I want to put a HUGE thank you out there to my sweetie-pie Thing 2. He totally made my night by having a dance party in the living room with me. We danced to "Try a Little Tenderness", and let me tell you... I could feel it in my belly when we were through! Now I know how I'm going to get rid of the belly fat that doesn't want to go away, despite the weight loss.
The boys have finally migrated their way upstairs to bed, however I know they will be up for a while as Penny has found something to bark her head off at. And while I know they should go to sleep, I am somewhat comforted by the sounds of their voices. I supposed I should go confiscate their DS's for the night though.
Now that the details of the divorce have been figured out, I sit here thinking... Now what? What do I put my efforts in to now? I was worried I hadn't put enough time into my divorce documents, however after looking at DH's documents, I was FAR more detailed than he was. I must admit, his lack of detail put a slight smile on my face. Considering how I would get criticized for my laziness, his work seemed a bit half-ass to me. And while yes, my work schedule is a bit unconventional, up to now I HAVE had the boys more of the time than he has. So... HA!
But really... What now? Where do I concentrate my efforts? I am thinking job searching would be a good route. And reading a book I picked up at church that Pastor Mike wrote, Money Matters. The topic of bankruptcy came up at both the therapist's office and at court today, and I am mixed on the subject. While yes, it would be nice to have my creditors off my back, I have guilty feelings about writing off my debt. I got myself into this mess. To me, I really should try to get myself out of it. Unfortunately I know the debt will take longer to pay off then the seven years a bankruptcy will stay on my record, especially in my current employment situation. I guess this is something I will REALLY need to think through.
Despite the fact that I myself went to a therapist today, I have been giving a lot of thought to what I would like to do with my life. And I've realized that I love helping, or rather attempting to help people. An ad keeps coming up on Facebook for a degree to become a Christian therapists, and I clicked on it today just to see what it's about. I'm not going to deny that the thought of going back to school and accruing even more debt scares the shit out of me, but I really don't think that design is my calling. I REALLY want to help people. But perhaps I should sit/sleep on this thought for a while... At least a few months if not a year. Thing 2 will be in Kindergarten in the fall, and life may or may not become simpler then.
Showing posts with label Reading. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Reading. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
DAY 61, Post 4
I've spent a good bit of time job searching tonight, only to reach the conclusion that job searching SUCKS. Monster.com and Careerbuilder produced few results that I even looked at, and even those require more experience (in whatever field the job is in) than I have. And although I applied for quite a few jobs on Craigslist, I'm dismayed that I received quite a few canned responses asking me to visit such-and-such a website to fill out a credit report or some other bogus offer. Sigh.
So... I've decided to look at the progress I've made on my Mini-Goals instead...
So... I've decided to look at the progress I've made on my Mini-Goals instead...
- Keep on job searching. Doing it!
- Scrapbook! I've got most of my inventory back, and it's about time I use some of this stuff for my personal use! Doing it!
- Keep my apartment clean and start throwing out clutter. Trying to do it, but I could be better...
- Turn off the lights and TV every night. Trying to do it, but I could be better...
- Cook a real meal every night that I have the boys. Getting better at this!
- Read every night, both to the boys and to myself. Thing 2 enjoys reading the Childrens Bible I bought him and Thing 1 with me before bed. While we don't do it every night, we do it a few nights a week.
- Knit 3 more blocks for my blanket.... Let's be realistic this month! I finished the front and kangaroo pocket for CL-WoW's sweater. Does that count?
- Buy a new board or card game for my boys once a month and make a point of playing a game every night with them. Not in the past two weeks due to money constraints. Perhaps by the 14th though!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
DAY 51, Post 3
An inspiring morning, to say the least...
I realized that over the last four months I have let my personal dreams slip. While I've spent lots of time worrying about people and things that couldn't be changed, I've forgotten about what I want to do. And it's time I refocus, or at least spend a good portion of that time on my dreams.
I've had the dream of starting my own scrapbooking supply business. I've always wanted to have my own brick-and-mortar store selling all the supplies I have (which, thanks to "friends" are less than they should have been), but I want to design and manufacture my own out-of-the-box supplies. And to do that, I need to design them.
Martha Stewart didn't start her first catering business until she was 39. I'm just barely 32. So, with 7 years left, I should be able to make some headway. But this time I'll do it right. Martha wrote in her book, The Martha Rules (see below) that she recommends only investing in your business with cash. That's how I messed up the last time. Credit, credit and more credit. I'll be paying off that debt until the end of time. But now's the time to make a change. Do something that I want to do and do it the right way.
And that day starts today.
I realized that over the last four months I have let my personal dreams slip. While I've spent lots of time worrying about people and things that couldn't be changed, I've forgotten about what I want to do. And it's time I refocus, or at least spend a good portion of that time on my dreams.
I've had the dream of starting my own scrapbooking supply business. I've always wanted to have my own brick-and-mortar store selling all the supplies I have (which, thanks to "friends" are less than they should have been), but I want to design and manufacture my own out-of-the-box supplies. And to do that, I need to design them.
Martha Stewart didn't start her first catering business until she was 39. I'm just barely 32. So, with 7 years left, I should be able to make some headway. But this time I'll do it right. Martha wrote in her book, The Martha Rules (see below) that she recommends only investing in your business with cash. That's how I messed up the last time. Credit, credit and more credit. I'll be paying off that debt until the end of time. But now's the time to make a change. Do something that I want to do and do it the right way.
And that day starts today.
Friday, March 18, 2011
DAY 47, Post 2
It's been quite a day, and emotionally draining just about the whole way.
I had forgotten that I had requested today off months ago for CL-WoW's birthday which is tomorrow, and it was hard to sit here thinking about that. Even though I closed last night and got out really late, I almost wished I would get called in today just so I would have something to keep my mind off of him.
But... I went to the mall. With having lost so much weight, my clothes are a constant battle for me. I managed to find some REALLY nice sales at Old Navy and got a pair of pants, two shirts and a dress (appropriate for interviews, work or going out) for a total of $40. I felt really good about that, although it does hurt to spend any money on myself.
After shopping I was tired (a combination of working late, going to bed at 2am and getting up at 7:30am) and laid down for a little bit. I finished reading Genesis, the first book of the Bible, and am looking forward to starting Exodus tomorrow. I tried to take a nap after, however Penny found the opportunity to bark at every single noise outside. And considering what a BEAUTIFUL day it was, there was a lot of noise between kids, people, etc.
Tonight Things 1 and 2 had their worst meltdown since we moved into this apartment. They were fighting over my computer, and it turned into a shoving/biting/hitting match. I told them it was time for bed (it was 8:30) and they had MAJOR fits. To the point that Thing 1 told me he was going to jump out his bedroom window and he wanted to live with his dad. That was sooo hard for me to hear. He also told me that he is a "bad boy" and none of the kids at school like him. It took about 20 minutes for me to correct this right frame of mind, and I had to tickle him until he would say "I'm not a bad boy." I do not want my boys to believe they are bad boys. Do they make bad decisions sometimes? Yes! But don't we all?
DH and I texted just a few minutes ago about the rough night, and it turns out the boys are telling both of us that the other parent gives them three chances. And we both tell them that they know the rules and one chance to correct their behavior is enough. It's nice that although we really can't talk, we can at least agree on one thing.
I had forgotten that I had requested today off months ago for CL-WoW's birthday which is tomorrow, and it was hard to sit here thinking about that. Even though I closed last night and got out really late, I almost wished I would get called in today just so I would have something to keep my mind off of him.
But... I went to the mall. With having lost so much weight, my clothes are a constant battle for me. I managed to find some REALLY nice sales at Old Navy and got a pair of pants, two shirts and a dress (appropriate for interviews, work or going out) for a total of $40. I felt really good about that, although it does hurt to spend any money on myself.
After shopping I was tired (a combination of working late, going to bed at 2am and getting up at 7:30am) and laid down for a little bit. I finished reading Genesis, the first book of the Bible, and am looking forward to starting Exodus tomorrow. I tried to take a nap after, however Penny found the opportunity to bark at every single noise outside. And considering what a BEAUTIFUL day it was, there was a lot of noise between kids, people, etc.
Tonight Things 1 and 2 had their worst meltdown since we moved into this apartment. They were fighting over my computer, and it turned into a shoving/biting/hitting match. I told them it was time for bed (it was 8:30) and they had MAJOR fits. To the point that Thing 1 told me he was going to jump out his bedroom window and he wanted to live with his dad. That was sooo hard for me to hear. He also told me that he is a "bad boy" and none of the kids at school like him. It took about 20 minutes for me to correct this right frame of mind, and I had to tickle him until he would say "I'm not a bad boy." I do not want my boys to believe they are bad boys. Do they make bad decisions sometimes? Yes! But don't we all?
DH and I texted just a few minutes ago about the rough night, and it turns out the boys are telling both of us that the other parent gives them three chances. And we both tell them that they know the rules and one chance to correct their behavior is enough. It's nice that although we really can't talk, we can at least agree on one thing.
Monday, March 14, 2011
DAY 43, Post 4
Almost a month ago I posted a bunch of Mini-Goals for the month. I decided it's time to evaluate my progress and set new goals for next month...
- Get an oil change for my car. It's overdue and I've been neglecting it due to money. DID IT!
- Inquire about design jobs. I may not like working at a desk all day, but I'd rather do that than give up my nights and weekends being bossed around by kids 10 years younger than me. I've been looking for jobs, but haven't been focusing on only interior design. So far, I haven't found anything, but I'm not giving up.
- Buy some paint and start the S.O.S. collection. Due to money I wasn't able to do this... This month...
- Keep my apartment clean and start throwing out clutter. Eh... I tried...
- Turn off the lights and TV every night. Yea, I must admit my electricity bill is inflated because turning off the lights and TV makes me lonely. The lights have definitely been turned off more than they were last month, but I need to get better at this still...
- Make a wreath for my front door with my boys. Due to money we didn't do this either...
- Start cooking actual meals. Eating CMG and only CMG is not good for me. Eh... I cooked more this month, but I didn't make as much progress as I had hoped.
- Read every night, both to the boys and to myself. I've read the Bible quite a bit, but I need to be better about reading to the boys.
- Following up on #8, work on paying of the library tab, haha. Yea... Didn't happen...
- Knit 10 more blocks for my blanket. Didn't even finish one more... But I started!
- Buy a new board or card game for my boys once a month and make a point of playing a game every night with them. We bought UNO this month but only played a couple of times.
- Positive visualization I've decided to eliminate drama-filled people from my life, and stay positive. The visualization isn't necessarily up to me.
- Keep on job searching.
- Scrapbook! I've got most of my inventory back, and it's about time I use some of this stuff for my personal use!
- Keep my apartment clean and start throwing out clutter.
- Turn off the lights and TV every night. Yea, I must admit my electricity bill is inflated because turning off the lights and TV makes me lonely.
- Cook a real meal every night that I have the boys.
- Read every night, both to the boys and to myself.
- Knit 3 more blocks for my blanket.... Let's be realistic this month!
- Buy a new board or card game for my boys once a month and make a point of playing a game every night with them.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
DAY 35, Post 3
When we lived in Mt. Vernon, NY in the early 2000's, I read a TON of books. The library was my source of exercise and solace, and I would push Thing 1 in his stroller two miles each way to get to the beautiful Bronxville library. We would make thre trip at least once a week.
One of the books I read was by Patricia Heaton (I think... I'm on my Blackberry and don't feel like looking it up), the female star of... The book was called Motherhood and Hollywood: How to Get a Job Like Mine and chronicled her career as an actress and mother.
She brought up, and I have to ask you moms out there, have you noticed that you give the perfect toast to your kids and keep the burnt toast to yourself? That's what I do!
Anyway, I find myself eating burnt toast tonight but in another sense... Last night there seemed to be urinary problems in my house. Thing 2 wet his bed, and Miki, the fat cat, decided to pee on Thing 1's bed. Laundry has taken farrrr too long today, and now I find myself in Thing 2's bed with an extra blanket while the boys enjoy my bed with all clean sheets and lots of pillows. Mmm, how I would love to be snuggled up with my body pillow right around now...
One of the books I read was by Patricia Heaton (I think... I'm on my Blackberry and don't feel like looking it up), the female star of... The book was called Motherhood and Hollywood: How to Get a Job Like Mine and chronicled her career as an actress and mother.
She brought up, and I have to ask you moms out there, have you noticed that you give the perfect toast to your kids and keep the burnt toast to yourself? That's what I do!
Anyway, I find myself eating burnt toast tonight but in another sense... Last night there seemed to be urinary problems in my house. Thing 2 wet his bed, and Miki, the fat cat, decided to pee on Thing 1's bed. Laundry has taken farrrr too long today, and now I find myself in Thing 2's bed with an extra blanket while the boys enjoy my bed with all clean sheets and lots of pillows. Mmm, how I would love to be snuggled up with my body pillow right around now...
Friday, March 4, 2011
DAY 33, Post 3
Last night was rough. This morning has been rough. But through all this roughness I'm learning who and what I truly need to have in my life.
I called off work today. I've literally been sick all night thinking about all that's going on. I've made some phone calls this morning already and will hopefully be able to get some help and direction today.
I've been reading more of the Bible this morning, and carry a highlighter to mark the passages that touch me. I hope this isn't sac-religious. (Spelling?)
Proverbs 4:23-27
"Above all else, guard your heart,
For everything you do flows from it.
Keep your mouth free of perversity;
Keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
Let your eyes look straight ahead;
Fix your gaze directly before you.
Give careful thought to the paths for your feet
And be steadfast in all your ways.
Do not turn to the right or the left;
Keep your foot from evil."
I called off work today. I've literally been sick all night thinking about all that's going on. I've made some phone calls this morning already and will hopefully be able to get some help and direction today.
I've been reading more of the Bible this morning, and carry a highlighter to mark the passages that touch me. I hope this isn't sac-religious. (Spelling?)
Proverbs 4:23-27
"Above all else, guard your heart,
For everything you do flows from it.
Keep your mouth free of perversity;
Keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
Let your eyes look straight ahead;
Fix your gaze directly before you.
Give careful thought to the paths for your feet
And be steadfast in all your ways.
Do not turn to the right or the left;
Keep your foot from evil."
DAY 33, Post 2
I've been having trouble sleeping. Even at 230 am, however, it's amazing that I can still find comforting ears to talk to.
But now, over an hour later, I'm in bed and I decided to read the Bible...
Proverbs 3:21-24
"My son, do not let wisdom and understanding out of your sight,
preserve sound judgment and discretion;
they will be life for you,
an ornament to grace your neck.
Then you will go on your way in safety,
and your foot will not stumble.
When you lie down, you will not be afraid;
when you lie down your sleep will be sweet."
Hmmmm...
But now, over an hour later, I'm in bed and I decided to read the Bible...
Proverbs 3:21-24
"My son, do not let wisdom and understanding out of your sight,
preserve sound judgment and discretion;
they will be life for you,
an ornament to grace your neck.
Then you will go on your way in safety,
and your foot will not stumble.
When you lie down, you will not be afraid;
when you lie down your sleep will be sweet."
Hmmmm...
Thursday, February 24, 2011
DAY 25, Post 4
Soooo... My "Soul Mate Spec Sheet" in its revised form... (*are new)
1. Calls or texts within a day of first date
2. Doesn't mind and actually likes PDA
3. Sleeps on left side of bed
4. Knows how to and enjoys cooking
5. Sends texts/pictures during the day if/when thinking about me
6. At least 3 inches taller than me
7. At least 20 pounds heavier than me
8. In good shape
9. Smells good (Axe is a plus)
10. Likes kids
11. Likes video games*
12. Likes hockey
13. Likes to camp
14. Does not hunt
15. Great sense of humor
16. Reads books and/or magazines
17. Dark hair
18. Likes board games
19. Plays WoW*
20. Likes animals
21. Likes to stare at the stars
22. Likes to build things/work with hands
23. Looks at the glass as at least 1/2 full
24. Will eat cereal for dinner
25. Will take chances
26. Is spontaneous
27. Is NOT a couch potato
28. Loves to travel
29. Opens doors for me
30. Mixes CDs for me (or makes playlists on my iPOD for me)
31. Interested in architecture
32. Interested in restoring/renovating houses/buildings
33. Within 5 years of my age
34. Has a library card
35. Knows how to do laundry
36. Would dress up for Halloween
37. Has 3-5 (minimum) good local friends
38. Will paint my toenails
39. Voted for Obama
40. Hums or whistles
41. Will buy tampons/feminine products at the store
42. Has never been in jail
43. Is close to his family*
44. Likes ethnic food (Indian/Thai/Greek)
45. Doesn't mind if food touches*
46. Likes garbage plates*
47. Likes Sushi
48. Owns a swimsuit and likes to swim
49. Buys me tulips, even if they are out of season
50. Makes an effort to meet/know my friends
51. Likes my family and they like him*
52. Initiates activities with my boys
53. Stops by my office/work to say hi if in the area
54. Pays attention to positive details
55. Rubs my head/strokes my hair
56. Gives awesome massages
57. Awesome in bed* (hey, this is my list)
58. Loves to cuddle*
59. Takes out the garbage*
60. Hugging him is like dancing, even if we're standing still*
61. Says hello and goodbye with a kiss, hug and a smile*
62. Introduces me to local friends/family voluntarily within first two months*
63. Understands that money doesn't mean crap to me and isn't embarrassed by his place/status in life*
64. Is willing/able to communicate openly with me about past, present and future*
65. Doesn't mind and enjoys if I surprise him at work with a coffee or for break/lunch*
66. Gives as much as he receives*
67. Must have a verbal filter* (Added 03-03-2011)
1. Calls or texts within a day of first date
2. Doesn't mind and actually likes PDA
3. Sleeps on left side of bed
4. Knows how to and enjoys cooking
5. Sends texts/pictures during the day if/when thinking about me
6. At least 3 inches taller than me
7. At least 20 pounds heavier than me
8. In good shape
9. Smells good (Axe is a plus)
10. Likes kids
11. Likes video games*
12. Likes hockey
13. Likes to camp
14. Does not hunt
15. Great sense of humor
16. Reads books and/or magazines
17. Dark hair
18. Likes board games
19. Plays WoW*
20. Likes animals
21. Likes to stare at the stars
22. Likes to build things/work with hands
23. Looks at the glass as at least 1/2 full
24. Will eat cereal for dinner
25. Will take chances
26. Is spontaneous
27. Is NOT a couch potato
28. Loves to travel
29. Opens doors for me
30. Mixes CDs for me (or makes playlists on my iPOD for me)
31. Interested in architecture
32. Interested in restoring/renovating houses/buildings
33. Within 5 years of my age
34. Has a library card
35. Knows how to do laundry
36. Would dress up for Halloween
37. Has 3-5 (minimum) good local friends
38. Will paint my toenails
39. Voted for Obama
40. Hums or whistles
41. Will buy tampons/feminine products at the store
42. Has never been in jail
43. Is close to his family*
44. Likes ethnic food (Indian/Thai/Greek)
45. Doesn't mind if food touches*
46. Likes garbage plates*
47. Likes Sushi
48. Owns a swimsuit and likes to swim
49. Buys me tulips, even if they are out of season
50. Makes an effort to meet/know my friends
51. Likes my family and they like him*
52. Initiates activities with my boys
53. Stops by my office/work to say hi if in the area
54. Pays attention to positive details
55. Rubs my head/strokes my hair
56. Gives awesome massages
57. Awesome in bed* (hey, this is my list)
58. Loves to cuddle*
59. Takes out the garbage*
60. Hugging him is like dancing, even if we're standing still*
61. Says hello and goodbye with a kiss, hug and a smile*
62. Introduces me to local friends/family voluntarily within first two months*
63. Understands that money doesn't mean crap to me and isn't embarrassed by his place/status in life*
64. Is willing/able to communicate openly with me about past, present and future*
65. Doesn't mind and enjoys if I surprise him at work with a coffee or for break/lunch*
66. Gives as much as he receives*
67. Must have a verbal filter* (Added 03-03-2011)
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
DAY 23, Post 5
Moving on...
I decided to make a list of things I'm looking forward to, even if they aren't in the cards for the near future...
I decided to make a list of things I'm looking forward to, even if they aren't in the cards for the near future...
- April 14, 2011 and D-Day
- Painting my apartment
- Building my dream house... someday
- Finding true love
- Hearing "I Love You" from someone besides my family or my boys
- Getting a job I LOVE
- Paying off my bills and not having to worry about money
- Traveling
- Visiting my family in New York
- Driving cross country
- Going to Europe
- Being totally happy
- Never having to let go
- Summer
- Having an organized, furnished apartment
- Painting
- Passionate, deep kisses
- Hugs that don't end and feel like dancing
- Eternal smiles
- Public Displays of Affection
- Finishing my blanket
- Forgiving the past
- Reading the entire Bible
- Cleaning out my DVR
Saturday, February 19, 2011
DAY 20, Post 4
Here's an update to Operation Mini-Goals...
- Get an oil change for my car. It's overdue and I've been neglecting it due to money. - My neighbor, JTS, gave me a coupon for a half-price oil change! Yay me! Thanks for reading my blog!
- Inquire about design jobs. I may not like working at a desk all day, but I'd rather do that than give up my nights and weekends being bossed around by kids 10 years younger than me. - Haven't started yet.
- Buy some paint and start the S.O.S. collection. - Haven't started yet.
- Keep my apartment clean and start throwing out clutter. - I've been trying to start throwing out crap and keep this place cleaned up!
- Turn off the lights and TV every night. Yea, I must admit my electricity bill is inflated because turning off the lights and TV makes me lonely. - The living room and (my) bedroom lights have been turned off for the past 2-3 nights!
- Make a wreath for my front door with my boys. - Haven't started yet.
- Start cooking actual meals. Eating CMG and only CMG is not good for me. - Started last night!
- Read every night, both to the boys and to myself. - Haven't started yet.
- Following up on #8, work on paying of the library tab, haha. - Haven't started yet.
- Knit 10 more blocks for my blanket. - Haven't started yet.
- Buy a new board or card game for my boys once a month and make a point of playing a game every night with them. - I bought a deck of cards at Kroger last night and will play War with them tonight.
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