Stress and Money: They Come and They Go

An hour later...

Suddenly, while I'm focused on doing the best job I can, and whistling while I work, I get a call that I don't want... My ex-husband, telling me that the kids are being refused from day care unless I go over and make a payment.

So I did.

Argh.

I don't have money for this. Yes, I got paid today and have money in my bank account to cover the check I had to write, but that severely impacts the other bills I have to pay. Rent (for February!), car insurance, food, gas for the car... Sigh... I NEED to find something else.

To top it off, the IRS website is no longer telling me the status of my (hefty) tax return. The site I used to file said I could receive my funds in as soon as 10 days. Today is day 10. So why, today, is the status of my return no longer showing up? Is my payment in process? Is it not coming? I'm not a fan of uncertainty.

And to say the least, I'm stressed.

Majorly, agonizingly, stressed.

I know what I need to do, but why is it so hard sometimes? Being a Christian I know I need to put my Faith in God to provide what I need, but I feel like I should be doing more.

Do Your Laundry

As I climbed into bed last night I could help but to think about how simple things, like crawling into my own bed each night, can be taken for granted.  From there I began to think about the other earthly pleasures I take for granted, most of them on a daily basis.

Why did I have such thoughts?

Here's why...

Pretty much unrecognizable, that's a clothes dryer in the middle of the picture, next to the chair.  Or should I say a charred dryer next to a charred chair?

Upon arriving home from church yesterday, Dave, the boys and I were welcomed by firetrucks and a Red Cross van in our driveway.  Three apartments down, a young mother had put her daughters down for a nap, and walked out of their room into a cloud of black smoke coming out of the dryer.  She opened the door and flames burst out at her.  From there, the fire spread around the apartment, and between the flames and the smoke, the possessions they held dear were destroyed.

No clothes.

No furniture.

No toys.

No... Anything...

Dave and I pulled together a couple bags of clothes for her and her fiance and I was able to find a few baby blankets left over from my boys for her 5 month old.  And Thing 2 brought tears to her eyes when he presented her with a stuffed elephant for her 2 year old.  But I went to bed wanting to be able to do more.

As I lay down to sleep, however, it truly hit me how much they lost.  Everything must be re-acquired.  From a cup to drink out of to toothbrushes and towels.  Baby clothes and diapers, and a chair to sit on.  Wow.

I seem to be full of pleas for my readers (if I have any) lately, but here's a couple more...

1.  Check out dryer vents and lint traps regularly.  Your lint trap should be emptied before EVERY load.  A clogged vent can not only cause clothes to not by dried in one cycle, but can burn out your heating element, or worse, start a fire.  If you rent, ask your landlord to clean your vent at least once a year.

2.  Invest in renter's insurance.  If you own your home, your home owner's insurance would cover a disaster such as this.  However if you rent, you need to cover yourself.  And in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't cost that much.  Geico, for instance, charges approximately $40/month.  Does that sound like a lot?  Think about EVERYTHING you'd need to replace if your apartment burnt down.  Yea...

Every Inch of Life...

More nights than not I can be found on my side of the couch, with Penny (the dog) in my lap, knitting.  Dave will be on the other side of the couch, his PS3 controller in his hands, playing the game of the moment.  Right now it's Skyrim.  We'll both have our legs stretched out down the couch, intertwined with each other, and we'll both look up occasionally to find the other one staring at us.  It's not a bad stare.  It's a fascinating, "I love that person, no matter what s/he is doing" stare.  Now that the wedding dress is getting longer, Dave has been picking it up, feeling it, and rubbing his face on it because it smells like me.  I think it's sweet.  Last night, however, he said something that really struck me.  He said, "You know, you have touched EVERY inch of this dress." 

Yea, I have.

While I'm not saying that a store-bought wedding dress doesn't mean as much as the one I'm knitting, and I'm not saying that I'm not going to buy one for the big wedding/reception next year, however I AM just really (don't know what word I want) that I have touched every 1/4 inch of this dress!  It makes it SO personal!

I can't say that I have touched as much of any other aspect of my life as I have my dress.  I've been reviewing my finances on a nearly-daily basis since last May, however I can't say I'm touching every piece of my finances when I can't afford to pay all my bills.  And by discussing my dress, I realize I need to be just as involved in my boys' lives as I am in the construction of this dress.  Am I a good mom (in my opinion)?  Yes, I believe I'm a GREAT mom.  However there are always ways a parent can improve.  And I'm going to find them.  And the same goes for being a mate for Dave. 

*************************

Later...  I need a nap.  And I need to be at home.  The work week needs to end...  Fast...

The Year of Ketchup

While preparing to compose today's post, I realized my previous method of naming my posts, by day number counting from the beginning of the post, doesn't really do my blog justice.  So much has happened since I began writing the blog that I could have essentially started back at Day 1 any number of times.  So from here on out I will be trying to name my posts in some sort of creatively relevant manner.

Last night was my second knit in a row of not working on knitting my wedding dress.  I had every intention of working on it, however the pattern with all my notes has temporarily made itself scarce.  I'm going to find it, I know I am, however the break from knitting has given me some time to...  NOT think.  Don't get me wrong...  I LOVE to knit.  And even more, I love to be knitting my wedding dress.  However sometimes my mind just gets going to fast that even concentrating on my pattern can't keep my mind under control.  My thoughts while knitting tend to be focused on money, the wedding (obviously) and a whole lot of randomness, but at times all the thoughts blur together and make me feel anxious.  And with all the good in my life, I don't like to feel anxious.

So last night I spent my time playing on my Kindle Fire, Dave's first big surprise for me over the Christmas/New Year's holiday.  Words With Friends has become an addiction, however last night I was sucked into Sim City.  I remember being in high school, spending weekends at my Dad's and staying up until all hours playing it.  Now that I think about it, even back then it gave me the same escape from reality then as it does now.

Last night's game was going extremely well until my city grew so big that I actually started LOSING money.  And that leads me to my thought of the morning.  How many times can our hopes and dreams become SO large that they actually case us to implode onto ourselves?  We let ourselves take on so much that by the time we realize we're overburdened, we're already caving in under the pressure?

So I realize today, that like Sim City, it is necessary to take life one step at a time.  Last night I found myself building too much of one zone, only to lose money and have them remain empty.  This is like life, only people put eggs into too many baskets and fail to succeed or make an omelette out of any of them.

Dave and I have decided that 2012 is the year of Catch-Up.  (Everytime I say this I want to say Ketchup, with my boys in mind).  But, Suze Orman would probably agree that it's impossible to catch up if you're trying to tackle it all at the same time.  Tackle one at a time and you'll get them all worked out eventually.  Try to handle them all at once and you'll be where you started, with nothing done and nothing more to show for all your stress and efforts.

"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."  ~Matthew 6:34

Day 178, Post 1

Ah...  Sometimes it's hard not to let the stress of money get to me.  But when it does I'm lucky enough to have a wonderful support network who remind me to keep my chin up and that God will provide.

Day 152, Post 1

Yes, I am at work.  I'm continuing to work on a special project with a couple of great co-workers, however today is review day and...  It gets a bit boring.  Except for when one of them starts tapping out sitcom theme songs on the table and a google search for the actual theme song follows.  That's what's happening now.

I talked to the boys last night (they are at their dad's), and I feel bad for their dad.  Why?  At the end of the conversation they wanted to know when they are coming back to my house and wanted to blow me kisses.  They don't do that during conversations with their dad, but that's because he hasn't earned the respect from them to receive that type of treatment.  And that sucks.

Dave and I are continuing to work wonderfully as a team.  Last night we relished in the fact that we paid the rent not only on-time, but a day early.  While this may seem like a small accomplishment to some, it's huge to us.  Although it will be slow-going, we see in our near future that all bills (well, all household bills, not my personal debt) will be caught up, on time, and paid on a timely basis.  And that's a WONDERFUL feeling.  While in the past I hated with a passion the necessary task of balancing my checkbook...  And refused to do it...  Now I have an Excel file that breaks down all my spending into categories and I check my bank account on a daily basis.  Plus, I have a yearly tab which shows the spending per category from one month to the next and is truly an eye-opener.  I have to remember that the month of May included a road-trip for the four of us back to New York, but the amount I/we spent eating out was ridiculous!

I can't figure out how to include my spreadsheet (my figures excluded) to this post, but if you would like the file to use for yourself, let me know!

Day 135, Post 1

Dave so greatly reminded me today that sometimes things get worse before they get better. And I needed that reminded, especially when financially things got worse today on the brink of getting better.

Ill admit, I've been playing roulette for the past couple of months in regards to what bill(s) had to be paid and which could wait. And today the gas company caught up to me. But as pissed as I am (at myself and my lack of funds), I have to remind myself of all the positives. 1) its not winter and we don't need heat 2) Dave and I both now have GOOD jobs and this is the last month of this poorness 3) the electricity is still on 4) the rent is paid.

So, now comes the struggle of figuring out how and when to get the gas turned back on. I HATE asking for help. And while you may wonder why Dave isn't paying it, ill tell you he would x's 5 if he could. But his job just started last week, and after 2 months of being unemployed, you can imagine what his bank account looks like. Sadly, mine isn't any better.

But as Monty Python sang...

Always look on the bright side of life!

I'll suck it up and ask for help one last time, knowing that next month we'll be on the up and up... Or at least our bank accounts will be. Dave, the boys and I are already well on the up and up. And it just hit me that despite the financial stresses, I really couldn't be happier. And that feels better than words can express.

DAY 70, Post 2

I only have a few minutes before I need to get ready for work.  Today I work 8-4.  I clearly upset my General Manager yesterday when he saw the note that I had updated my availability for work.  He came to ask me about not being able to work on Sundays, and I stated to him that the church has asked me to help out.  While I haven't written about it on here before, the church has contacted me to assist in the Children's Ministry, particularly in the childcare rooms during services.  I would be honored.  But I can't (personally)commit unless I know that I will not have to work on Sundays.  It would be unfair for them to count on me unless I can commit to not working on Sundays.  And seeing as I had been thinking about it for some time anyway, I think it's the right thing to do.  As Christians we aren't supposed to work on Sundays anyway, so what better way to "work" then to help out at my church?

I've spent the last hour scouring the internet for jobs and luckily found a couple to apply for.  While for the most part I like the people I work with at my job, the pay and hours really aren't working for me.  And having a four year degree, I am really concerned that I will get trapped in the minimum-wage restaurant track if I don't make a change soon.  I'm grateful that I've made it the three months I have there so far though.  Seriously, the job is MUCH more intense than I ever expected.

While looking for a new job, I've also been giving a lot of thought to going back to college.  I'm debating between education and therapy/counseling as far as majors go, and I will continue to think about it, probably until the fall.  Both of my moms went back to school later in life, and both went back after the age of 32, so I can wait a bit longer until I figure out if this is my calling.  The thought of taking out more student loans continues to be troubling to me, but pursuing a career in interior design/architecture is proving to be difficult, especially due to the geographic constraints imposed by the divorce.  And there is no way I will move out of the area and lose time with my boys.  NO way.

DAY 66, Post 3

I'm taking steps in the moving-forward direction this morning.  Whether they be the right steps or not, I guess only time will tell.

I called my attorney's office this morning and set up an appointment for next Friday morning to discuss bankruptcy.  I still have feelings of guilt when considering bankruptcy, but I believe it really is something I need to consider.  If given the choice between paying of the debt little-by-little, it could take me the rest of my life.  And the last thing I want to think about, even at age 32, is leaving my boys debt when I die.  So...  I need to consider bankruptcy.  I'm already operating on a cash-basis as far as finances go, and I have absolutely no intention of ever racking up debt on credit cards ever again.

Next, I received a call from a local, architectural and engineering focused employment agency.  They had a job in the office, which was unfortunately more senior of a position then I am eligible for, which they wanted to speak to me about.  Fortunately, the man told me they do get a number of jobs through their office, and he would like to sit down with me next week.  So...  Yay!  I've already updated my resume(s) and gotten them back to him, so now I just have to wait and see what happens.

Lastly, I called a car insurance company to get a quote for my car.  The car will be paid off and the title transferred to me in the next 30 days, so registration and car insurance are next on my list of bigger expenditures.  Luckily we're not still living outside of New York City and the car insurance will be (relatively) affordable.

Oh!  I also forgot to mention that I wrote up a monthly budget!  It didn't have the car insurance cost as I didn't know that yet, however I'm seeing what I have to spend money on and how much money that will leave me at the end of every month.  The leftover isn't very much, and it's plainly obvious to me that I need to get a higher paying job.  I have so much to be grateful for though.  One of my co-workers is working two jobs, probably both at the same rate as I'm getting paid, as she has FIVE children.  I can't imagine being under that type of stress.  Food, clothes, car-pools, activities, etc.  It's hard enough with just my two boys!  She is married though, but still...  If he's making the same as us...  It's got to be REALLY hard!

DAY 65, Post 4

I want to put a HUGE thank you out there to my sweetie-pie Thing 2.  He totally made my night by having a dance party in the living room with me.  We danced to "Try a Little Tenderness", and let me tell you...  I could feel it in my belly when we were through!  Now I know how I'm going to get rid of the belly fat that doesn't want to go away, despite the weight loss.

The boys have finally migrated their way upstairs to bed, however I know they will be up for a while as Penny has found something to bark her head off at.  And while I know they should go to sleep, I am somewhat comforted by the sounds of their voices.  I supposed I should go confiscate their DS's for the night though.

Now that the details of the divorce have been figured out, I sit here thinking...  Now what?  What do I put my efforts in to now?  I was worried I hadn't put enough time into my divorce documents, however after looking at DH's documents, I was FAR more detailed than he was.  I must admit, his lack of detail put a slight smile on my face.  Considering how I would get criticized for my laziness, his work seemed a bit half-ass to me.  And while yes, my work schedule is a bit unconventional, up to now I HAVE had the boys more of the time than he has.  So...  HA!

But really...  What now?  Where do I concentrate my efforts?  I am thinking job searching would be a good route.  And reading a book I picked up at church that Pastor Mike wrote, Money Matters.  The topic of bankruptcy came up at both the therapist's office and at court today, and I am mixed on the subject.  While yes, it would be nice to have my creditors off my back, I have guilty feelings about writing off my debt.  I got myself into this mess.  To me, I really should try to get myself out of it.  Unfortunately I know the debt will take longer to pay off then the seven years a bankruptcy will stay on my record, especially in my current employment situation.  I guess this is something I will REALLY need to think through.

Despite the fact that I myself went to a therapist today, I have been giving a lot of thought to what I would like to do with my life.  And I've realized that I love helping, or rather attempting to help people.  An ad keeps coming up on Facebook for a degree to become a Christian therapists, and I clicked on it today just to see what it's about.  I'm not going to deny that the thought of going back to school and accruing even more debt scares the shit out of me, but I really don't think that design is my calling.  I REALLY want to help people.  But perhaps I should sit/sleep on this thought for a while...  At least a few months if not a year.  Thing 2 will be in Kindergarten in the fall, and life may or may not become simpler then.

DAY 62, Post 4

My evening thinking session has started early today, thanks to the March 28, 2011 "Our Daily Bread" article which I caught up on today.  A couple sections especially got to me...

Love is not blind but looks

Abroad through others' eyes,

And asks not, "Must I give?"

But, "May I sacrifice?" -Ziegler

Yea, I am approaching this quote first because it's easier for me to discuss.   I've done a lot lately, not because I felt I must give, but because I felt there were things I could myself sacrifice to do something for others.  And I did.  And no, love is not blind.  Sometimes, however, love gives the false impression that you can see clearly when actually you can't.  You can't always see what you're doing clearly, and unfortunately giving sometimes means hurting, both someone else and yourself.  Why someone else?  Because they can't give in return.  Which is where the rest comes in...

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.

Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,

not looking to your own interests

but each of you to the interests of the others.

-Philippians 2:3-4

I cannot deny for a second that a lot of my giving and sacrificing had selfish intents.  And I was looking to my own interests and not to the interests of others.  And after having read this I am feeling REALLY bad.  Like horribly bad.  Because I can't walk in anyone's shoes but my own, and while I would gladly walk in someone else's shoes to remove some of the stress, scariness, uncomfortableness, etc., those shoes are not mine and will not fit.  I can't walk on their shoes, but can only be asked to walk beside them, which I haven't been.  And, I won't deny that I've wanted that invitation.

BUT, I must also say, that I do wish I could help.  More than anything, I wish I could be Mary Poppins and snap my fingers to clean up the messes.  That would be a wonderful day.  But I'm not Mary Poppins.  I'm a 32-year old single-mother of two working a (basically) minimum wage job to pay my bills.  And they're not even all getting paid (on-time).  And somehow I need to focus on cleaning up my own messes, even if they are not the ones I want to focus on.  Because, how can I help anyone else if I don't have my rent paid, gas, water and electric paid for, a job, or food in my kitchen for me and my boys? 

DAY 61, Post 2

I can't really express how I've felt today.  My emotions, feelings, etc. run all over the gamut.  Tired, motivated, proud, spiritual...  Those are just a few...

I covered a shift at work this morning for a girl who has now lost her job for not showing up and not calling up for a few shifts earlier this week.  As much as I can't stand my job sometimes, I can't imagine just letting it go.  And that's not to say there aren't times I just want to quit.  Because there certainly are.  But even if/when I find a better job, I still planning on keeping this one just as a back-up.  Will I be exhausted from working so much?  Hell, yea!  But I never want to be in the situation where I don't have a job again.  So if it takes two jobs to ensure this, then so-be-it.

While I hate to admit it, I was able to pay my rent today, by myself, for the first time since I moved in here in December.  And writing that rent check was...  Exhilirating.  After that I came home and paid part of my electricity bill as well.  Thank goodness for companies that allow partial payments!  While I could have paid the full amount that my bill showed, that would have left only a little bit of money in my account until I get paid in two weeks.  And I don't like having that little in my account.  I think I've written it before, but it's amazing how I can manage my money when I don't have a lot, but when I did have...  More...  I handled it like shit.  I don't think I've had one overdraft charge since I moved out in December.  Woo hoo for me! 

After getting home I cleaned the living room, washed one batch of dishes, took care of the trash and did a load and a half of laundry.  I wouldn't have had to do the second load of laundry but the darn cat won't stop peeing on Thing 1's bed.  Yuck, I know.  But with Penny here, Miki has taken up refuge in Thing 1's room. 

And Penny...  Damn her sometimes...  This morning I found her chewing Thing 1's NEW hearing aid, which he had left on the floor last night.  Not the place to leave it by any means, but damn it, Penny!  Thing 1 lost his hearing aid the day we moved out and DH just took him to get this new one three weeks ago.  Hearing aids, for those of you who don't know, are NOT covered by health insurance, and cost over a thousand dollars each.  So...  I will have the pleasure of covering the cost of the new earmold.  The earmold is the plastic piece that goes into the ear.  Thank goodness the electronic part was spared from Penny's wrath.

The boys have realized that the weekends they are with me coincide with the Friday's I get paid.  Thing 2 has been begging for a new baseball glove, however that's not in the budget right now.  Neither is dinner at La Fiesta, which they have been asking for as well.  The baseball glove isn't a necessity, however his glove from last year is currently missing, as is Thing 1's baseball bat.  And Thing 1's baseball practice started this week, so...  Yea...

Tomorrow is the last Saturday of sports for the boys at the YMCA until the fall, for which I am immensely grateful.  While I enjoy watching the boys play, spending over three hours of my Saturdays off at the YMCA is not the highlight of my weekend.  I'll be much happier this spring and summer watching them play baseball, especially since I am not coaching this season.  I'll miss coaching, without a doubt, but with my job at CMG, I can't afford to take off all the time for practice and games.  I don't think a parent realizes just how much time and energy coaching takes until they've done it themselves.  Unfortunately for the coaches, they suffer sometimes from the wrath of parents who don't realize the sacrifices the coaching parents make.

This week I have learned the value of patience, from a variety of experiences.  Work, customers, CL-WoW have each taught me a bit.  And I appreciate the lessons each have provided.  It's amazing, however, how much the customers taught me, and not necessarily in a positive way.  With the computers down yesterday, it was amazing how nasty some customers got when they couldn't speed through the line as they normally do.  But then there are the customers behind the nasty customers who try to make the cashier's (my) day better by joking about the previous customers.  Two women especially, put a smile on my face yesterday when they commented on the customer in front of them.  So thank you, ladies!  Patience truly is a virtue!

So for the next few weeks and months, I will exercise patience.  And it's going to be an interesting couple of weeks.  I could be divorced this coming Tuesday if everything goes smoothly at our pre-trial.  Or, it could be just shy of two weeks from now when I'm officially divorced, and if that's the case, I will patiently await the day.  I thought about the day for years, and I can patiently wait a couple more weeks for it.  And as for the other things/situations I am hoping for, I will patiently wait for them as well.  No more trying to force them to happen sooner rather than later.  If they happen, they will happen when they are supposed to.  But in the meantime I need to remind myself to focus on what I need rather than what I want.

DAY 53, Post 2

I had a shitty day at work.  Yes, I'm grateful to have a job, but today was a reminder that I'm not doing what I need to be doing...  For me...  I mean, for now I'm doing what I need to do so I can do what I want to do (pay bills), but... 

The kicker was that one of the managers, who likes me, told me that in a manager meeting it came up that at least one of them doesn't think I focus on my job and that I am more concerned about when I'm getting my break.  That's TOTAL bullshit.  I do my job, plus some, on a consistent, everyday basis.  No, if I've been working 7 hours and still haven't gotten a break, my concentration may not be 100%.  And yes, that has happened...  on numerous occasions.

But today, I worked 10:30-6, and at 4pm hadn't had a break.  I hadn't asked about it all day, but at 2:30 the general manager told ME that one of the other managers would be in at 3pm and he would put her on the manager drawer so I could get my break shortly after 3.  I was thinking, "Great!  He remembered!"  Well, at 4pm he was looking at me with a goofy face and I had just finished making three hotel pans of chips, so I asked, "Oh?!  Is it break time?!"  He told the other manager to get on the drawer, and she made a snippy comment about how "Next time you should say something before 3pm."

What?!?!  Why would I say anything now when obviously they think I'm more concerned about my breaks?

Just to make it clear, I'm primarily a cashier.  But being the cashier also involves keeping the line clean, keeping the dining room and bathrooms clean, restocking the line, making salsas and chips as necessary, doing table touches (asking customers how their food is), and a whole lot of restocking.  AND, when I'm not busy doing any of those things, I usually head to the back to do dishes to help everyone else out.  So, REALLY?!?

DAY 43, Post 4

Almost a month ago I posted a bunch of Mini-Goals for the month.  I decided it's time to evaluate my progress and set new goals for next month...

1. Get an oil change for my car.  It's overdue and I've been neglecting it due to money. DID IT!
2. Inquire about design jobs.  I may not like working at a desk all day, but I'd rather do that than give up my nights and weekends being bossed around by kids 10 years younger than me. I've been looking for jobs, but haven't been focusing on only interior design.  So far, I haven't found anything, but I'm not giving up.
3. Buy some paint and start the S.O.S. collection.  Due to money I wasn't able to do this...  This month...
4. Keep my apartment clean and start throwing out clutter. Eh...  I tried...
5. Turn off the lights and TV every night.  Yea, I must admit my electricity bill is inflated because turning off the lights and TV makes me lonely. The lights have definitely been turned off more than they were last month, but I need to get better at this still...
6. Make a wreath for my front door with my boys.  Due to money we didn't do this either...
7. Start cooking actual meals.  Eating CMG and only CMG is not good for me.  Eh...  I cooked more this month, but I didn't make as much progress as I had hoped.
8. Read every night, both to the boys and to myself. I've read the Bible quite a bit, but I need to be better about reading to the boys.
9. Following up on #8, work on paying of the library tab, haha. Yea...  Didn't happen...
10. Knit 10 more blocks for my blanket. Didn't even finish one more...  But I started!
11. Buy a new board or card game for my boys once a month and make a point of playing a game every night with them.  We bought UNO this month but only played a couple of times.
12. Positive visualization  I've decided to eliminate drama-filled people from my life, and stay positive.  The visualization isn't necessarily up to me.

So for next month...

1. Keep on job searching. 
2. Scrapbook!  I've got most of my inventory back, and it's about time I use some of this stuff for my personal use! 
3. Keep my apartment clean and start throwing out clutter.
4. Turn off the lights and TV every night.  Yea, I must admit my electricity bill is inflated because turning off the lights and TV makes me lonely.
5. Cook a real meal every night that I have the boys.
6. Read every night, both to the boys and to myself.
7. Knit 3 more blocks for my blanket....  Let's be realistic this month!
8. Buy a new board or card game for my boys once a month and make a point of playing a game every night with them.

DAY 40, Post 4

The first week's assignment for Momentum for Life is to set aside time for Daily Devotion.  While there is more to this than reading the Bible (meditation, journaling and prayer), I decided to take a few minutes and continue reading Genesis this morning.  Slowly, yet surely, I am working my way through the first book.

This morning's reading was about Joseph and the seven years of abundance followed by seven years of famine in Egypt.  I can't explain it, but out of reading about Joseph stock-piling all of the excess crops, I found a deep desire to stop spending money on things that aren't completely necessary.  Like $2 iced coffees at McDonalds. 

I want to build my own, if even very little, stockpile, and become more responsible about money.  I don't want to get the pit in my stomach worrying that my gas has been shut off.  I already operate on a cash-only basis, but I really need to start doing it with my priorities solidly in place, both for me and the boys.

A couple verses from last night's session really struck me...

"Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.  But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Jesus Christ."
Philippians 3:13-14

DAY 40, Post 3

If it hasn't already been written, somebody needs to write a handyman guide for the single woman.  And they need to make sure to include a chapter on how to check if the furnace is working, and if not, how to fix it.  Last night it was colder than normal in my apartment, and even though the thermostat was set to 75 (Yea, I know, very high), it showed the interior temperature at 60.

Panic set in.

With finances being as tight as they are, sometimes bills get paid a little late.  And this month the gas bill was late.  But it WAS paid.  I re-read the bill several times, and a pit formed in my stomach when I read what the reconnect fee would be.  $60.  I won't deny, I don't have $60.  And I don't get paid again until next Friday.

I put on extra layers, double-checked that the boys had enough blankets, and went to sleep.  There's nothing you can do at 2am besides go to sleep.  This morning when I woke up, out of habit, I ran the hot water.  And amazingly enough, it WAS hot!  A sigh of relief partially passed through me, however I called the gas company to make sure my service wasn't disconnected.  And it wasn't!  Thank goodness for small miracles!

So now, after a call to the apartment complex's super, my apartment is warming back up.  It took him about 10 minutes, and I heard that comforting click of the furnace kicking on.  Warm air blew out of the vents, and I became reassured, at least for one more day, that everything is going to be okay.