Today I breathe easier. And I must say that I wrote that first sentence hours ago. But now, I breathe a LOT easier.
Putting our trust in God showed us in the last 24 hours how he WILL provide what we need. And it re-affirms how I need to be more faithful and less stressed on a daily basis, and with whatever this world throws at me. When the world throws poop at us, God will help us wash it off.
For me, it meant a little bit of compassion and assistance from DH. He is helping with daycare costs a little bit more until my tax return comes.
For Dave, it means a new job.
And for us, it means that we have decided not to proceed with a big wedding with all the festivities next year. We realized while talking last night that we were each planning the big ceremony for the other person, but in all actuality, all we need individually is the small ceremony we're having this year. We'll have each other and our immediate family. THAT is what is most important. NOT spending thousands of dollars on a party.
And with that last part said, I need to resurrect the "Song of the Day."
Friday, February 10, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Stress and Money: They Come and They Go
An hour later...
Suddenly, while I'm focused on doing the best job I can, and whistling while I work, I get a call that I don't want... My ex-husband, telling me that the kids are being refused from day care unless I go over and make a payment.
So I did.
Argh.
I don't have money for this. Yes, I got paid today and have money in my bank account to cover the check I had to write, but that severely impacts the other bills I have to pay. Rent (for February!), car insurance, food, gas for the car... Sigh... I NEED to find something else.
To top it off, the IRS website is no longer telling me the status of my (hefty) tax return. The site I used to file said I could receive my funds in as soon as 10 days. Today is day 10. So why, today, is the status of my return no longer showing up? Is my payment in process? Is it not coming? I'm not a fan of uncertainty.
And to say the least, I'm stressed.
Majorly, agonizingly, stressed.
I know what I need to do, but why is it so hard sometimes? Being a Christian I know I need to put my Faith in God to provide what I need, but I feel like I should be doing more.
I'll Whistle While I Work
I arrived at work nearly an hour and a half early this morning. Why? Thanks to the incredibly supportive man in my life, I fell asleep on the couch at 7pm last night and slept right through, besides being woken to go to bed. This morning I feel COMPLETELY refreshed, alert and ready to go. That feeling in itself is refreshing. When I fall asleep at 7, however, I start waking up around 3am, wondering when the alarm is going to go off. By 5am I gave up sleeping and decided to make it an early day at work.
When I arrived, the first email I saw was K-Love's Encouraging Word of the Day, and how completely appropriate it was, for me at least...
"Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people." ~Colossians 3:23
I must admit, I've become lazy. At work, at home, in life in general. And I need to change that. I don't focus on what I don't have, but when I'm not completely satisfied with what I do have (my job, despite loving the people and being great at it), I put it on the side or back burner and choose to focus on other things.
But maybe that's why I'm not being presented with an opportunity that I would enjoy more. Perhaps it's because I'm not working as hard as I can at what I do have, and making the most of it. Perhaps I need to "whistle while I work" and that will be the key to opening more doors.
Besides work, I have been exploring other opportunities. Dave will be starting school in the next couple of weeks (going for his Bachelors in Game Art and Design!), and hearing him talk about it makes me think about going back myself to finish my Bachelors in Graphic Design. No, the thought of taking out more student loans does NOT excite me, however at least payment on my current loans would stop until I wrapped up the next degree. And where I live now is not an interior design mecca. Besides doing free-lance work, I do not see myself finding a job in the field I was formerly educated in.
Today I believe I'll focus on doing the best I can at everything I do, and stop being lazy and avoiding what I don't particularly want to do.
When I arrived, the first email I saw was K-Love's Encouraging Word of the Day, and how completely appropriate it was, for me at least...
"Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people." ~Colossians 3:23
I must admit, I've become lazy. At work, at home, in life in general. And I need to change that. I don't focus on what I don't have, but when I'm not completely satisfied with what I do have (my job, despite loving the people and being great at it), I put it on the side or back burner and choose to focus on other things.
But maybe that's why I'm not being presented with an opportunity that I would enjoy more. Perhaps it's because I'm not working as hard as I can at what I do have, and making the most of it. Perhaps I need to "whistle while I work" and that will be the key to opening more doors.
Besides work, I have been exploring other opportunities. Dave will be starting school in the next couple of weeks (going for his Bachelors in Game Art and Design!), and hearing him talk about it makes me think about going back myself to finish my Bachelors in Graphic Design. No, the thought of taking out more student loans does NOT excite me, however at least payment on my current loans would stop until I wrapped up the next degree. And where I live now is not an interior design mecca. Besides doing free-lance work, I do not see myself finding a job in the field I was formerly educated in.
Today I believe I'll focus on doing the best I can at everything I do, and stop being lazy and avoiding what I don't particularly want to do.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Knit 1, Wedding 2, We'll Make 5
Last night I finished knitting, crocheting, and sewing in the loose ends completely on my wedding dress. I can't even express the sense of accomplishment I feel. Not only is it complete, but it FITS! I'll post again later today, but here's a picture of me in the dress. More/better pictures will come on/after the big day! Now I'm thinking of knitting a shawl in the same feather/fan pattern to wear around me with the dress, as I can't count on this unseasonably warm weather to be around then. I can hope and pray though!
Monday, February 6, 2012
Do Your Laundry
As I climbed into bed last night I could help but to think about how simple things, like crawling into my own bed each night, can be taken for granted. From there I began to think about the other earthly pleasures I take for granted, most of them on a daily basis.
Why did I have such thoughts?
Here's why...
Pretty much unrecognizable, that's a clothes dryer in the middle of the picture, next to the chair. Or should I say a charred dryer next to a charred chair?
Upon arriving home from church yesterday, Dave, the boys and I were welcomed by firetrucks and a Red Cross van in our driveway. Three apartments down, a young mother had put her daughters down for a nap, and walked out of their room into a cloud of black smoke coming out of the dryer. She opened the door and flames burst out at her. From there, the fire spread around the apartment, and between the flames and the smoke, the possessions they held dear were destroyed.
No clothes.
No furniture.
No toys.
No... Anything...
Dave and I pulled together a couple bags of clothes for her and her fiance and I was able to find a few baby blankets left over from my boys for her 5 month old. And Thing 2 brought tears to her eyes when he presented her with a stuffed elephant for her 2 year old. But I went to bed wanting to be able to do more.
As I lay down to sleep, however, it truly hit me how much they lost. Everything must be re-acquired. From a cup to drink out of to toothbrushes and towels. Baby clothes and diapers, and a chair to sit on. Wow.
I seem to be full of pleas for my readers (if I have any) lately, but here's a couple more...
1. Check out dryer vents and lint traps regularly. Your lint trap should be emptied before EVERY load. A clogged vent can not only cause clothes to not by dried in one cycle, but can burn out your heating element, or worse, start a fire. If you rent, ask your landlord to clean your vent at least once a year.
2. Invest in renter's insurance. If you own your home, your home owner's insurance would cover a disaster such as this. However if you rent, you need to cover yourself. And in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't cost that much. Geico, for instance, charges approximately $40/month. Does that sound like a lot? Think about EVERYTHING you'd need to replace if your apartment burnt down. Yea...
Why did I have such thoughts?
Here's why...
Pretty much unrecognizable, that's a clothes dryer in the middle of the picture, next to the chair. Or should I say a charred dryer next to a charred chair?
Upon arriving home from church yesterday, Dave, the boys and I were welcomed by firetrucks and a Red Cross van in our driveway. Three apartments down, a young mother had put her daughters down for a nap, and walked out of their room into a cloud of black smoke coming out of the dryer. She opened the door and flames burst out at her. From there, the fire spread around the apartment, and between the flames and the smoke, the possessions they held dear were destroyed.
No clothes.
No furniture.
No toys.
No... Anything...
Dave and I pulled together a couple bags of clothes for her and her fiance and I was able to find a few baby blankets left over from my boys for her 5 month old. And Thing 2 brought tears to her eyes when he presented her with a stuffed elephant for her 2 year old. But I went to bed wanting to be able to do more.
As I lay down to sleep, however, it truly hit me how much they lost. Everything must be re-acquired. From a cup to drink out of to toothbrushes and towels. Baby clothes and diapers, and a chair to sit on. Wow.
I seem to be full of pleas for my readers (if I have any) lately, but here's a couple more...
1. Check out dryer vents and lint traps regularly. Your lint trap should be emptied before EVERY load. A clogged vent can not only cause clothes to not by dried in one cycle, but can burn out your heating element, or worse, start a fire. If you rent, ask your landlord to clean your vent at least once a year.
2. Invest in renter's insurance. If you own your home, your home owner's insurance would cover a disaster such as this. However if you rent, you need to cover yourself. And in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't cost that much. Geico, for instance, charges approximately $40/month. Does that sound like a lot? Think about EVERYTHING you'd need to replace if your apartment burnt down. Yea...
Friday, February 3, 2012
The Roller Coaster Ride Continues
I started this post yesterday...
**********************************************************************
Yesterday's roller coaster ride of life took us down a major decline and back up a surprising way.
The decline was the result of hearing the outcome of my medical tests. While I wouldn't normally get (quite so) personal on here, I am sharing the following as encouragement to any/all female readers to get their annual pap smear, and accept the additional testing, despite any additional costs that may arise. My pap smear this year came back abnormal, and my doctor's office did a further exam which I will spare you the details of. Cells were removed from my cervix and a biopsy was performed on them. The results returned yesterday and I received a call from the doctor's office during my lunch.
While my HPV test(s) came back negative, the removed cells are "moderate to severely bad cells with lesions" and are pre-cancerous. In doctor talk, this is "Cervical Dysplasia."
What's next?
That's a question that can be asked and answered in so many ways...
What's going to burden my life next? What's going to make my life better next? How do I take care of this medical issue? In general... What's next?
I can only answer the 3rd of these questions. On Monday, February 27 I will be having a LEEP (?) procedure in which the bad cells will be burnt and scraped off my cervix. In the end my cervix will be shortened, however there are positives. 1. These cells are PRE-cancerous, not cancerous. 2. This will not affect my ability to have children. 3. Once removed, the doctor said these cells usually don't return.
Despite these positives, I couldn't/can't help but be scared and angry. Scared that this won't be the end of it. Scared that the cells will return and will be cancerous. Angry that my life, which is finally as wonderful as I could ever have imagined, could be drastically changed and shortened. Scared that I won't see my boys grow up. Scared that I won't be able to grow old with Dave. Scared in general...
But I have to interupt those thoughts. Even Tony Robbins says you have to interupt negative thought patterns. So I turn to God.
Isaiah 40:27-31
Why would you ever complain, O Jacob,
or, whine, Israel, saying,
"God has lost track of me.
He doesn't care what happens to me"?
Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening?
God doesn't come and go. God lasts.
He's Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath.
And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.
They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don't get tired,
they walk and don't lag behind.
**********************************************************************
Yesterday's roller coaster ride of life took us down a major decline and back up a surprising way.
The decline was the result of hearing the outcome of my medical tests. While I wouldn't normally get (quite so) personal on here, I am sharing the following as encouragement to any/all female readers to get their annual pap smear, and accept the additional testing, despite any additional costs that may arise. My pap smear this year came back abnormal, and my doctor's office did a further exam which I will spare you the details of. Cells were removed from my cervix and a biopsy was performed on them. The results returned yesterday and I received a call from the doctor's office during my lunch.
While my HPV test(s) came back negative, the removed cells are "moderate to severely bad cells with lesions" and are pre-cancerous. In doctor talk, this is "Cervical Dysplasia."
What's next?
That's a question that can be asked and answered in so many ways...
What's going to burden my life next? What's going to make my life better next? How do I take care of this medical issue? In general... What's next?
I can only answer the 3rd of these questions. On Monday, February 27 I will be having a LEEP (?) procedure in which the bad cells will be burnt and scraped off my cervix. In the end my cervix will be shortened, however there are positives. 1. These cells are PRE-cancerous, not cancerous. 2. This will not affect my ability to have children. 3. Once removed, the doctor said these cells usually don't return.
Despite these positives, I couldn't/can't help but be scared and angry. Scared that this won't be the end of it. Scared that the cells will return and will be cancerous. Angry that my life, which is finally as wonderful as I could ever have imagined, could be drastically changed and shortened. Scared that I won't see my boys grow up. Scared that I won't be able to grow old with Dave. Scared in general...
But I have to interupt those thoughts. Even Tony Robbins says you have to interupt negative thought patterns. So I turn to God.
Isaiah 40:27-31
Why would you ever complain, O Jacob,
or, whine, Israel, saying,
"God has lost track of me.
He doesn't care what happens to me"?
Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening?
God doesn't come and go. God lasts.
He's Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath.
And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.
They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don't get tired,
they walk and don't lag behind.
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