The Roller Coaster Ride Continues

I started this post yesterday...

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Yesterday's roller coaster ride of life took us down a major decline and back up a surprising way.

The decline was the result of hearing the outcome of my medical tests.  While I wouldn't normally get (quite so) personal on here, I am sharing the following as encouragement to any/all female readers to get their annual pap smear, and accept the additional testing, despite any additional costs that may arise.  My pap smear this year came back abnormal, and my doctor's office did a further exam which I will spare you the details of.  Cells were removed from my cervix and a biopsy was performed on them.  The results returned yesterday and I received a call from the doctor's office during my lunch.

While my HPV test(s) came back negative, the removed cells are "moderate to severely bad cells with lesions" and are pre-cancerous.  In doctor talk, this is "Cervical Dysplasia."

What's next? 

That's a question that can be asked and answered in so many ways...

What's going to burden my life next?  What's going to make my life better next?  How do I take care of this medical issue?  In general...  What's next?

I can only answer the 3rd of these questions.  On Monday, February 27 I will be having a LEEP (?) procedure in which the bad cells will be burnt and scraped off my cervix.  In the end my cervix will be shortened, however there are positives.  1.  These cells are PRE-cancerous, not cancerous.  2.  This will not affect my ability to have children.  3.  Once removed, the doctor said these cells usually don't return.

Despite these positives, I couldn't/can't help but be scared and angry.  Scared that this won't be the end of it.  Scared that the cells will return and will be cancerous.  Angry that my life, which is finally as wonderful as I could ever have imagined, could be drastically changed and shortened.  Scared that I won't see my boys grow up.  Scared that I won't be able to grow old with Dave.  Scared in general...

But I have to interupt those thoughts.  Even Tony Robbins says you have to interupt negative thought patterns.  So I turn to God.

Isaiah 40:27-31
Why would you ever complain, O Jacob,
   or, whine, Israel, saying,
"God has lost track of me.
   He doesn't care what happens to me"?
Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening?
God doesn't come and go. God lasts.
   He's Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath.
   And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
   gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
   young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.
   They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don't get tired,
   they walk and don't lag behind.