DAY 61, Post 2

I can't really express how I've felt today.  My emotions, feelings, etc. run all over the gamut.  Tired, motivated, proud, spiritual...  Those are just a few...

I covered a shift at work this morning for a girl who has now lost her job for not showing up and not calling up for a few shifts earlier this week.  As much as I can't stand my job sometimes, I can't imagine just letting it go.  And that's not to say there aren't times I just want to quit.  Because there certainly are.  But even if/when I find a better job, I still planning on keeping this one just as a back-up.  Will I be exhausted from working so much?  Hell, yea!  But I never want to be in the situation where I don't have a job again.  So if it takes two jobs to ensure this, then so-be-it.

While I hate to admit it, I was able to pay my rent today, by myself, for the first time since I moved in here in December.  And writing that rent check was...  Exhilirating.  After that I came home and paid part of my electricity bill as well.  Thank goodness for companies that allow partial payments!  While I could have paid the full amount that my bill showed, that would have left only a little bit of money in my account until I get paid in two weeks.  And I don't like having that little in my account.  I think I've written it before, but it's amazing how I can manage my money when I don't have a lot, but when I did have...  More...  I handled it like shit.  I don't think I've had one overdraft charge since I moved out in December.  Woo hoo for me! 

After getting home I cleaned the living room, washed one batch of dishes, took care of the trash and did a load and a half of laundry.  I wouldn't have had to do the second load of laundry but the darn cat won't stop peeing on Thing 1's bed.  Yuck, I know.  But with Penny here, Miki has taken up refuge in Thing 1's room. 

And Penny...  Damn her sometimes...  This morning I found her chewing Thing 1's NEW hearing aid, which he had left on the floor last night.  Not the place to leave it by any means, but damn it, Penny!  Thing 1 lost his hearing aid the day we moved out and DH just took him to get this new one three weeks ago.  Hearing aids, for those of you who don't know, are NOT covered by health insurance, and cost over a thousand dollars each.  So...  I will have the pleasure of covering the cost of the new earmold.  The earmold is the plastic piece that goes into the ear.  Thank goodness the electronic part was spared from Penny's wrath.

The boys have realized that the weekends they are with me coincide with the Friday's I get paid.  Thing 2 has been begging for a new baseball glove, however that's not in the budget right now.  Neither is dinner at La Fiesta, which they have been asking for as well.  The baseball glove isn't a necessity, however his glove from last year is currently missing, as is Thing 1's baseball bat.  And Thing 1's baseball practice started this week, so...  Yea...

Tomorrow is the last Saturday of sports for the boys at the YMCA until the fall, for which I am immensely grateful.  While I enjoy watching the boys play, spending over three hours of my Saturdays off at the YMCA is not the highlight of my weekend.  I'll be much happier this spring and summer watching them play baseball, especially since I am not coaching this season.  I'll miss coaching, without a doubt, but with my job at CMG, I can't afford to take off all the time for practice and games.  I don't think a parent realizes just how much time and energy coaching takes until they've done it themselves.  Unfortunately for the coaches, they suffer sometimes from the wrath of parents who don't realize the sacrifices the coaching parents make.

This week I have learned the value of patience, from a variety of experiences.  Work, customers, CL-WoW have each taught me a bit.  And I appreciate the lessons each have provided.  It's amazing, however, how much the customers taught me, and not necessarily in a positive way.  With the computers down yesterday, it was amazing how nasty some customers got when they couldn't speed through the line as they normally do.  But then there are the customers behind the nasty customers who try to make the cashier's (my) day better by joking about the previous customers.  Two women especially, put a smile on my face yesterday when they commented on the customer in front of them.  So thank you, ladies!  Patience truly is a virtue!

So for the next few weeks and months, I will exercise patience.  And it's going to be an interesting couple of weeks.  I could be divorced this coming Tuesday if everything goes smoothly at our pre-trial.  Or, it could be just shy of two weeks from now when I'm officially divorced, and if that's the case, I will patiently await the day.  I thought about the day for years, and I can patiently wait a couple more weeks for it.  And as for the other things/situations I am hoping for, I will patiently wait for them as well.  No more trying to force them to happen sooner rather than later.  If they happen, they will happen when they are supposed to.  But in the meantime I need to remind myself to focus on what I need rather than what I want.

DAY 43, Post 2

It was an emotional day at work, and for once the emotions weren't from me. I must say, as bad as I felt for the two emotional ones, I found comfort in knowing I'm not the only one who gets emotional there to the point of tears. I think one of my co-workers is having a hard time with the requirements of the job, and the lack of a break that is sometimes received (especially by the opening shift), and I found myself reminding myself how thankful I am just to have a job.

Today marks T minus one-month to D-Day. Nine years ago I was counting down the days to the wedding, and now I'm looking forward to having my single life back to myself, officially. Can I even call it a single life though, considering now I have two boys, a dog and a very fat cat to support?

I got home today to find a notice in the mail that my Food Stamps have been terminated as of the end of this month due to child support. As scary as this could be for me, I'm not scared. Somehow I know everything will work out. I don't know how yet, but I know it will.

DAY 35, Post 3

When we lived in Mt. Vernon, NY in the early 2000's, I read a TON of books. The library was my source of exercise and solace, and I would push Thing 1 in his stroller two miles each way to get to the beautiful Bronxville library. We would make thre trip at least once a week.

One of the books I read was by Patricia Heaton (I think... I'm on my Blackberry and don't feel like looking it up), the female star of... The book was called Motherhood and Hollywood: How to Get a Job Like Mine and chronicled her career as an actress and mother.

She brought up, and I have to ask you moms out there, have you noticed that you give the perfect toast to your kids and keep the burnt toast to yourself? That's what I do!

Anyway, I find myself eating burnt toast tonight but in another sense... Last night there seemed to be urinary problems in my house. Thing 2 wet his bed, and Miki, the fat cat, decided to pee on Thing 1's bed. Laundry has taken farrrr too long today, and now I find myself in Thing 2's bed with an extra blanket while the boys enjoy my bed with all clean sheets and lots of pillows. Mmm, how I would love to be snuggled up with my body pillow right around now...