered a shift at work this morning for a girl who has now lost her job for not showing up and not calling up for a few shifts earlier this week. As much as I can't stand my job sometimes, I can't imagine just letting it go. And that's not to say there aren't times I just want to quit. Because there certainly are. But even if/when I find a better job, I still planning on keeping this one just as a back-up. Will I be exhausted from working so much? Hell, yea! But I never want to be in the situation where I don't have a job again. So if it takes two jobs to ensure this, then so-be-it.
While I hate to admit it, I was able to pay my rent today, by myself, for the first time since I moved in here in December. And writing that rent check was... Exhilirating. After that I came home and paid part of my electricity bill as well. Thank goodness for companies that allow partial payments! While I could have paid the full amount that my bill showed, that would have left only a little bit of money in my account until I get paid in two weeks. And I don't like having that little in my account. I think I've written it before, but it's amazing how I can manage my money when I don't have a lot, but when I did have... More... I handled it like shit. I don't think I've had one overdraft charge since I moved out in December. Woo hoo for me!
After getting home I cleaned the living room, washed one batch of dishes, took care of the trash and did a load and a half of laundry. I wouldn't have had to do the second load of laundry but the darn cat won't stop peeing on Thing 1's bed. Yuck, I know. But with Penny here, Miki has taken up refuge in Thing 1's room.
And Penny... Damn her sometimes... This morning I found her chewing Thing 1's NEW hearing aid, which he had left on the floor last night. Not the place to leave it by any means, but damn it, Penny! Thing 1 lost his hearing aid the day we moved out and DH just took him to get this new one three weeks ago. Hearing aids, for those of you who don't know, are NOT covered by health insurance, and cost over a thousand dollars each. So... I will have the pleasure of covering the cost of the new earmold. The earmold is the plastic piece that goes into the ear. Thank goodness the electronic part was spared from Penny's wrath.
The boys have realized that the weekends they are with me coincide with the Friday's I get paid. Thing 2 has been begging for a new baseball glove, however that's not in the budget right now. Neither is dinner at La Fiesta, which they have been asking for as well. The baseball glove isn't a necessity, however his glove from last year is currently missing, as is Thing 1's baseball bat. And Thing 1's baseball practice started this week, so... Yea...
Tomorrow is the last Saturday of sports for the boys at the YMCA until the fall, for which I am immensely grateful. While I enjoy watching the boys play, spending over three hours of my Saturdays off at the YMCA is not the highlight of my weekend. I'll be much happier this spring and summer watching them play baseball, especially since I am not coaching this season. I'll miss coaching, without a doubt, but with my job at CMG, I can't afford to take off all the time for practice and games. I don't think a parent realizes just how much time and energy coaching takes until they've done it themselves. Unfortunately for the coaches, they suffer sometimes from the wrath of parents who don't realize the sacrifices the coaching parents make.
This week I have learned the value of patience, from a variety of experiences. Work, customers, CL-WoW have each taught me a bit. And I appreciate the lessons each have provided. It's amazing, however, how much the customers taught me, and not necessarily in a positive way. With the computers down yesterday, it was amazing how nasty some customers got when they couldn't speed through the line as they normally do. But then there are the customers behind the nasty customers who try to make the cashier's (my) day better by joking about the previous customers. Two women especially, put a smile on my face yesterday when they commented on the customer in front of them. So thank you, ladies! Patience truly is a virtue!
So for the next few weeks and months, I will exercise patience. And it's going to be an interesting couple of weeks. I could be divorced this coming Tuesday if everything goes smoothly at our pre-trial. Or, it could be just shy of two weeks from now when I'm officially divorced, and if that's the case, I will patiently await the day. I thought about the day for years, and I can patiently wait a couple more weeks for it. And as for the other things/situations I am hoping for, I will patiently wait for them as well. No more trying to force them to happen sooner rather than later. If they happen, they will happen when they are supposed to. But in the meantime I need to remind myself to focus on what I need rather than what I want.
I covered a shift at work this morning for a girl who has now lost her job for not showing up and not calling up for a few shifts earlier this week. As much as I can't stand my job sometimes, I can't imagine just letting it go. And that's not to say there aren't times I just want to quit. Because there certainly are. But even if/when I find a better job, I still planning on keeping this one just as a back-up. Will I be exhausted from working so much? Hell, yea! But I never want to be in the situation where I don't have a job again. So if it takes two jobs to ensure this, then so-be-it.
While I hate to admit it, I was able to pay my rent today, by myself, for the first time since I moved in here in December. And writing that rent check was... Exhilirating. After that I came home and paid part of my electricity bill as well. Thank goodness for companies that allow partial payments! While I could have paid the full amount that my bill showed, that would have left only a little bit of money in my account until I get paid in two weeks. And I don't like having that little in my account. I think I've written it before, but it's amazing how I can manage my money when I don't have a lot, but when I did have... More... I handled it like shit. I don't think I've had one overdraft charge since I moved out in December. Woo hoo for me!
After getting home I cleaned the living room, washed one batch of dishes, took care of the trash and did a load and a half of laundry. I wouldn't have had to do the second load of laundry but the darn cat won't stop peeing on Thing 1's bed. Yuck, I know. But with Penny here, Miki has taken up refuge in Thing 1's room.
And Penny... Damn her sometimes... This morning I found her chewing Thing 1's NEW hearing aid, which he had left on the floor last night. Not the place to leave it by any means, but damn it, Penny! Thing 1 lost his hearing aid the day we moved out and DH just took him to get this new one three weeks ago. Hearing aids, for those of you who don't know, are NOT covered by health insurance, and cost over a thousand dollars each. So... I will have the pleasure of covering the cost of the new earmold. The earmold is the plastic piece that goes into the ear. Thank goodness the electronic part was spared from Penny's wrath.
The boys have realized that the weekends they are with me coincide with the Friday's I get paid. Thing 2 has been begging for a new baseball glove, however that's not in the budget right now. Neither is dinner at La Fiesta, which they have been asking for as well. The baseball glove isn't a necessity, however his glove from last year is currently missing, as is Thing 1's baseball bat. And Thing 1's baseball practice started this week, so... Yea...
Tomorrow is the last Saturday of sports for the boys at the YMCA until the fall, for which I am immensely grateful. While I enjoy watching the boys play, spending over three hours of my Saturdays off at the YMCA is not the highlight of my weekend. I'll be much happier this spring and summer watching them play baseball, especially since I am not coaching this season. I'll miss coaching, without a doubt, but with my job at CMG, I can't afford to take off all the time for practice and games. I don't think a parent realizes just how much time and energy coaching takes until they've done it themselves. Unfortunately for the coaches, they suffer sometimes from the wrath of parents who don't realize the sacrifices the coaching parents make.
This week I have learned the value of patience, from a variety of experiences. Work, customers, CL-WoW have each taught me a bit. And I appreciate the lessons each have provided. It's amazing, however, how much the customers taught me, and not necessarily in a positive way. With the computers down yesterday, it was amazing how nasty some customers got when they couldn't speed through the line as they normally do. But then there are the customers behind the nasty customers who try to make the cashier's (my) day better by joking about the previous customers. Two women especially, put a smile on my face yesterday when they commented on the customer in front of them. So thank you, ladies! Patience truly is a virtue!
So for the next few weeks and months, I will exercise patience. And it's going to be an interesting couple of weeks. I could be divorced this coming Tuesday if everything goes smoothly at our pre-trial. Or, it could be just shy of two weeks from now when I'm officially divorced, and if that's the case, I will patiently await the day. I thought about the day for years, and I can patiently wait a couple more weeks for it. And as for the other things/situations I am hoping for, I will patiently wait for them as well. No more trying to force them to happen sooner rather than later. If they happen, they will happen when they are supposed to. But in the meantime I need to remind myself to focus on what I need rather than what I want.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
DAY 58, Post 2
With friends and family who love me and have always wanted to see me reach my full potential, I've never had to worry about receiving an earful of encouragement, advice or criticism, even when I didn't want it. And although I haven't always listened, I'm extremely grateful that these wonderful people are in my life.
I sit here at work, on my break, thinking about people who don't have the support I do. They struggle through life, no one to guide them or hold their hand, or even to tell them when they've fucked up (pardon my language). They repeatedly make the wrong mistakes, and like an idiot expect a different result each time. And unfortunately for some of these people, when something good does come to them, they find a way to mess that up.
I think I've been an enabler of such people. I've tried to be a nice person, and as such have not given the (constructive) criticism that was due. And it's as detrimental to me as it is to them. I stand by, caring and worrying, offering my positive emotional support, yet nothing is gained. For me or them. They still haven't learned as I chose to be quiet with my opinions and thoughts. And that sucks for the both of us. Because while things could change, they don't.
So what do I do? Change myself for other people? Or can I look at it as changing myself for myself? Speak up when I have an opinion at the risk of hurting others? And I have to ask myself... What does God want me to do? Because my current ways don't seem to make a difference. And that makes me one of those idiots.
I sit here at work, on my break, thinking about people who don't have the support I do. They struggle through life, no one to guide them or hold their hand, or even to tell them when they've fucked up (pardon my language). They repeatedly make the wrong mistakes, and like an idiot expect a different result each time. And unfortunately for some of these people, when something good does come to them, they find a way to mess that up.
I think I've been an enabler of such people. I've tried to be a nice person, and as such have not given the (constructive) criticism that was due. And it's as detrimental to me as it is to them. I stand by, caring and worrying, offering my positive emotional support, yet nothing is gained. For me or them. They still haven't learned as I chose to be quiet with my opinions and thoughts. And that sucks for the both of us. Because while things could change, they don't.
So what do I do? Change myself for other people? Or can I look at it as changing myself for myself? Speak up when I have an opinion at the risk of hurting others? And I have to ask myself... What does God want me to do? Because my current ways don't seem to make a difference. And that makes me one of those idiots.
Monday, March 21, 2011
DAY 50, Post 4
WoW... I didn't want one, didn't expect one, but a simple thank you just made my day... So, thank YOU!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
DAY 38, Post 2
So, for the time being, my blog is private. A LOT has happened in the past week, and after a stint in the hospital yesterday I realized with no uncertainty that I have NOT been focused on what I needed to be focused on, especially my health.
I'm down to 148 pounds now, not a place I should have gotten to the way I did. Lack of eating and way too much worrying about things and people I couldn't help. After throwing up, starting to shake and nearly passing out at work, I went to the hospital where the doctor told me there is a bad virus going through town. But come on. I know more than she does. I NEED to be taking care of me. Now's the time (not that it wasn't three months or 32 years ago) to be honest with myself... And others...
Don't get me wrong. I'm not going to hurt people with my honesty. But I have to enter this next part of my life doing what I know to be the right thing to do. Right morally, right ethically, and right personally for me and my boys.
Tonight I am having dinner with JTS, my neighbor (will you give me permission to use your first name? Haha), and then I hope to go to Ash Wednesday service at Ginghamsburg. I've spent a lot of time in the last two days praying. Praying for God to give me strength and guide me into a better tomorrow. I know there's something better in store for me, but I wish I knew what it was and what all I'm doing now is preparing me for. Patience is a virtue though, and I suppose I need to hold my horses.
I need to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who helped me for the past two days, both emotionally and physically. YOU are my rock.
I'm down to 148 pounds now, not a place I should have gotten to the way I did. Lack of eating and way too much worrying about things and people I couldn't help. After throwing up, starting to shake and nearly passing out at work, I went to the hospital where the doctor told me there is a bad virus going through town. But come on. I know more than she does. I NEED to be taking care of me. Now's the time (not that it wasn't three months or 32 years ago) to be honest with myself... And others...
Don't get me wrong. I'm not going to hurt people with my honesty. But I have to enter this next part of my life doing what I know to be the right thing to do. Right morally, right ethically, and right personally for me and my boys.
Tonight I am having dinner with JTS, my neighbor (will you give me permission to use your first name? Haha), and then I hope to go to Ash Wednesday service at Ginghamsburg. I've spent a lot of time in the last two days praying. Praying for God to give me strength and guide me into a better tomorrow. I know there's something better in store for me, but I wish I knew what it was and what all I'm doing now is preparing me for. Patience is a virtue though, and I suppose I need to hold my horses.
I need to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who helped me for the past two days, both emotionally and physically. YOU are my rock.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
DAY 35, Post 1
The Song of the Day today is for my Dad and Ginny... I know this is one of Dad's favorites...Thank you for coming to visit. I can't tell you how much it means to me. I love you.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
DAY 31, Post 5
I'm pooped. And I'm thankful that although this day was somewhat draining, I feel like I'll be able to go to sleep peacefully tonight.
But I realized I couldn't go to sleep without thanking my mom for the haircut she paid for for my birthday. I must admit, the Before picture is better than the After. But I now have the nice crisp ends that always accompany a haircut. Considering how much I play with my hair when I'm thinking, I've already been enjoying feeling them, haha.
But I realized I couldn't go to sleep without thanking my mom for the haircut she paid for for my birthday. I must admit, the Before picture is better than the After. But I now have the nice crisp ends that always accompany a haircut. Considering how much I play with my hair when I'm thinking, I've already been enjoying feeling them, haha.
Before... Somehow it looks like I had on lipstick, even though I didn't...
After... Looking washed out for some reason. But my hair lost 1/2" - 1".
This is the longest my hair has been in years, and I was amazed that Karen said my hair was healthy, despite the fact that I haven't felt like eating much. It must be all the steak I eat at work!
DAY 31, Post 4
I won't deny that today started off really rough for me. REALLY rough...
I went to the doctor again today, and unlike last week, today saw the P.A. I saw in December. I was weighed again, and today was down to 151. Last week I was 154. December 1 I was 170 pounds. She asked me if I'm trying to lose weight and I said no, to which she asked what the heck is going on. I just broke down... again... I can't tell you how much I love crying at the doctor's office, haha. But now it's official! Down 60 pounds since January 2010!
After my doctor's appointment, I had a couple of interesting conversations, one with a VIP, and they put a LOT into perspective for me. I'm very fortunate to have all that I have right now. Although I would love for my family to be here in Ohio with me, I'm very lucky that they are alive and healthy and have always supported me. I'm also very lucky to have a nice apartment, my children in my custody, a job and a car. And health insurance. Yea, it sucks to live paycheck to paycheck, but I need to focus on what I have instead of what I don't. And even though I care very much for what I don't have, I need to maintain a positive attitude for me and my boys and focus on what I do have going for me. I hope my positive attitude can rub off on others, and I hope that if you know me and see me in real life, that remind me of the need to be positive if you see me slipping.
To CL-WoW... I doubt you're reading this but thank you... The hour today meant the world to me. Everything WILL work out for you and I'll be there for a hug whenever you need it.
I went to the doctor again today, and unlike last week, today saw the P.A. I saw in December. I was weighed again, and today was down to 151. Last week I was 154. December 1 I was 170 pounds. She asked me if I'm trying to lose weight and I said no, to which she asked what the heck is going on. I just broke down... again... I can't tell you how much I love crying at the doctor's office, haha. But now it's official! Down 60 pounds since January 2010!
After my doctor's appointment, I had a couple of interesting conversations, one with a VIP, and they put a LOT into perspective for me. I'm very fortunate to have all that I have right now. Although I would love for my family to be here in Ohio with me, I'm very lucky that they are alive and healthy and have always supported me. I'm also very lucky to have a nice apartment, my children in my custody, a job and a car. And health insurance. Yea, it sucks to live paycheck to paycheck, but I need to focus on what I have instead of what I don't. And even though I care very much for what I don't have, I need to maintain a positive attitude for me and my boys and focus on what I do have going for me. I hope my positive attitude can rub off on others, and I hope that if you know me and see me in real life, that remind me of the need to be positive if you see me slipping.
To CL-WoW... I doubt you're reading this but thank you... The hour today meant the world to me. Everything WILL work out for you and I'll be there for a hug whenever you need it.
DAY 31, Post 3
I'm doing pretty well tackling my to-do list, although right now I'm at the doctors office waiting to be seen. So far I've done all the dishes, cleaned out my car, cleaned and vacuumed my room, cleaned my bathroom (with the exception of the toilet), cleaned the half-bath (again, with the exception of the toilet), and done a ton of laundry. I've also hung most of the pictures, but I found a couple more I want to put up.
My to-do list doesn't seem to be distracting me very well though. I'm still thinking way too much. And although I appreciate all of the birthday wishes I've received, I'm sorry that I haven't responded to one of them personally yet. I'd rather just think of today as any other day where I don't have to work. I don't feel like thinking about it being by birthday. It's just not a happy day for me...
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
DAY 30, Post 5
So here it is... My last photo of myself as a 31 year old. And I'm wearing the coat my mom gave me for my birthday. Thanks, Mom!
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