I've decided that the cereal "Life" is very much like life itself. If you let it sit there too long without tasting it, it will get soggy and stale. So what are you waiting for? Take a bite!
Last night I decided it was time to get back to knitting my dress. I think I may have completed four rows (each row takes about 20 minutes to knit, uninterupted), which I feel good about. I have no doubt that I'll have the dress finished in time, however I am concerned that it won't fit. Is it a concern with cause? No. I have absolutely no reason to think it won't fit. But if it doesn't, I would, crazily enough, like to knit it again so it does. And in case you're wondering, either way I'll be selling the dress (custom-made for other people, not MY dress) on Etsy.
Tonight I would like to work on our invites for the small wedding. We found a style we like on the internet, however the company wants $4+/card for what is essentially a 4x6 picture and envelope. Using Photoshop I am planning on tweaking the design, making it our own and getting them printed at Walmart or Meijer. Then we'll mount the pictures on good, Bazzill cardstock and send them out! What this other company wanted $4.39/each for, we'll be able to make for under $1! I'll post pictures of it when I'm finished.
I hate to close up a post this way, but I am going to ask for your prayers. I had a follow-up doctor's appointment yesterday afternoon, and have to wait up to two weeks for biopsy results to know what is going on. The hardest part(s) for me are 1) I feel fine. A routine yearly test came back with abnormal results and they send me into a frenzy. 2) While I try to be an optimist, the worst case scenario scares the shit out of me... And pisses me off. I know I have to keep my Faith, and keep a positive mind, however I'm not ready to give up what I have. And I'm not ready to give up on what I want in the future.
I'm not going to give up!
Showing posts with label Sickness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sickness. Show all posts
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
DAY 51, Post 4
Yes, I am getting other stuff done this morning... But while I am job searching, I am also cleaning out the DVR, watching old episodes of The Talk. And once again the ladies are touching on topics that get to me.
Julie started the episode by talking about an article in the Huffington Post that discussed worrying. Apparently 40% of people worry every day. "Really?!?!" I thought. Only 40%? I tried to find the article that they were talking about (not very hard though, I must admit) but I found this one instead.
Thing 2 asked me last night what grown-ups worry about, and I had to stop and think for a minute before I answered him. I told him I worry that my boys are going to get sick (because Thing 1 was sick), and sometimes about money. The boys don't really understand the money worry. Thing 1 was excited when my checks came in the mail, because he thought I could just start writing checks to people. I had to explain that there needs to be money in my account to cover the checks. They also seem to think that when I need money I can just go to the ATM and use my debit card to get money out. Oh, I wish it were that easy!
Then the ladies switched topics and started discussing love. And Julie said something I had said to myself just months ago. Actually, I had said it to myself the night I met CL-WoW...
"I'd rather be alone than be with someone who doesn't make me happy."
Hmmm...
Julie started the episode by talking about an article in the Huffington Post that discussed worrying. Apparently 40% of people worry every day. "Really?!?!" I thought. Only 40%? I tried to find the article that they were talking about (not very hard though, I must admit) but I found this one instead.
Thing 2 asked me last night what grown-ups worry about, and I had to stop and think for a minute before I answered him. I told him I worry that my boys are going to get sick (because Thing 1 was sick), and sometimes about money. The boys don't really understand the money worry. Thing 1 was excited when my checks came in the mail, because he thought I could just start writing checks to people. I had to explain that there needs to be money in my account to cover the checks. They also seem to think that when I need money I can just go to the ATM and use my debit card to get money out. Oh, I wish it were that easy!
Then the ladies switched topics and started discussing love. And Julie said something I had said to myself just months ago. Actually, I had said it to myself the night I met CL-WoW...
"I'd rather be alone than be with someone who doesn't make me happy."
Hmmm...
DAY 51, Post 2
One of the toughest parts of being a mom is being a nice, caring, giving mom. And I don't mean the type of nice, caring, giving mom who buys special treats at the grocery store. No. I'm talking about the nice, caring giving mom who shares her bed with her sick child after he gets sick in his own bed.
And then he throws up in her bed.
And she sleeps on the living room floor... again...
And then he throws up in her bed.
And she sleeps on the living room floor... again...
Monday, March 21, 2011
DAY 50, Post 2
Today I receive my first glimpse of what being a single mom with a sick child is like. DH wouldn't help me, and replied to the last of my texts with a snippy response. I didn't appreciate it. So, I had to call off work. Gulp. I hate calling off work. I've called off work enough already, and with April rent looming right around the corner, any missed day hurts.
Last night was a rough night of sleep. I slept on the floor in the living room for a good bit so that I wouldn't disturb Thing 1 who was sleeping in my bed. When I did go to my bed, I dreamt. And once again he was in my dreams. It's agonizing seeing him in my dreams. And for some reason in my dream last night he brought 30 people with him and they wanted to play some game where we all crammed into a car. Did you know you can get claustrophobic in a dream? Well, you can!
The dream took place at a hotel where the elevators when up, down, forward, back, left and right. And I was lost. I feel lost anyways, and I guess it was reflected in my dream. I couldn't find the path to where I wanted to go, and that's how I feel in my everyday life. And it sucks. I don't want to move on, per say, but I know that where I am right now is not working.
Last night was a rough night of sleep. I slept on the floor in the living room for a good bit so that I wouldn't disturb Thing 1 who was sleeping in my bed. When I did go to my bed, I dreamt. And once again he was in my dreams. It's agonizing seeing him in my dreams. And for some reason in my dream last night he brought 30 people with him and they wanted to play some game where we all crammed into a car. Did you know you can get claustrophobic in a dream? Well, you can!
The dream took place at a hotel where the elevators when up, down, forward, back, left and right. And I was lost. I feel lost anyways, and I guess it was reflected in my dream. I couldn't find the path to where I wanted to go, and that's how I feel in my everyday life. And it sucks. I don't want to move on, per say, but I know that where I am right now is not working.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
DAY 49, Post 2
What a beautiful first day of spring. Unfortunately Thing 1 is sick and is in my bed sleeping the afternoon away. Thing 2 and I, however, are outside, enjoying the fresh air with Julie's son (also 5 years old), Penny, and Penny's brother (who Julie adopted), Finn.
Despite Thing 1 being ill, we went to church this morning. Again, I left feeling like the sermon was directed at me. Today the preacher (don't know who he was today) was speaking about the company Jesus tended to keep. While he could have invited or been invited by any number of God following members of his society, he socialized a lot with people who needed God in their lives and were lacking his presence. He directed us not to cast such people out of our lives, but to help them find the way of God. Wow.
While there are people who have been in my life who need God, and there are still, I will admit that there a few in particular that I choose to never to have any type of social relationship with ever again. But for the rest, I will be more mindful not to cast them aside immediately, despite the path I am trying to follow for myself.
And for the one who has expressed how much Jesus is needed in their life, I hope you find him. I will help you in any way I can.
This is what elastic waisted pants were invented for...
Despite Thing 1 being ill, we went to church this morning. Again, I left feeling like the sermon was directed at me. Today the preacher (don't know who he was today) was speaking about the company Jesus tended to keep. While he could have invited or been invited by any number of God following members of his society, he socialized a lot with people who needed God in their lives and were lacking his presence. He directed us not to cast such people out of our lives, but to help them find the way of God. Wow.
While there are people who have been in my life who need God, and there are still, I will admit that there a few in particular that I choose to never to have any type of social relationship with ever again. But for the rest, I will be more mindful not to cast them aside immediately, despite the path I am trying to follow for myself.
And for the one who has expressed how much Jesus is needed in their life, I hope you find him. I will help you in any way I can.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
DAY 39, Post 2
I had a dream about fleas last night. They were on Penny, but still... It got me thinking this morning.
I need to find a way to get rid of the fleas in my life for good. Because they're getting under my skin, and today I'm just angry at them.
I find it AMAZING, and not in a good way, how people in my life could or do act the way they do. It literally makes me sick. And I can't have that anymore. Dishonesty (to themselves and others), hatred, cruelty, etc. And no, I'm not just talking about one person. I just want to pick those fleas off my skin and crush them between my fingers. But I can't. I need to find a way to forgive them, and continue on in my life without them, or with minimal contact.
I went to Ginghamsburg last night for their Ash Wednesday service and found it incredible. They played a video at the beginning and I wish I could find a link to see it again. I don't know if the older attendees appreciated it as much as I did. I hope they did.
I need to find a way to get rid of the fleas in my life for good. Because they're getting under my skin, and today I'm just angry at them.
I find it AMAZING, and not in a good way, how people in my life could or do act the way they do. It literally makes me sick. And I can't have that anymore. Dishonesty (to themselves and others), hatred, cruelty, etc. And no, I'm not just talking about one person. I just want to pick those fleas off my skin and crush them between my fingers. But I can't. I need to find a way to forgive them, and continue on in my life without them, or with minimal contact.
I went to Ginghamsburg last night for their Ash Wednesday service and found it incredible. They played a video at the beginning and I wish I could find a link to see it again. I don't know if the older attendees appreciated it as much as I did. I hope they did.
Friday, March 4, 2011
DAY 33, Post 3
Last night was rough. This morning has been rough. But through all this roughness I'm learning who and what I truly need to have in my life.
I called off work today. I've literally been sick all night thinking about all that's going on. I've made some phone calls this morning already and will hopefully be able to get some help and direction today.
I've been reading more of the Bible this morning, and carry a highlighter to mark the passages that touch me. I hope this isn't sac-religious. (Spelling?)
Proverbs 4:23-27
"Above all else, guard your heart,
For everything you do flows from it.
Keep your mouth free of perversity;
Keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
Let your eyes look straight ahead;
Fix your gaze directly before you.
Give careful thought to the paths for your feet
And be steadfast in all your ways.
Do not turn to the right or the left;
Keep your foot from evil."
I called off work today. I've literally been sick all night thinking about all that's going on. I've made some phone calls this morning already and will hopefully be able to get some help and direction today.
I've been reading more of the Bible this morning, and carry a highlighter to mark the passages that touch me. I hope this isn't sac-religious. (Spelling?)
Proverbs 4:23-27
"Above all else, guard your heart,
For everything you do flows from it.
Keep your mouth free of perversity;
Keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
Let your eyes look straight ahead;
Fix your gaze directly before you.
Give careful thought to the paths for your feet
And be steadfast in all your ways.
Do not turn to the right or the left;
Keep your foot from evil."
Thursday, February 24, 2011
DAY 25, Post 3
I was outside with our puppy, Penny, this morning, and was watching her run around with a piece of bread she found in a neighbor's yard. She scurried around for a bit, looking for a place to hide her treasure, and she made me think... "Dogs are smart. How do I 'hide' my treasures so that they don't escape me?"
This afternoon she had a stick. I have sticks... My boys, the little money I make at my job, my job, my apartment, my self-respect, my happiness, my health, my family, my friends... How do I not get the short end of the stick? How do I ensure someone isn't going to cut one of them down and try to take it away from me? And if they try, how do I prevent it?
The District Manager was in the restaurant today and was talking to my manager about design issues in our store. I couldn't help but to take the opportunity during my break to ask him if corporate positions are hired from within the company as well... and he said YES! He said that whenever possible, all positions are filled by people who are already within the company. AND he gave me the information for the Design Manager, as with the expansions and new locations the company is constantly having, they could possibly need additional help. So, I'll be contacting her to inquire about possible positions tonight!
This afternoon she had a stick. I have sticks... My boys, the little money I make at my job, my job, my apartment, my self-respect, my happiness, my health, my family, my friends... How do I not get the short end of the stick? How do I ensure someone isn't going to cut one of them down and try to take it away from me? And if they try, how do I prevent it?
The District Manager was in the restaurant today and was talking to my manager about design issues in our store. I couldn't help but to take the opportunity during my break to ask him if corporate positions are hired from within the company as well... and he said YES! He said that whenever possible, all positions are filled by people who are already within the company. AND he gave me the information for the Design Manager, as with the expansions and new locations the company is constantly having, they could possibly need additional help. So, I'll be contacting her to inquire about possible positions tonight!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
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