Today has already been a whirlwind day. And it's probably going to get even more so considering I just drank a 6-hour energy shot and I'm currently nursing an AMP energy drink. (Can you tell I was feeling completely exhausted?)
To start the day off, Thing 2 beat me at a game of Backgammon (almost) fair-and-square before school. I found out my paycheck was deposited so I went to the ATM to get money for Dave and I to buy gas and my card was rejected as invalid. Invalid?? I called the bank and because I changed my last name due to the divorce, a new ATM card was issued a month ago. I just never opened the envelope. Doh.
So home I went, and then to Speedway to buy gas. Yea... I paid for $15, pulled the handle so it would pump while I was taking care of trash and the next thing I know, my car has $21+ in gas. And I'm an honest person so I went back in to take care of the balance I owed, but the girl at the cash register couldn't figure it out and customer comp'd the difference for me. Two gallons of free gas?!? I'll take it!
Then, an hour after I got to work there was a fire alarm and the fire truck came so... A nice ten minute break was had.
But I was crashing... Hard... I don't know why, but I was completely exhausted and coffee wasn't working so I went out during lunch to buy an energy shot. I decided while I was out to buy new headphones (Slacker.com keeps me going during the day and my headphones broke) at Meijer and while checking out, I had a feeling to buy two scratch-off lottery tickets for $1 each. And I won $4!
This afternoon I am getting my haircut for the first time since my birthday, and I am REALLY looking forward to it. While I know I could go to Great Clips and spend $15, haircuts by my favorite local stylist are the one luxury that I really allow myself. I am anything but a materialistic person as far as I'm concerned, but damn... A good haircut complete with a shampoo and style just feels SO great sometimes.
Dave reminds me occasionally that God will provide what we need, but today He is being VERY good to me! It's a GREAT day! Thank you!
Showing posts with label Car. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Car. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
Day 148, Post 1
I'm sitting at Thing 2's final tee-ball game of the season, enjoying it immensely because his dad isn't here to bring the night down with his negativity. The only damp part of the evening is the wet in my hair and on my shirt from the Mountain Dew I doused myself with while getting out of the car.
Thing 2 and I had quite the conversation on the way to the ball field. It revolved around God and ended with a discussion about death and heaven. We promised each other that whoever dies first will watch down over the other and will give hugs and kisses to the other when he/she dies and joins them. I made him promise that if I die before him that he won't be too sad because he'll see me again, and he made me promise the same. It's amazing how deep a conversation with a five-year-old can be.
The boys have both been questioning Dave and I about step-parents and about us getting married. While neither of us is ready (whether financially, physically and/or mentally), I have no doubt that it is in our future. Honestly, the only things stopping me are my bankruptcy (I don't want to have to include him because he's my spouse) and the fact that his daughter is not here. I told Dave last week that if/when we get married, I will NOT do it unless she is there. His response? He would like to include her IN the wedding, like as the flower girl. BIG happy sigh.
Thing 2 and I had quite the conversation on the way to the ball field. It revolved around God and ended with a discussion about death and heaven. We promised each other that whoever dies first will watch down over the other and will give hugs and kisses to the other when he/she dies and joins them. I made him promise that if I die before him that he won't be too sad because he'll see me again, and he made me promise the same. It's amazing how deep a conversation with a five-year-old can be.
The boys have both been questioning Dave and I about step-parents and about us getting married. While neither of us is ready (whether financially, physically and/or mentally), I have no doubt that it is in our future. Honestly, the only things stopping me are my bankruptcy (I don't want to have to include him because he's my spouse) and the fact that his daughter is not here. I told Dave last week that if/when we get married, I will NOT do it unless she is there. His response? He would like to include her IN the wedding, like as the flower girl. BIG happy sigh.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
DAY 137, Post 1
I think the hardest part of my job is knowing what to do when I have nothing to do. Right now is obviously one of those moments. At no previous job has my desk ever been cleaner than my desk is right now. Is there clutter on it? Yes. But only of the kind that my co-workers need and I can't put in a drawer that may be locked when they go to get it. So... The Franklin Covey puncher for organizer pages stays on my desk, taking up a valuable two-square-feet..
A definite perk of this job is the plethora of K-Cup options for the Keurig machine in the break rooms. With probably a minimum of 20 flavors, I've been able to try my tongue at them without having to buy a whole box at the grocery store. At $7.99/box, I would hate to get a box home and discover upon the first sip that I detest the flavor. Thanks to Dave and his sweet tooth, I've started putting sugar in my coffee again and have been able to stomach every flavor the break room has to offer.
And the highlights of my job?! The continued ability to have lunch with Dave every day. And today we carpooled. (Can it be considered carpooling when we only drive a quarter-mile at most to work?) Unfortunately the lunches and carpooling will stop next week when his schedule moves up an hour-and-a-half, but we'll still be able to see each other on breaks.
This is the boys' weekend with their Dad, quite appropriately considering it's Father's Day weekend, and Dave and I are enjoying a little bit of quiet already. Weekends begin Wednesday night and don't end until I pick them up after work on Monday. I can't fully figure out what to do for Dave for Father's Day though. K is across the ocean, and my bank account is suffering, but I still want to do something special for him. He is an amazing father to his daughter, an amazing role-model for my boys, and an amazing person altogether. I just want him to have an amazing day.
A definite perk of this job is the plethora of K-Cup options for the Keurig machine in the break rooms. With probably a minimum of 20 flavors, I've been able to try my tongue at them without having to buy a whole box at the grocery store. At $7.99/box, I would hate to get a box home and discover upon the first sip that I detest the flavor. Thanks to Dave and his sweet tooth, I've started putting sugar in my coffee again and have been able to stomach every flavor the break room has to offer.
And the highlights of my job?! The continued ability to have lunch with Dave every day. And today we carpooled. (Can it be considered carpooling when we only drive a quarter-mile at most to work?) Unfortunately the lunches and carpooling will stop next week when his schedule moves up an hour-and-a-half, but we'll still be able to see each other on breaks.
This is the boys' weekend with their Dad, quite appropriately considering it's Father's Day weekend, and Dave and I are enjoying a little bit of quiet already. Weekends begin Wednesday night and don't end until I pick them up after work on Monday. I can't fully figure out what to do for Dave for Father's Day though. K is across the ocean, and my bank account is suffering, but I still want to do something special for him. He is an amazing father to his daughter, an amazing role-model for my boys, and an amazing person altogether. I just want him to have an amazing day.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
DAY 109, Post 1
Last night Dave and I didn't have the boys so we took the opportunity, as horrible and selfish as it may sound, to eat out. No, I will not deny that we don't eat out with them because of the extra cost associated with feeding two more mouths. And... It's just so much more enjoyable eating out when it's only the two of us.
Anyway... When we arrived back home, DH was in the parking lot, kids in the car with him, and being a giant a**. I won't disclose the details of his attitude, however neither Dave nor I appreciated the way that he spoke to me. And Dave let him know it. And DH's response? Something along the lines of "Get out of my way you stupid jerk!"
Everyday I think more and more about getting a restraining order against him. However I fear the consequences of performing such actions. What would he/could he do to retaliate against me? And the only reason I would get the order is because I am more than tired of him verbally accosting me, whereever and whenever he wants. And his choice location lately seems to be at the boys' baseball games. And that's bullshit.
Anyway... When we arrived back home, DH was in the parking lot, kids in the car with him, and being a giant a**. I won't disclose the details of his attitude, however neither Dave nor I appreciated the way that he spoke to me. And Dave let him know it. And DH's response? Something along the lines of "Get out of my way you stupid jerk!"
Everyday I think more and more about getting a restraining order against him. However I fear the consequences of performing such actions. What would he/could he do to retaliate against me? And the only reason I would get the order is because I am more than tired of him verbally accosting me, whereever and whenever he wants. And his choice location lately seems to be at the boys' baseball games. And that's bullshit.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
DAY 102, Post 2
I can feel my belly growing... The delicacies prepared by Dave in the kitchen and on the grill are already impacting my weight. I can feel it. And it's funny... I know it's happening because a dress I bought two weeks ago (and am wearing for the first time today) doesn't fit as well around the boobs as it did before. No, I'm not pregnant. BUT, I did notice that when I lost weight I lost it in my boobs. Hmmm...
Today for lunch Dave made barbeque pork chop sandwiches and hot italian sausages on the grill. I'm afraid I won't make it through the afternoon at work due to falling asleep due to a full-belly enduced euphoria. The yummy deliciousness is sitting in my stomach, and it's a very good thing there's not a seam running down the front of my dress or I'd be afraid it would split.
Tonight after work Dave and I will be going to play pool with my co-workers. The guys, minus the manager and assistant manager, have a regular Thursday night weekly outing set up and apparently I'm worthy enough to be invited, haha. It probably helps that I was able to connect with JM, one of my co-workers, almost immediately by discussing WoW with him.
Last night Dave and I went down to Beavercreek to go to the Fairfield Mall as well as DSW and Old Navy. Dave introduced me to Bourbon Chicken (was that the name?) at Cajun Ming, and then I introduced him to Williams Sonoma. I think the latter overwhelmed him a bit. I'm not surprised, however, considering the store is packed full of high-quality, over-priced cooking tools. If I could buy him one of everything, I would.
I was tickled (Pink, haha) to find that Gap had stock of my favorite perfume, "So Pink", still on their shelves. Unfortunately it's been discontinued, so I'll soon have to find a new fragrance to wear. Not only do I love it, but Dave as well to the point that he asked me to spray it up under the dashboard in the car on the way home. Within seconds the aroma of "So Pink" filled the car. It was lovely, I won't deny, but even more beautiful was the huge smile it put on his face. Ahhh, how I LOVE seeing his smiles.
I had trouble falling asleep last night, but for a good reason, rather than bad. I honestly laid there thinking, "Did I die? Am I in heaven?" I was going to ask Dave to pinch me, however I decided instead to lie there enjoying being wrapped up in his arms and listening to his soft snoring. Oh how love is such a beautiful thing!
Today for lunch Dave made barbeque pork chop sandwiches and hot italian sausages on the grill. I'm afraid I won't make it through the afternoon at work due to falling asleep due to a full-belly enduced euphoria. The yummy deliciousness is sitting in my stomach, and it's a very good thing there's not a seam running down the front of my dress or I'd be afraid it would split.
Tonight after work Dave and I will be going to play pool with my co-workers. The guys, minus the manager and assistant manager, have a regular Thursday night weekly outing set up and apparently I'm worthy enough to be invited, haha. It probably helps that I was able to connect with JM, one of my co-workers, almost immediately by discussing WoW with him.
Last night Dave and I went down to Beavercreek to go to the Fairfield Mall as well as DSW and Old Navy. Dave introduced me to Bourbon Chicken (was that the name?) at Cajun Ming, and then I introduced him to Williams Sonoma. I think the latter overwhelmed him a bit. I'm not surprised, however, considering the store is packed full of high-quality, over-priced cooking tools. If I could buy him one of everything, I would.
I was tickled (Pink, haha) to find that Gap had stock of my favorite perfume, "So Pink", still on their shelves. Unfortunately it's been discontinued, so I'll soon have to find a new fragrance to wear. Not only do I love it, but Dave as well to the point that he asked me to spray it up under the dashboard in the car on the way home. Within seconds the aroma of "So Pink" filled the car. It was lovely, I won't deny, but even more beautiful was the huge smile it put on his face. Ahhh, how I LOVE seeing his smiles.
I had trouble falling asleep last night, but for a good reason, rather than bad. I honestly laid there thinking, "Did I die? Am I in heaven?" I was going to ask Dave to pinch me, however I decided instead to lie there enjoying being wrapped up in his arms and listening to his soft snoring. Oh how love is such a beautiful thing!
Monday, April 18, 2011
DAY 78, Post 2
WoW... Today marks three months since THAT day... I never knew that would be the last kiss. I never knew that making the drive out there to get my key would be... It. I was just SO hurt and SO angry. I didn't see any reason why I should have been tested. I still don't I suppose. I was who I am, and the actions I have taken since then have all been trying to recover some of what was lost.
Because honestly... I don't want THAT kiss to have been the last. I don't want that to have been the last time we listen to "Feeling Good" together in his car. I don't want that day to be the last day I ever hear a real laugh from him. And I don't want that day to have been... It... It was too good before then to just end like that.
It's 2am and I'm awake. And I don't want to be. I want to be asleep. But my dreams are once again taking me back to him and it hurts.
I should say, Thing 2 woke up with a bloody nose, and after his fall at the park today, it concerns me. He's sleeping on the living room floor beside me right now, and I feel comforted that I can keep a watchful eye on him. Penny's also curled up next to him. It's amazing how she's willing to be so close to him when he's not awake, haha.
Because honestly... I don't want THAT kiss to have been the last. I don't want that to have been the last time we listen to "Feeling Good" together in his car. I don't want that day to be the last day I ever hear a real laugh from him. And I don't want that day to have been... It... It was too good before then to just end like that.
It's 2am and I'm awake. And I don't want to be. I want to be asleep. But my dreams are once again taking me back to him and it hurts.
I should say, Thing 2 woke up with a bloody nose, and after his fall at the park today, it concerns me. He's sleeping on the living room floor beside me right now, and I feel comforted that I can keep a watchful eye on him. Penny's also curled up next to him. It's amazing how she's willing to be so close to him when he's not awake, haha.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
DAY 77, Post 2
I'm not feeling it today. I've turned to my Bible and prayer notebook to try to find refuge from all of my thoughts. But it's not working.
I have so many "why" questions on my mind, but I know I can't ask for or search for answers. When they are ready to present themselves they will. But God, I wish the answers would present themselves sooner rather than later.
This will be an... Interesting... Week... It will be my last full week at CMG as my job at AH starts a week from Monday. And next weekend I'll have some real furniture in my apartment finally, thanks to Mom and Aunt Flushy. AND... Next Sunday is my re-affirmation at Ginghamsburg.
Today was a rough day. Check out how I described an experience at the park in an email...
"I took the boys and Penny to the park today after church and I sat there reading my Bible... And then I heard (Thing 2) scream. He came running at me with a bloody nose and dirt and mulch all over his back.
"Some kid (and you better believe I let him and the adults he was with have it) told (Thing 2) he needed to make a sacrifice for him. A sacrifice,... What the hell does a child (Thing 2's) age or even (Thing 1's) age know about the word "sacrifice"?
"But the conversation in the car shocked me. (Thing 1) asked me what the word sacrifice means, and (Thing 2) said "to get hurt so someone else doesn't have to." I guess (Thing 2) has been listening at church when Pastor Mike says that Jesus sacrificed himself on the cross for all of our sins."
The rest of this email doesn't help with my current attitude or my thought pattern today. I'll leave this post at that.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
I have so many "why" questions on my mind, but I know I can't ask for or search for answers. When they are ready to present themselves they will. But God, I wish the answers would present themselves sooner rather than later.
This will be an... Interesting... Week... It will be my last full week at CMG as my job at AH starts a week from Monday. And next weekend I'll have some real furniture in my apartment finally, thanks to Mom and Aunt Flushy. AND... Next Sunday is my re-affirmation at Ginghamsburg.
Today was a rough day. Check out how I described an experience at the park in an email...
"I took the boys and Penny to the park today after church and I sat there reading my Bible... And then I heard (Thing 2) scream. He came running at me with a bloody nose and dirt and mulch all over his back.
"Some kid (and you better believe I let him and the adults he was with have it) told (Thing 2) he needed to make a sacrifice for him. A sacrifice,... What the hell does a child (Thing 2's) age or even (Thing 1's) age know about the word "sacrifice"?
"But the conversation in the car shocked me. (Thing 1) asked me what the word sacrifice means, and (Thing 2) said "to get hurt so someone else doesn't have to." I guess (Thing 2) has been listening at church when Pastor Mike says that Jesus sacrificed himself on the cross for all of our sins."
The rest of this email doesn't help with my current attitude or my thought pattern today. I'll leave this post at that.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
DAY 73, Post 4
I just saw him again, but that's besides the point. I am on my way home as fast as I can get there because I got a call about the job I REALLY want. They want to interview me TODAY!! Thank you, Jesus for giving me this opportunity!
By the way, he was heading back towards his house when I was walking out of the mall. I'm just happy our cars weren't at the same light together.
By the way, he was heading back towards his house when I was walking out of the mall. I'm just happy our cars weren't at the same light together.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
DAY 72, Post 2
I'm having difficulty today taking my mind off him. I'm sitting in my car at Thing 1's baseball practice and I'm... Concerned. I guess while I didn't expect a response from my last email, even a short and even rude one would have let me know he's alive. No, I can't say alive and well because under his circumstances, I wouldn't expect well. But because of his circumstances, that's why I would like even a one word response. Because I am a worrier. I am concerned. And I care too much.
The vibe was off as soon as I got to work this morning. I could feel it. And right away I prayed to God to help me make it through the day. And... I got to cut avocados! While it may sound like a small thing, I'm in what one of my managers call the "cash trap.". They (the managers) find someone who's good at running the register and keep them there. And when you're on cash, there are so many duties assigned to you that you don't have time during your shift to try to learn anything new. But today... I did. And it made my day.
The vibe was off as soon as I got to work this morning. I could feel it. And right away I prayed to God to help me make it through the day. And... I got to cut avocados! While it may sound like a small thing, I'm in what one of my managers call the "cash trap.". They (the managers) find someone who's good at running the register and keep them there. And when you're on cash, there are so many duties assigned to you that you don't have time during your shift to try to learn anything new. But today... I did. And it made my day.
Friday, April 8, 2011
DAY 68, Post 3
I'm really beginning to resent my neighbor's car alarm. It has a double honk, and the "beep beep" gets me every time, as do the placement of their headlights. I need to find something else to focus on. Something else to distract me and put my thoughts into, as this isn't working for me.
It was a tough day at work. It was a tough day period. I entered this week feeling really optimistic about what could lie ahead, and so far I... Haven't been totally disappointed but it's not where I thought I would be this week. At all.
It was a tough day at work. It was a tough day period. I entered this week feeling really optimistic about what could lie ahead, and so far I... Haven't been totally disappointed but it's not where I thought I would be this week. At all.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
DAY 66, Post 3
I'm taking steps in the moving-forward direction this morning. Whether they be the right steps or not, I guess only time will tell.
I called my attorney's office this morning and set up an appointment for next Friday morning to discuss bankruptcy. I still have feelings of guilt when considering bankruptcy, but I believe it really is something I need to consider. If given the choice between paying of the debt little-by-little, it could take me the rest of my life. And the last thing I want to think about, even at age 32, is leaving my boys debt when I die. So... I need to consider bankruptcy. I'm already operating on a cash-basis as far as finances go, and I have absolutely no intention of ever racking up debt on credit cards ever again.
Next, I received a call from a local, architectural and engineering focused employment agency. They had a job in the office, which was unfortunately more senior of a position then I am eligible for, which they wanted to speak to me about. Fortunately, the man told me they do get a number of jobs through their office, and he would like to sit down with me next week. So... Yay! I've already updated my resume(s) and gotten them back to him, so now I just have to wait and see what happens.
Lastly, I called a car insurance company to get a quote for my car. The car will be paid off and the title transferred to me in the next 30 days, so registration and car insurance are next on my list of bigger expenditures. Luckily we're not still living outside of New York City and the car insurance will be (relatively) affordable.
Oh! I also forgot to mention that I wrote up a monthly budget! It didn't have the car insurance cost as I didn't know that yet, however I'm seeing what I have to spend money on and how much money that will leave me at the end of every month. The leftover isn't very much, and it's plainly obvious to me that I need to get a higher paying job. I have so much to be grateful for though. One of my co-workers is working two jobs, probably both at the same rate as I'm getting paid, as she has FIVE children. I can't imagine being under that type of stress. Food, clothes, car-pools, activities, etc. It's hard enough with just my two boys! She is married though, but still... If he's making the same as us... It's got to be REALLY hard!
I called my attorney's office this morning and set up an appointment for next Friday morning to discuss bankruptcy. I still have feelings of guilt when considering bankruptcy, but I believe it really is something I need to consider. If given the choice between paying of the debt little-by-little, it could take me the rest of my life. And the last thing I want to think about, even at age 32, is leaving my boys debt when I die. So... I need to consider bankruptcy. I'm already operating on a cash-basis as far as finances go, and I have absolutely no intention of ever racking up debt on credit cards ever again.
Next, I received a call from a local, architectural and engineering focused employment agency. They had a job in the office, which was unfortunately more senior of a position then I am eligible for, which they wanted to speak to me about. Fortunately, the man told me they do get a number of jobs through their office, and he would like to sit down with me next week. So... Yay! I've already updated my resume(s) and gotten them back to him, so now I just have to wait and see what happens.
Lastly, I called a car insurance company to get a quote for my car. The car will be paid off and the title transferred to me in the next 30 days, so registration and car insurance are next on my list of bigger expenditures. Luckily we're not still living outside of New York City and the car insurance will be (relatively) affordable.
Oh! I also forgot to mention that I wrote up a monthly budget! It didn't have the car insurance cost as I didn't know that yet, however I'm seeing what I have to spend money on and how much money that will leave me at the end of every month. The leftover isn't very much, and it's plainly obvious to me that I need to get a higher paying job. I have so much to be grateful for though. One of my co-workers is working two jobs, probably both at the same rate as I'm getting paid, as she has FIVE children. I can't imagine being under that type of stress. Food, clothes, car-pools, activities, etc. It's hard enough with just my two boys! She is married though, but still... If he's making the same as us... It's got to be REALLY hard!
Friday, March 25, 2011
DAY 54, Post 4
I took the boys' clothes over to DH's house and then got back in my car and started driving. It was about the time that I got to the square that I realized, "What am I doing?" I drove around the square and drove back home. And here I am...
I don't like being worried. I want to send a text to find out how he's doing. But I can't. I want to send an email. But I won't. I want to so terribly, but I won't. I dread this is his last couple of days with his daughter, and I'm not going to interupt that... Even if he's not checking his email.
So I'll sit here, watch TV and knit. I'm working on the pocket that goes on the front of the sweater. I'm thinking of finishing it, sewing it to the front and then stuffing it with Cellas. What good is a pocket if there's nothing worthwhile inside? Sure, I'd love for my hands to be inside, but... Big sigh.
I don't like being worried. I want to send a text to find out how he's doing. But I can't. I want to send an email. But I won't. I want to so terribly, but I won't. I dread this is his last couple of days with his daughter, and I'm not going to interupt that... Even if he's not checking his email.
So I'll sit here, watch TV and knit. I'm working on the pocket that goes on the front of the sweater. I'm thinking of finishing it, sewing it to the front and then stuffing it with Cellas. What good is a pocket if there's nothing worthwhile inside? Sure, I'd love for my hands to be inside, but... Big sigh.
DAY 54, Post 3
I'm completely exhausted, yet my brain is in complete over-drive. Actually, I have no desire to sit at home, and would get up and drive if I didn't have to finish drying clothes for the boys. They are at DH's this weekend. I can't say I won't be driving after I drop the clothes off at his house. It's either that or pass out on the living room floor, as I don't feel like making my bed.
Work was... Work today. I kept my mouth shut and not that I ever let myself stand still (unless there is a customer at the register with me), I definitely didn't let myself stand still. SK, one of the two managers I like, told me I did great today. That made me feel better... Sort of. The funny, although not of the ha-ha kind, is that three others asked me if I had gotten my break today. I guess it was made more of a conversation last night after I left. I choose not to think about that though.
I look around my apartment, and although it's not a wreck, Penny knows how to make a mess while nobody's at home. Yarn and shoes are strewn all over the living room, I know I really should clean them up. But... I really don't feel like it. I want to snap my fingers like Mary Poppins and have everything put away where it belongs.
It's a good thing I'm not a drinker. And by drinker I mean serious, hard-core drinker. Because if I was, I would probably spend the night in a bar. And a drink doesn't even sound appetizing, just the numbing effects do.
Work was... Work today. I kept my mouth shut and not that I ever let myself stand still (unless there is a customer at the register with me), I definitely didn't let myself stand still. SK, one of the two managers I like, told me I did great today. That made me feel better... Sort of. The funny, although not of the ha-ha kind, is that three others asked me if I had gotten my break today. I guess it was made more of a conversation last night after I left. I choose not to think about that though.
I look around my apartment, and although it's not a wreck, Penny knows how to make a mess while nobody's at home. Yarn and shoes are strewn all over the living room, I know I really should clean them up. But... I really don't feel like it. I want to snap my fingers like Mary Poppins and have everything put away where it belongs.
It's a good thing I'm not a drinker. And by drinker I mean serious, hard-core drinker. Because if I was, I would probably spend the night in a bar. And a drink doesn't even sound appetizing, just the numbing effects do.
Monday, March 21, 2011
DAY 50, Post 2
Today I receive my first glimpse of what being a single mom with a sick child is like. DH wouldn't help me, and replied to the last of my texts with a snippy response. I didn't appreciate it. So, I had to call off work. Gulp. I hate calling off work. I've called off work enough already, and with April rent looming right around the corner, any missed day hurts.
Last night was a rough night of sleep. I slept on the floor in the living room for a good bit so that I wouldn't disturb Thing 1 who was sleeping in my bed. When I did go to my bed, I dreamt. And once again he was in my dreams. It's agonizing seeing him in my dreams. And for some reason in my dream last night he brought 30 people with him and they wanted to play some game where we all crammed into a car. Did you know you can get claustrophobic in a dream? Well, you can!
The dream took place at a hotel where the elevators when up, down, forward, back, left and right. And I was lost. I feel lost anyways, and I guess it was reflected in my dream. I couldn't find the path to where I wanted to go, and that's how I feel in my everyday life. And it sucks. I don't want to move on, per say, but I know that where I am right now is not working.
Last night was a rough night of sleep. I slept on the floor in the living room for a good bit so that I wouldn't disturb Thing 1 who was sleeping in my bed. When I did go to my bed, I dreamt. And once again he was in my dreams. It's agonizing seeing him in my dreams. And for some reason in my dream last night he brought 30 people with him and they wanted to play some game where we all crammed into a car. Did you know you can get claustrophobic in a dream? Well, you can!
The dream took place at a hotel where the elevators when up, down, forward, back, left and right. And I was lost. I feel lost anyways, and I guess it was reflected in my dream. I couldn't find the path to where I wanted to go, and that's how I feel in my everyday life. And it sucks. I don't want to move on, per say, but I know that where I am right now is not working.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
DAY 43, Post 4
Almost a month ago I posted a bunch of Mini-Goals for the month. I decided it's time to evaluate my progress and set new goals for next month...
- Get an oil change for my car. It's overdue and I've been neglecting it due to money. DID IT!
- Inquire about design jobs. I may not like working at a desk all day, but I'd rather do that than give up my nights and weekends being bossed around by kids 10 years younger than me. I've been looking for jobs, but haven't been focusing on only interior design. So far, I haven't found anything, but I'm not giving up.
- Buy some paint and start the S.O.S. collection. Due to money I wasn't able to do this... This month...
- Keep my apartment clean and start throwing out clutter. Eh... I tried...
- Turn off the lights and TV every night. Yea, I must admit my electricity bill is inflated because turning off the lights and TV makes me lonely. The lights have definitely been turned off more than they were last month, but I need to get better at this still...
- Make a wreath for my front door with my boys. Due to money we didn't do this either...
- Start cooking actual meals. Eating CMG and only CMG is not good for me. Eh... I cooked more this month, but I didn't make as much progress as I had hoped.
- Read every night, both to the boys and to myself. I've read the Bible quite a bit, but I need to be better about reading to the boys.
- Following up on #8, work on paying of the library tab, haha. Yea... Didn't happen...
- Knit 10 more blocks for my blanket. Didn't even finish one more... But I started!
- Buy a new board or card game for my boys once a month and make a point of playing a game every night with them. We bought UNO this month but only played a couple of times.
- Positive visualization I've decided to eliminate drama-filled people from my life, and stay positive. The visualization isn't necessarily up to me.
- Keep on job searching.
- Scrapbook! I've got most of my inventory back, and it's about time I use some of this stuff for my personal use!
- Keep my apartment clean and start throwing out clutter.
- Turn off the lights and TV every night. Yea, I must admit my electricity bill is inflated because turning off the lights and TV makes me lonely.
- Cook a real meal every night that I have the boys.
- Read every night, both to the boys and to myself.
- Knit 3 more blocks for my blanket.... Let's be realistic this month!
- Buy a new board or card game for my boys once a month and make a point of playing a game every night with them.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
DAY 31, Post 4
I won't deny that today started off really rough for me. REALLY rough...
I went to the doctor again today, and unlike last week, today saw the P.A. I saw in December. I was weighed again, and today was down to 151. Last week I was 154. December 1 I was 170 pounds. She asked me if I'm trying to lose weight and I said no, to which she asked what the heck is going on. I just broke down... again... I can't tell you how much I love crying at the doctor's office, haha. But now it's official! Down 60 pounds since January 2010!
After my doctor's appointment, I had a couple of interesting conversations, one with a VIP, and they put a LOT into perspective for me. I'm very fortunate to have all that I have right now. Although I would love for my family to be here in Ohio with me, I'm very lucky that they are alive and healthy and have always supported me. I'm also very lucky to have a nice apartment, my children in my custody, a job and a car. And health insurance. Yea, it sucks to live paycheck to paycheck, but I need to focus on what I have instead of what I don't. And even though I care very much for what I don't have, I need to maintain a positive attitude for me and my boys and focus on what I do have going for me. I hope my positive attitude can rub off on others, and I hope that if you know me and see me in real life, that remind me of the need to be positive if you see me slipping.
To CL-WoW... I doubt you're reading this but thank you... The hour today meant the world to me. Everything WILL work out for you and I'll be there for a hug whenever you need it.
I went to the doctor again today, and unlike last week, today saw the P.A. I saw in December. I was weighed again, and today was down to 151. Last week I was 154. December 1 I was 170 pounds. She asked me if I'm trying to lose weight and I said no, to which she asked what the heck is going on. I just broke down... again... I can't tell you how much I love crying at the doctor's office, haha. But now it's official! Down 60 pounds since January 2010!
After my doctor's appointment, I had a couple of interesting conversations, one with a VIP, and they put a LOT into perspective for me. I'm very fortunate to have all that I have right now. Although I would love for my family to be here in Ohio with me, I'm very lucky that they are alive and healthy and have always supported me. I'm also very lucky to have a nice apartment, my children in my custody, a job and a car. And health insurance. Yea, it sucks to live paycheck to paycheck, but I need to focus on what I have instead of what I don't. And even though I care very much for what I don't have, I need to maintain a positive attitude for me and my boys and focus on what I do have going for me. I hope my positive attitude can rub off on others, and I hope that if you know me and see me in real life, that remind me of the need to be positive if you see me slipping.
To CL-WoW... I doubt you're reading this but thank you... The hour today meant the world to me. Everything WILL work out for you and I'll be there for a hug whenever you need it.
DAY 31, Post 3
I'm doing pretty well tackling my to-do list, although right now I'm at the doctors office waiting to be seen. So far I've done all the dishes, cleaned out my car, cleaned and vacuumed my room, cleaned my bathroom (with the exception of the toilet), cleaned the half-bath (again, with the exception of the toilet), and done a ton of laundry. I've also hung most of the pictures, but I found a couple more I want to put up.
My to-do list doesn't seem to be distracting me very well though. I'm still thinking way too much. And although I appreciate all of the birthday wishes I've received, I'm sorry that I haven't responded to one of them personally yet. I'd rather just think of today as any other day where I don't have to work. I don't feel like thinking about it being by birthday. It's just not a happy day for me...
DAY 31, Post 2
DEEP Sigh... So it's the day. But I've decided to give myself a to-do list to keep myself occupied. The first task is/was cleaning up my living room, and I've been watching reruns of The Office. Wouldn't you know, one of my favorite openers was on the episode I turned on...
I can't get the YouTube blogger share feature to work properly, but click here to see the clip I'm talking about. I would be the one to sit there waiting for the colorful cube to hit the corner.
Anyway, here's my To-Do List for the day...
I can't get the YouTube blogger share feature to work properly, but click here to see the clip I'm talking about. I would be the one to sit there waiting for the colorful cube to hit the corner.
Anyway, here's my To-Do List for the day...
- Clean/vacuum living room
- Do dishes
- Clean kitchen
- Clean all bathrooms
- Finish all laundry and put away
- Clean out car
- Hang photos I found from Photo101 in college
- Go to bank and turn in tip change
- Follow up on WPAFB interior design project
- Finish knitting front of sweater
- Finish knitting blanket block
- Clean/vacuum boys bedrooms
- Clean/vacuum my room
Monday, February 28, 2011
DAY 29, Post 3
One step forward, two steps back... Or maybe not. I had to let go of something that wasn't working today. No, it wasn't CL-WoW. But I realized I couldn't proceed with how things were going with CT when I was clearly hung up elsewhere. So... I'll sit here and wait.
A Cross-County Care Package is all set to be mailed, however I fear that it will piss him off. And that's the last thing I want to do. But I care. So when these little things kept showing up, I couldn't help but to gather them and wait til a package was full. And now it is.
I spent about two hours in my car this morning, just trying to get some clarity. I can't seem to think when I'm at home. Or, I can, but it's not necessarily the thoughts I'm looking for. I wound up at Schuler's Bakery, a place he raved about to me. I bought a donut that I haven't eaten yet. I don't know that I will. It just doesn't feel right.
Now I'm sitting outside of a 2pm job interview, clearing my head, on here, before I go in and knock the socks off them. :-). I had cancelled this same interview six weeks ago and last week decided to call and see if the job was still open. Wish me luck!
A Cross-County Care Package is all set to be mailed, however I fear that it will piss him off. And that's the last thing I want to do. But I care. So when these little things kept showing up, I couldn't help but to gather them and wait til a package was full. And now it is.
I spent about two hours in my car this morning, just trying to get some clarity. I can't seem to think when I'm at home. Or, I can, but it's not necessarily the thoughts I'm looking for. I wound up at Schuler's Bakery, a place he raved about to me. I bought a donut that I haven't eaten yet. I don't know that I will. It just doesn't feel right.
Now I'm sitting outside of a 2pm job interview, clearing my head, on here, before I go in and knock the socks off them. :-). I had cancelled this same interview six weeks ago and last week decided to call and see if the job was still open. Wish me luck!
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