Keep on Keeping On

Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for.

Keep on seeking, and you will find.

Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.

~Matthew 7:7

How can I say it any better than that?  My life feels like a roller coaster sometimes, with unimaginably awesome ascents and unforgiving descents.  When I remember to put faith in my Faith, however, my life plateaus for a bit, and more often or not the plateau is on an up, not on a down.

Last night was filled with all kinds of rushes in good ways.  Here are a few highlights:

• Thing 1 and Thing 2 came home after spending the last 5 nights with their dad.
• Thing 1 presented Dave with an awesome picture he drew, with the caption "The Best Dad Award"
• I did my taxes last night, and forecasted Dave's.  The good news...  Actually, GREAT news is that money is on it's way!
• My fingers were ready for knitting last night.  I divided my dress for the front and back over the weekend, and last night I started the neck and shoulder shaping, including binding off the neckline stitches.  I'm thinking I'll be able to finish at least the left shoulder tonight!

I hope you and your loved ones are either on the ascent or on a plateau at the top!  XO

Every Inch of Life...

More nights than not I can be found on my side of the couch, with Penny (the dog) in my lap, knitting.  Dave will be on the other side of the couch, his PS3 controller in his hands, playing the game of the moment.  Right now it's Skyrim.  We'll both have our legs stretched out down the couch, intertwined with each other, and we'll both look up occasionally to find the other one staring at us.  It's not a bad stare.  It's a fascinating, "I love that person, no matter what s/he is doing" stare.  Now that the wedding dress is getting longer, Dave has been picking it up, feeling it, and rubbing his face on it because it smells like me.  I think it's sweet.  Last night, however, he said something that really struck me.  He said, "You know, you have touched EVERY inch of this dress." 

Yea, I have.

While I'm not saying that a store-bought wedding dress doesn't mean as much as the one I'm knitting, and I'm not saying that I'm not going to buy one for the big wedding/reception next year, however I AM just really (don't know what word I want) that I have touched every 1/4 inch of this dress!  It makes it SO personal!

I can't say that I have touched as much of any other aspect of my life as I have my dress.  I've been reviewing my finances on a nearly-daily basis since last May, however I can't say I'm touching every piece of my finances when I can't afford to pay all my bills.  And by discussing my dress, I realize I need to be just as involved in my boys' lives as I am in the construction of this dress.  Am I a good mom (in my opinion)?  Yes, I believe I'm a GREAT mom.  However there are always ways a parent can improve.  And I'm going to find them.  And the same goes for being a mate for Dave. 

*************************

Later...  I need a nap.  And I need to be at home.  The work week needs to end...  Fast...

Take a Bite Out of Life!

I've decided that the cereal "Life" is very much like life itself.  If you let it sit there too long without tasting it, it will get soggy and stale.  So what are you waiting for?  Take a bite!

Last night I decided it was time to get back to knitting my dress.  I think I may have completed four rows (each row takes about 20 minutes to knit, uninterupted), which I feel good about.  I have no doubt that I'll have the dress finished in time, however I am concerned that it won't fit.  Is it a concern with cause?  No.  I have absolutely no reason to think it won't fit.  But if it doesn't, I would, crazily enough, like to knit it again so it does.  And in case you're wondering, either way I'll be selling the dress (custom-made for other people, not MY dress) on Etsy.

Tonight I would like to work on our invites for the small wedding.  We found a style we like on the internet, however the company wants $4+/card for what is essentially a 4x6 picture and envelope.  Using Photoshop I am planning on tweaking the design, making it our own and getting them printed at Walmart or Meijer.  Then we'll mount the pictures on good, Bazzill cardstock and send them out!  What this other company wanted $4.39/each for, we'll be able to make for under $1!  I'll post pictures of it when I'm finished.

I hate to close up a post this way, but I am going to ask for your prayers.  I had a follow-up doctor's appointment yesterday afternoon, and have to wait up to two weeks for biopsy results to know what is going on.  The hardest part(s) for me are 1) I feel fine.  A routine yearly test came back with abnormal results and they send me into a frenzy.  2) While I try to be an optimist, the worst case scenario scares the shit out of me...  And pisses me off.  I know I have to keep my Faith, and keep a positive mind, however I'm not ready to give up what I have.  And I'm not ready to give up on what I want in the future. 

I'm not going to give up!

The Year of Ketchup

While preparing to compose today's post, I realized my previous method of naming my posts, by day number counting from the beginning of the post, doesn't really do my blog justice.  So much has happened since I began writing the blog that I could have essentially started back at Day 1 any number of times.  So from here on out I will be trying to name my posts in some sort of creatively relevant manner.

Last night was my second knit in a row of not working on knitting my wedding dress.  I had every intention of working on it, however the pattern with all my notes has temporarily made itself scarce.  I'm going to find it, I know I am, however the break from knitting has given me some time to...  NOT think.  Don't get me wrong...  I LOVE to knit.  And even more, I love to be knitting my wedding dress.  However sometimes my mind just gets going to fast that even concentrating on my pattern can't keep my mind under control.  My thoughts while knitting tend to be focused on money, the wedding (obviously) and a whole lot of randomness, but at times all the thoughts blur together and make me feel anxious.  And with all the good in my life, I don't like to feel anxious.

So last night I spent my time playing on my Kindle Fire, Dave's first big surprise for me over the Christmas/New Year's holiday.  Words With Friends has become an addiction, however last night I was sucked into Sim City.  I remember being in high school, spending weekends at my Dad's and staying up until all hours playing it.  Now that I think about it, even back then it gave me the same escape from reality then as it does now.

Last night's game was going extremely well until my city grew so big that I actually started LOSING money.  And that leads me to my thought of the morning.  How many times can our hopes and dreams become SO large that they actually case us to implode onto ourselves?  We let ourselves take on so much that by the time we realize we're overburdened, we're already caving in under the pressure?

So I realize today, that like Sim City, it is necessary to take life one step at a time.  Last night I found myself building too much of one zone, only to lose money and have them remain empty.  This is like life, only people put eggs into too many baskets and fail to succeed or make an omelette out of any of them.

Dave and I have decided that 2012 is the year of Catch-Up.  (Everytime I say this I want to say Ketchup, with my boys in mind).  But, Suze Orman would probably agree that it's impossible to catch up if you're trying to tackle it all at the same time.  Tackle one at a time and you'll get them all worked out eventually.  Try to handle them all at once and you'll be where you started, with nothing done and nothing more to show for all your stress and efforts.

"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."  ~Matthew 6:34

DAY 359

Stepping away from typing up yesterday's post (a day late) I'm faced with a completely new set of feelings.  While I stand by yesteday's thoughts that I have learned how to live, and that every moment needs to be appreciated and cherished, it takes on a completely new meaning to me.

While there are no results yet, I received word from a doctor yesterday that the results from a routine exam came back abnormal and that further testing and a biopsy are necessary.  Without going into too much detail, the outcome from this (if negative) could impact Dave and my ability to have children of our own, which we very much would like to do.  And while I am trying to stay positive, the "What-if's" sometimes get the best of me.

A follow up exam was scheduled for February 15, however I decided to call today and see if the doctor had had any cancellations.  My favorite doctor in the office had a cancellation tomorrow at 2:15pm and I jumped on it.  With our wedding on the horizon, I would like to know the results sooner rather than later.  I don't like being on edge with the boys, and last night and this morning I was EXTREMELY irritable towards both of them, a fact which I am NOT proud of.  I have taken pride in my ability to keep a level head with them in most situations, and last night and this morning I most certainly did not.

On the flip side, this has certainly reinforced yesterday's post...  For me at least.  Cherish every moment.  Don't (or try not to) stress over the things you can't control.  And take time for hugs and kisses, no matter how late you're running.  It's these moments you will and want to remember.

I brought Dave's headphones to work today so that I can listen to K-Love and the first song I heard when I turned it on was "Hope Now" by Addison Road.  The chorus really got to me...

Everything rides on hope now
Everything runs on Faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free.

In the past year I have been given MANY blessings, including a wonderful man who loves me and a renewed relationship with God, who I can praise and give thanks to everyday, despite everything I may or may not be experiencing.  He has a path for me.  I just have to remember to be patient to find out what that path is and where it will take me.

DAY 358

This was yesterday's post, written in my Day Planner...

As I got ready for work this morning, I realized that in the past year I have learned how to live.  By live I don't mean perform the actions necessary in life.  I mean perform them and appreciate them, and remember the ones that matter don't stress about the ones that don't.

Thing 1 is a top-knotch diddle-dwadler in the morning.  It doesn't matter what time he wakes up and how little he has to do, he can still be the last one out the door in the morning.  Despite how late I may be running, however, I always have time for a hug and a kiss when dropping the boys off at school.  Do I use my "flex time" on days I have the boys?  You bet I do!  But those extra minutes for hugs and kisses are well worth it!

Don't forget how to live.  Fill your life with memories of meaningful moments, regardless of how late you're running every morning.

DAY 355, Post 2

While I wrote earlier that today is going better than yesterday, I decided that I have to add that I'm finding it ridiculously difficult to get any work done.  I'm sitting at work more or less staring at screen wondering what I should/have to do next.  It doesn't really help that I'm on top of all the work that's come in and have already gotten 99.9 percent of my work done.  Looking around my cubicle, all I can really see that needs done is that my desk should be wiped down.  But I really don't feel like it.

Dave's packed my lunch for the past couple of days, and after eating I start feeling really sleepy shortly thereafter.  I wish I could unfold a sleeping bag under my desk and take a nap (I type, yawning).

I probably shouldn't be admitting this, but what often fills my day is random thoughts.  I mean, right now I'm staring at my water bottle wondering how many ounces are in a gallon.  Do you know?  (Looking on google.com to find out)  128 fl. oz. are in a gallon.  So...  I have a 32 fl. oz. water bottle and I drink at least two a day.  No wonder another portion of my day is filled with trips to the ladies room!

But with that said, it's time to fill my water bottle back up for the third time today, haha.

DAY 355

Today is going much better that yesterday.  I feel like I can breathe and am in more control of what's going on in my life.  Yes, there are still things I want (and have no control over), like making more money, but as long as we have a roof over our head and food in the cabinets I can handle the rest.  And what I don't feel like I can handle, I can pray for.

DAY 354

Extremely anxious...  There's no other way to express how I'm feeling right now.  I know some say that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, however right now He's giving us a whole lot.  And while we're doing the best we can to take control of some things, others are out of our hands altogether.  I don't like not being in control.

In times like this I have to work extra hard to maintain optimism.  Keep my chin up and keep looking at what our final goals are.  And I have to pray.  Pray to God that He puts us on a good path, and hopefully a better one.

I have a Franklin Covey planner now at work.  I got the 7 Habits refill for this year, and every day has a quote.  Monday's was particularly inspirational...

"People with goals succeed because they know where they're going." - Earl Nightingale

I think I need to make higher goals...

Day 351

I've been wanting to write so badly for the last couple of weeks, however I wanted to wait to share the incredible news I have...

Dave and I are engaged!

Throughout each day, every day, I never cease to be astounded by the changes and experiences I have had over the past year.  And now I have gone back around full circle to where I wanted to be when I started this blog nearly a year ago.

Now I am in the process of knitting my wedding dress for the small ceremony, which we will be having in March with immediate family.  Here's where I am right now...

I'm only about 15 inches (of 41) through, but I hope it will speed up a little now that I am starting to decrease.  It's worked from the bottom up in a feather and fan pattern.  All I can REALLY hope is that it fits when it is finished.