Take a Bite Out of Life!

I've decided that the cereal "Life" is very much like life itself.  If you let it sit there too long without tasting it, it will get soggy and stale.  So what are you waiting for?  Take a bite!

Last night I decided it was time to get back to knitting my dress.  I think I may have completed four rows (each row takes about 20 minutes to knit, uninterupted), which I feel good about.  I have no doubt that I'll have the dress finished in time, however I am concerned that it won't fit.  Is it a concern with cause?  No.  I have absolutely no reason to think it won't fit.  But if it doesn't, I would, crazily enough, like to knit it again so it does.  And in case you're wondering, either way I'll be selling the dress (custom-made for other people, not MY dress) on Etsy.

Tonight I would like to work on our invites for the small wedding.  We found a style we like on the internet, however the company wants $4+/card for what is essentially a 4x6 picture and envelope.  Using Photoshop I am planning on tweaking the design, making it our own and getting them printed at Walmart or Meijer.  Then we'll mount the pictures on good, Bazzill cardstock and send them out!  What this other company wanted $4.39/each for, we'll be able to make for under $1!  I'll post pictures of it when I'm finished.

I hate to close up a post this way, but I am going to ask for your prayers.  I had a follow-up doctor's appointment yesterday afternoon, and have to wait up to two weeks for biopsy results to know what is going on.  The hardest part(s) for me are 1) I feel fine.  A routine yearly test came back with abnormal results and they send me into a frenzy.  2) While I try to be an optimist, the worst case scenario scares the shit out of me...  And pisses me off.  I know I have to keep my Faith, and keep a positive mind, however I'm not ready to give up what I have.  And I'm not ready to give up on what I want in the future. 

I'm not going to give up!

DAY 355

Today is going much better that yesterday.  I feel like I can breathe and am in more control of what's going on in my life.  Yes, there are still things I want (and have no control over), like making more money, but as long as we have a roof over our head and food in the cabinets I can handle the rest.  And what I don't feel like I can handle, I can pray for.

DAY 354

Extremely anxious...  There's no other way to express how I'm feeling right now.  I know some say that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, however right now He's giving us a whole lot.  And while we're doing the best we can to take control of some things, others are out of our hands altogether.  I don't like not being in control.

In times like this I have to work extra hard to maintain optimism.  Keep my chin up and keep looking at what our final goals are.  And I have to pray.  Pray to God that He puts us on a good path, and hopefully a better one.

I have a Franklin Covey planner now at work.  I got the 7 Habits refill for this year, and every day has a quote.  Monday's was particularly inspirational...

"People with goals succeed because they know where they're going." - Earl Nightingale

I think I need to make higher goals...

Day 170, Post 1

I'll start with a little bit about optimism and keeping a positive attitude.  This weekend was hindered by a dark cloud that I won't really get into, however I'm amazed by the positive attitude that some can keep, despite the rolling thunderstorms that seem to pop up on a random, unpredictable schedule.  While some people in my life have an amazing (and to me un-admirable) ability to pick out all that doesn't work in their lives, those that pick out the good when the thunderstorms roll in have my support through anything.  I certainly don't want or intend to be a fair weather friend, however those who can keep their chins up and keep smiling give me so much more hope about my own abilities to work through the storms in my life.  So keep it, lovely.  Keep smiling.  Keep laughing.  I love you and I'll be there for you through it all.

Moving on...

Being in love, and I mean REALLY in love, has made me feel almost bad for laughing...  er, scoffing... at lines in movies when the actors said how love felt.  Take Sleepless in Seattle for example.  Tom Hanks' character says that when he and his deceased wife would touch it would feel like *magic*.  I remember rolling my eyes at this line numerous times.  "Yea, right." I would think.  Love can't possibly feel like that.  But folks, it does.  And I'm in awe to actually be able to experience it for myself.  I never imagined being with someone who would give me butterflies anytime I thought of him, and even more so whenever I see him.  Someone who makes my arm tingle when he touches it, and makes me feel beautiful..  all the time...

I hope you all can feel this type of love someday if you don't already have it.  To me, being able to give you this would be the best gift possible.  Unfortunately I don't fly around in a diaper with wings on my back and a bow and arrow in my hand.  But if I see cupid and know you're looking I'll send him your way.

DAY 57, Post 3

I've realized I'm tired.  Tired of thinking.  Tired of worrying.  Tired of the drives out there.  But I want it to be worth it.  I don't want to doubt my reasons.  I want to know that I'm doing what I should be doing.  BIG sigh.

On a positive note, my boys are home with me.  Right now they are sharing Goldfish with Penny and asking what we're having for dinner.  And I don't have a clue.  Honestly, I don't feel like cooking.  And I worked until 3pm and had my employee meal when my shift was over so I'm not really hungry. 

DAY 54, Post 4

I took the boys' clothes over to DH's house and then got back in my car and started driving.  It was about the time that I got to the square that I realized, "What am I doing?"  I drove around the square and drove back home.  And here I am...

I don't like being worried.  I want to send a text to find out how he's doing.  But I can't.  I want to send an email.  But I won't.  I want to so terribly, but I won't.  I dread this is his last couple of days with his daughter, and I'm not going to interupt that...  Even if he's not checking his email.

So I'll sit here, watch TV and knit.  I'm working on the pocket that goes on the front of the sweater.  I'm thinking of finishing it, sewing it to the front and then stuffing it with Cellas.  What good is a pocket if there's nothing worthwhile inside?  Sure, I'd love for my hands to be inside, but...  Big sigh.

DAY 51, Post 5

I'm sitting in the doctor's office... Again... But thankfully this time it's only for a follow-up.

I decided to go to work, for lunch, today. It's funny... I'm an "addict." That's probably how I got the job, with some help from others, but four days has proven to be too difficult to pass by without some of that yummy goodness.

After lunch I went to the park and read the Bible and "Our Daily Bread", an inspirational book Aunt Flushy sent me. I really did find it inspirational. Each day has a recommended Bible passage to read, and today this one got me...

Peter 1:6-9...

"In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

On my way to the doctor's office I decided to charge my old phone, which is in DH's name. I was looking through some of the text messages (yes, while driving) and found some that REALLY cheered me up. And I decided that although I get down, I'm not giving up. Some things are NOT worth giving up on.