I'll Whistle While I Work

I arrived at work nearly an hour and a half early this morning.  Why?  Thanks to the incredibly supportive man in my life, I fell asleep on the couch at 7pm last night and slept right through, besides being woken to go to bed.  This morning I feel COMPLETELY refreshed, alert and ready to go.  That feeling in itself is refreshing.  When I fall asleep at 7, however, I start waking up around 3am, wondering when the alarm is going to go off.  By 5am I gave up sleeping and decided to make it an early day at work.

When I arrived, the first email I saw was K-Love's Encouraging Word of the Day, and how completely appropriate it was, for me at least...

"Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people." ~Colossians 3:23

I must admit, I've become lazy.  At work, at home, in life in general.  And I need to change that.  I don't focus on what I don't have, but when I'm not completely satisfied with what I do have (my job, despite loving the people and being great at it), I put it on the side or back burner and choose to focus on other things.

But maybe that's why I'm not being presented with an opportunity that I would enjoy more.  Perhaps it's because I'm not working as hard as I can at what I do have, and making the most of it.  Perhaps I need to "whistle while I work" and that will be the key to opening more doors.

Besides work, I have been exploring other opportunities.  Dave will be starting school in the next couple of weeks (going for his Bachelors in Game Art and Design!), and hearing him talk about it makes me think about going back myself to finish my Bachelors in Graphic Design.  No, the thought of taking out more student loans does NOT excite me, however at least payment on my current loans would stop until I wrapped up the next degree.  And where I live now is not an interior design mecca.  Besides doing free-lance work, I do not see myself finding a job in the field I was formerly educated in. 

Today I believe I'll focus on doing the best I can at everything I do, and stop being lazy and avoiding what I don't particularly want to do.

Every Inch of Life...

More nights than not I can be found on my side of the couch, with Penny (the dog) in my lap, knitting.  Dave will be on the other side of the couch, his PS3 controller in his hands, playing the game of the moment.  Right now it's Skyrim.  We'll both have our legs stretched out down the couch, intertwined with each other, and we'll both look up occasionally to find the other one staring at us.  It's not a bad stare.  It's a fascinating, "I love that person, no matter what s/he is doing" stare.  Now that the wedding dress is getting longer, Dave has been picking it up, feeling it, and rubbing his face on it because it smells like me.  I think it's sweet.  Last night, however, he said something that really struck me.  He said, "You know, you have touched EVERY inch of this dress." 

Yea, I have.

While I'm not saying that a store-bought wedding dress doesn't mean as much as the one I'm knitting, and I'm not saying that I'm not going to buy one for the big wedding/reception next year, however I AM just really (don't know what word I want) that I have touched every 1/4 inch of this dress!  It makes it SO personal!

I can't say that I have touched as much of any other aspect of my life as I have my dress.  I've been reviewing my finances on a nearly-daily basis since last May, however I can't say I'm touching every piece of my finances when I can't afford to pay all my bills.  And by discussing my dress, I realize I need to be just as involved in my boys' lives as I am in the construction of this dress.  Am I a good mom (in my opinion)?  Yes, I believe I'm a GREAT mom.  However there are always ways a parent can improve.  And I'm going to find them.  And the same goes for being a mate for Dave. 

*************************

Later...  I need a nap.  And I need to be at home.  The work week needs to end...  Fast...

DAY 358

This was yesterday's post, written in my Day Planner...

As I got ready for work this morning, I realized that in the past year I have learned how to live.  By live I don't mean perform the actions necessary in life.  I mean perform them and appreciate them, and remember the ones that matter don't stress about the ones that don't.

Thing 1 is a top-knotch diddle-dwadler in the morning.  It doesn't matter what time he wakes up and how little he has to do, he can still be the last one out the door in the morning.  Despite how late I may be running, however, I always have time for a hug and a kiss when dropping the boys off at school.  Do I use my "flex time" on days I have the boys?  You bet I do!  But those extra minutes for hugs and kisses are well worth it!

Don't forget how to live.  Fill your life with memories of meaningful moments, regardless of how late you're running every morning.

DAY 355, Post 2

While I wrote earlier that today is going better than yesterday, I decided that I have to add that I'm finding it ridiculously difficult to get any work done.  I'm sitting at work more or less staring at screen wondering what I should/have to do next.  It doesn't really help that I'm on top of all the work that's come in and have already gotten 99.9 percent of my work done.  Looking around my cubicle, all I can really see that needs done is that my desk should be wiped down.  But I really don't feel like it.

Dave's packed my lunch for the past couple of days, and after eating I start feeling really sleepy shortly thereafter.  I wish I could unfold a sleeping bag under my desk and take a nap (I type, yawning).

I probably shouldn't be admitting this, but what often fills my day is random thoughts.  I mean, right now I'm staring at my water bottle wondering how many ounces are in a gallon.  Do you know?  (Looking on google.com to find out)  128 fl. oz. are in a gallon.  So...  I have a 32 fl. oz. water bottle and I drink at least two a day.  No wonder another portion of my day is filled with trips to the ladies room!

But with that said, it's time to fill my water bottle back up for the third time today, haha.

Day 323

I've come to the realization that I do NOT like slow days at work. While some people may enjoy the fact that they can theoretically do what they want, I find my eyes wanting to close, and myself endlessly daydreaming about what I'd rather be doing. I like being busy. No, I don't like getting down to the wire with tasks that need to be done, but I really enjoy having a stream of projects to work on.

The boys have been with their dad since Wednesday and do not come home to Dave and I until Christmas Day (Sunday) at 3pm. I miss them. We enjoy the quiet, don't get me wrong, however... After a day or so it's almost too quiet.

Dave can't wait to give me my Christmas presents, and I can't wait to see Dave and the boys open theirs. The materialistic aura around Christmas continues to trouble me, however I love to give. Honestly, I have everything I could possibly want. If there were no presents under the tree for me, I would be perfectly ok with that.

Alright, I am going to move on to pretending I'm working on something else...  In all reality, I'm probably listening to Tony Robbins and trying to develop a way to become financially successful.  :-)

Day 226

Monday got my week off to a bumpy start but Tuesday seems to be starting much better.  The boys even got up before me this morning and were ready to leave for daycare by 7:30, which...  Got me to work EARLY!

This morning Dave sent me a quote request he got at his new job.  A customer requested multiples of certain items, and while my first response was "Oh my goodness!", at second glance I couldn't help but notice that the customer wrote (s)he "needed" a quote for these items.  It never ceases to amaze me what people think they need.  And when I think about it, "Need" is really such a strong word.  Think about it.  What do you REALLY need?  Food?  Water?  Clothing or some variation of?  And some type of shelter?  But isn't that it?

DH used to say "I need a #1..." when we went through the McDonalds drive through, and I found it obnoxious then.  I think now I realize that people saying "I need..." is one of my few pet peeves.  I challenge you, from here on out, to listen to yourself when you're asking for something.  Are you polite?  Do you say "please" and "thank you"?  Try it.  You might surprise yourself.

Day 221, Post 1

Wow, I can hardly believe it's been well over a month since I posted last.  Yes, I'm alive and VERY well, as are the boys and Dave.  We've been through some changes, however they appear to all be for the better and for that I'm very grateful.

Dave started a new job at the end of August which he really seems to enjoy.  While it's not physically exhausting, it challenges him mentally and keeps him interested.  It's further than his previous (still my current) 1/4 mile commute, but the roads are good and they will be well plowed in the winter. 

Thing 2 started Kindergarten and Thing 1 Third Grade several weeks ago.  Both are enjoying school very much, and are keeping themselves out of trouble.  Better yet, both are making friends in our neighborhood and enjoying playing outside.  Numerous Nerf battles have taken place, and the boys come home caked in mud but they LOVE it.  And I love seeing them happy.

We've started attending a new church, after our old church became too focused on money for our preferences.  And we really like it.  On the first day we attended, the door attendant recognized we were new and introduced himself, and the family sitting in front of us turned around and introduced themselves.  And better yet, I know people who go there.  Dave doesn't know them really, but he will.  I feel like, and I believe Dave does as well, that we've finally found a home church.  And it's a wonderful feeling.

And a more wonderful feeling is just being happy.  EXTREMELY happy.  No matter what happens in my day, in our day, I know/we know we can handle it.  And that feeling alone is amazing.

Day 164, Post 1

Today has already been a whirlwind day.  And it's probably going to get even more so considering I just drank a 6-hour energy shot and I'm currently nursing an AMP energy drink.  (Can you tell I was feeling completely exhausted?)

To start the day off, Thing 2 beat me at a game of Backgammon (almost) fair-and-square before school.  I found out my paycheck was deposited so I went to the ATM to get money for Dave and I to buy gas and my card was rejected as invalid.  Invalid??  I called the bank and because I changed my last name due to the divorce, a new ATM card was issued a month ago.  I just never opened the envelope.  Doh.

So home I went, and then to Speedway to buy gas.  Yea...  I paid for $15, pulled the handle so it would pump while I was taking care of trash and the next thing I know, my car has $21+ in gas.  And I'm an honest person so I went back in to take care of the balance I owed, but the girl at the cash register couldn't figure it out and customer comp'd the difference for me.  Two gallons of free gas?!?  I'll take it!

Then, an hour after I got to work there was a fire alarm and the fire truck came so...  A nice ten minute break was had.

But I was crashing...  Hard...  I don't know why, but I was completely exhausted and coffee wasn't working so I went out during lunch to buy an energy shot.  I decided while I was out to buy new headphones (Slacker.com keeps me going during the day and my headphones broke) at Meijer and while checking out, I had a feeling to buy two scratch-off lottery tickets for $1 each.  And I won $4!

This afternoon I am getting my haircut for the first time since my birthday, and I am REALLY looking forward to it.  While I know I could go to Great Clips and spend $15, haircuts by my favorite local stylist are the one luxury that I really allow myself.  I am anything but a materialistic person as far as I'm concerned, but damn...  A good haircut complete with a shampoo and style just feels SO great sometimes.

Dave reminds me occasionally that God will provide what we need, but today He is being VERY good to me!  It's a GREAT day!  Thank you!

DAY 163, Post 1

It never ceases to amaze me how completely miserable some people are willing to be 24/7.  Whether they be friends, family, exes or co-workers, I just want to smack them into a state of contented bliss.  Even during my lowest times, I did not allow myself to walk around in a state where I allowed myself to be a bitch to everyone around me.

The other night DH started a line of bullying interoggation with Thing 1 while on the phone with him.  I heard the conversation and decided I needed to put an end to it.  DH is convinced he knows more about what goes on in my house than I do and has proceeded to tell the boys how things work at MY house.  To me, this is not acceptable.  When the boys are with me or on the phone with me I want them to be comfortable, not feel like they are on the witness stand.  They have no reason to be in the middle of a battle between their dad and I, and as far as I'm concerned, there shouldn't be a battle.  We would be able to co-exist peacefully for the sake of our boys.  But for him, that is not possible.

Today there is a co-worker (not in my office) who has decided to be rather testy via emails.  To give you background, inter-office mail lost an envelope that was mailed from me to her two weeks ago.  My dad taught me to never burn bridges, but apparently this woman has never heard of this strategy and it's rather unfortunate. 

Dave shared a story with me about how he blessed a former co-worker with niceties (is that spelled properly?) because she was such a sour woman.  The pissier she was, the nicer Dave would be to her.  And today and this week that is how I am trying to handle the sour people in my life.  Well, except with DH.  Dave said the best we can do is pray for him, and I agree.

DAY 137, Post 1

I think the hardest part of my job is knowing what to do when I have nothing to do.  Right now is obviously one of those moments.  At no previous job has my desk ever been cleaner than my desk is right now.  Is there clutter on it?  Yes.  But only of the kind that my co-workers need and I can't put in a drawer that may be locked when they go to get it.  So...  The Franklin Covey puncher for organizer pages stays on my desk, taking up a valuable two-square-feet..

A definite perk of this job is the plethora of K-Cup options for the Keurig machine in the break rooms.  With probably a minimum of 20 flavors, I've been able to try my tongue at them without having to buy a whole box at the grocery store.  At $7.99/box, I would hate to get a box home and discover upon the first sip that I detest the flavor.  Thanks to Dave and his sweet tooth, I've started putting sugar in my coffee again and have been able to stomach every flavor the break room has to offer.

And the highlights of my job?!  The continued ability to have lunch with Dave every day.  And today we carpooled.  (Can it be considered carpooling when we only drive a quarter-mile at most to work?)  Unfortunately the lunches and carpooling will stop next week when his schedule moves up an hour-and-a-half, but we'll still be able to see each other on breaks. 

This is the boys' weekend with their Dad, quite appropriately considering it's Father's Day weekend, and Dave and I are enjoying a little bit of quiet already.  Weekends begin Wednesday night and don't end until I pick them up after work on Monday.  I can't fully figure out what to do for Dave for Father's Day though.  K is across the ocean, and my bank account is suffering, but I still want to do something special for him.  He is an amazing father to his daughter, an amazing role-model for my boys, and an amazing person altogether.  I just want him to have an amazing day.

Day 135, Post 1

Dave so greatly reminded me today that sometimes things get worse before they get better. And I needed that reminded, especially when financially things got worse today on the brink of getting better.

Ill admit, I've been playing roulette for the past couple of months in regards to what bill(s) had to be paid and which could wait. And today the gas company caught up to me. But as pissed as I am (at myself and my lack of funds), I have to remind myself of all the positives. 1) its not winter and we don't need heat 2) Dave and I both now have GOOD jobs and this is the last month of this poorness 3) the electricity is still on 4) the rent is paid.

So, now comes the struggle of figuring out how and when to get the gas turned back on. I HATE asking for help. And while you may wonder why Dave isn't paying it, ill tell you he would x's 5 if he could. But his job just started last week, and after 2 months of being unemployed, you can imagine what his bank account looks like. Sadly, mine isn't any better.

But as Monty Python sang...

Always look on the bright side of life!

I'll suck it up and ask for help one last time, knowing that next month we'll be on the up and up... Or at least our bank accounts will be. Dave, the boys and I are already well on the up and up. And it just hit me that despite the financial stresses, I really couldn't be happier. And that feels better than words can express.

DAY 129, Post 1

So there's been a few days since my last post. Why? Because I, of all people, was asked to help write the office internet policy. And one of the many topics discussed is that we're not supposed to blog. Am I surprised? No. However in the times when I don't have work to do, it would be nice to be able to jump on here and write a few lines.

Today was an amazing day, and in many ways prayers were answered. Dave got a job today and will be starting tomorrow... In the same building as me. We will work in different parts of the building, but... WoW!

We're both tired and getting ready for bed but I couldn't go to sleep without sharing the good news.

Good night and God bless!

DAY 108, Post 1

Although mentally exhausting, these past two days at work have been my favorite so far.  I've barely had a dull moment, and in some ways I feel like I'm back working in NYC again.  But unlike in NYC, even when the workload is hectic, there are still plenty of smiling faces and friendly attitudes.

I find it funny that the woman at the temp agency who hired me asked me if I thought I could handle working with nine men.  Honestly, I don't think I could handle working with nine women!  These guys are great to work with and keep me laughing.  And unlike CMG, I'm in my first week and I haven't dreaded coming to work once.  Do I want to be at home curled up with Dave?  YEA!  But I don't dread being at work.  And that feels GREAT!

DAY 107, Post 2

I'm beginning to think that my new job is God's way of telling me that I should have followed in my parents' footsteps and gone to school for accounting.  Somehow the Administrative Assistant position here includes the special added responsibility of scouring through dozens of tabs on Excel spreadsheets to find where miniscule cost savings figures have come from.  And while I normally enjoy detail orientated tasks, the one I've been working on for the past two days is making my eyes cross and blood boil.  I'm just glad I didn't listen to my first instinct last night and take my work home with me, as I probably would have smashed the laptop before the night was over.

Tonight Thing 2 is supposed to have a T-Ball game, a make-up game for one that was previously rained out.  And it's raining...  Again.  And as horrible as it may sound, I find myself relieved.  DH has been less than cordial at any of the games, and at last Friday night's make-up game (also for Thing 2), Dave was just about to throw him a punch.  But I've already reminded Dave, that he's never been in jail, and DH is not an acceptable reason (not that any is) to make a visit there.  Plus, I don't have money to bail him out, haha.

I'm a few weeks behind in reading "Our Daily Bread," however when I go home for lunch I'm going to have to show Dave today's to read.  The end reads,

"Instead of returning injury and insult, may we live by Christ-honoring and Spirit-empowered alternatives: Live at peace with everyone, submit to a spiritual mediator, and leave it in the hands of authorities and, most of all, in God's hands."

Perhaps DH will someday get tired of being ignored through his insults and tirades, or perhaps I'll have to get a restraining order against him, but in the meantime, I really do have to remember, for Dave and my sake, that we can not take any action except no action.

DAY 102, Post 2

I can feel my belly growing...  The delicacies prepared by Dave in the kitchen and on the grill are already impacting my weight.  I can feel it.  And it's funny...  I know it's happening because a dress I bought two weeks ago (and am wearing for the first time today) doesn't fit as well around the boobs as it did before.  No, I'm not pregnant.  BUT, I did notice that when I lost weight I lost it in my boobs.  Hmmm...

Today for lunch Dave made barbeque pork chop sandwiches and hot italian sausages on the grill.  I'm afraid I won't make it through the afternoon at work due to falling asleep due to a full-belly enduced euphoria.  The yummy deliciousness is sitting in my stomach, and it's a very good thing there's not a seam running down the front of my dress or I'd be afraid it would split.

Tonight after work Dave and I will be going to play pool with my co-workers.  The guys, minus the manager and assistant manager, have a regular Thursday night weekly outing set up and apparently I'm worthy enough to be invited, haha.  It probably helps that I was able to connect with JM, one of my co-workers, almost immediately by discussing WoW with him. 



Last night Dave and I went down to Beavercreek to go to the Fairfield Mall as well as DSW and Old Navy.  Dave introduced me to Bourbon Chicken (was that the name?) at Cajun Ming, and then I introduced him to Williams Sonoma.  I think the latter overwhelmed him a bit.  I'm not surprised, however, considering the store is packed full of high-quality, over-priced cooking tools.  If I could buy him one of everything, I would.



I was tickled (Pink, haha) to find that Gap had stock of my favorite perfume, "So Pink", still on their shelves.  Unfortunately it's been discontinued, so I'll soon have to find a new fragrance to wear.  Not only do I love it, but Dave as well to the point that he asked me to spray it up under the dashboard in the car on the way home.  Within seconds the aroma of "So Pink" filled the car.  It was lovely, I won't deny, but even more beautiful was the huge smile it put on his face.  Ahhh, how I LOVE seeing his smiles.



I had trouble falling asleep last night, but for a good reason, rather than bad.  I honestly laid there thinking, "Did I die?  Am I in heaven?"  I was going to ask Dave to pinch me, however I decided instead to lie there enjoying being wrapped up in his arms and listening to his soft snoring.  Oh how love is such a beautiful thing!

DAY 102, Post 2

I can feel my belly growing...  The delicacies prepared by Dave in the kitchen and on the grill are already impacting my weight.  I can feel it.  And it's funny...  I know it's happening because a dress I bought two weeks ago (and am wearing for the first time today) doesn't fit as well around the boobs as it did before.  No, I'm not pregnant.  BUT, I did notice that when I lost weight I lost it in my boobs.  Hmmm...

Today for lunch Dave made barbeque pork chop sandwiches and hot italian sausages on the grill.  I'm afraid I won't make it through the afternoon at work due to falling asleep due to a full-belly enduced euphoria.  The yummy deliciousness is sitting in my stomach, and it's a very good thing there's not a seam running down the front of my dress or I'd be afraid it would split.

Tonight after work Dave and I will be going to play pool with my co-workers.  The guys, minus the manager and assistant manager, have a regular Thursday night weekly outing set up and apparently I'm worthy enough to be invited, haha.  It probably helps that I was able to connect with JM, one of my co-workers, almost immediately by discussing WoW with him. 

Last night Dave and I went down to Beavercreek to go to the Fairfield Mall as well as DSW and Old Navy.  Dave introduced me to Bourbon Chicken (was that the name?) at Cajun Ming, and then I introduced him to Williams Sonoma.  I think the latter overwhelmed him a bit.  I'm not surprised, however, considering the store is packed full of high-quality, over-priced cooking tools.  If I could buy him one of everything, I would.

I was tickled (Pink, haha) to find that Gap had stock of my favorite perfume, "So Pink", still on their shelves.  Unfortunately it's been discontinued, so I'll soon have to find a new fragrance to wear.  Not only do I love it, but Dave as well to the point that he asked me to spray it up under the dashboard in the car on the way home.  Within seconds the aroma of "So Pink" filled the car.  It was lovely, I won't deny, but even more beautiful was the huge smile it put on his face.  Ahhh, how I LOVE seeing his smiles.

I had trouble falling asleep last night, but for a good reason, rather than bad.  I honestly laid there thinking, "Did I die?  Am I in heaven?"  I was going to ask Dave to pinch me, however I decided instead to lie there enjoying being wrapped up in his arms and listening to his soft snoring.  Oh how love is such a beautiful thing!

DAY 101, Post 1

I love my new job.  LOVE it.  But the hours between 2 and 4pm seem to drag unmercilessly.  And even worse are the days (like today) when I have eaten a big lunch and my eyes just want to keep crossing.  Today the Mountain Dew and coffee don't seem to be helping either.  So...  I blog.

Yes, I know I shouldn't be doing this from work, but I have a dilemma as far as work is concerned.  I'm GREAT at my job.  And I'm quick to get my work done, which leaves me with a void in my To-Do pile.  Currently I have work to do, however I'm waiting for responses from my co-workers before I can continue on any of it.  And I've already cleaned my desk, including spraying it with cleaner, and my e-mail inbox.  And I've started on a Power Point presentation for the weekly Monday Morning meeting, even though my pre-decessors didn't normally work on it until Friday.  But, yes...  I get satisfaction out of surprising people with the news that my work is already finished...  Correctly...  And ahead of schedule.

Yesterday Dave and I bought a grill and last night he made DELICIOUS beef ribs for dinner.  I've never had beef ribs before, and even Mr. Picky Eater Thing 2 loved them!  I have to say however, that I had absolutely no clue how much buying a Propane tank cost!  Speedway charged over $50 for the tank (because we needed to buy a new tank, not just exchange an empty for a filled), but on a positive note, they give 1000 speedway points with a tank purchase.  Now if I only knew how to cash in Speedway points...  Hmmm...

Tonight is the first of our two much appreciated (regular) nights off from the boys of the week.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my boys.  However, the quiet in the house for those two nights is...  Welcomed with open arms...  And I will say that I know I like it even more because I know their dad won't be calling to talk to them, even though he already saw them earlier in the day.  Perhaps I'll come across as uncaring, but on the nights when he has them, I try to give him HIS time with them without interuptions from me.  But he doesn't look at it that way.  And I feel he intrudes on my time with the boys.  And unfortunately for the boys (and him I guess), they don't want to talk to him when he calls.  But he gives attitude to me and them if they don't talk to him, so I am forced to give them no option but to talk to him.  And that sucks.

Alright..  Back to work.

DAY 88, Post 1

Alrighty then! It's time I fill you in on all the greatness in my life in the last week!

I gave in. Last Tuesday I decided I just couldn't ignore my feelings. I had told myself, him (Dave aka CL-WoW) and others over and over that there was no way we met to just spend two months together... And I was right... And he knew it too...

I decided to make an Easter basket for him, putting egg related messages on 31 Cellas, his favorite candy treat, and putting them in plastic Easter eggs. I drove out there, drove by his house and his car wasn't there. So I drove to the mall. When I was pulling through the mall parking lot, I saw him pulling out of a restaurant across the street and head back to his house. I stopped my car, psyched myself back up and decided to go for it.

But it wasn't that easy. I sat outside his house in my car for a couple minutes and then did a "Beep Beep." But he didn't come out. So after a few more minutes and writing up a bunch more post-its, I walked to the door and knocked. And he answered. And he SMILED!

The post-it on my pointer finger said "Can I have two minutes?". And he said of course. The next finger said "I won't say anything unless it's ok with you.". He said "Of course its ok if you talk!" And talk we did. And have. And everything we've both felt has now been said... And will continue being said...

There's no shortage of smiles, laughter or "I love you's" in my life now.

To make this past week even better, I started my new job, and today actually quit the old one. My new job is amazing. Great people, great environment, and despite wanting to be home with Dave, the work day flies. And I love that. I love having a job I enjoy and am good at.

And as for Dave, he is looking to get a job here and has been a... Ray of sunshine in my life for the last week. It's been amazing to come home and see him here. The smiles, laughter, kisses, hugs and "I love yous" are everthing I could ask for, especially when they are coming from the man I want to spend forever with.

I was also blessed with a visit with my Mom and Aunt Flushy this past weekend. I now have real furniture in my apartment and was lucky enough to be accompanied by these two wonderful women and Dave when I was re-affirmed on this past (Easter)Sunday.

Oh... I am SOOO blessed!

DAY 77, Post 2

I'm not feeling it today. I've turned to my Bible and prayer notebook to try to find refuge from all of my thoughts. But it's not working.

I have so many "why" questions on my mind, but I know I can't ask for or search for answers. When they are ready to present themselves they will. But God, I wish the answers would present themselves sooner rather than later.

This will be an... Interesting... Week... It will be my last full week at CMG as my job at AH starts a week from Monday. And next weekend I'll have some real furniture in my apartment finally, thanks to Mom and Aunt Flushy. AND... Next Sunday is my re-affirmation at Ginghamsburg.

Today was a rough day. Check out how I described an experience at the park in an email...

"I took the boys and Penny to the park today after church and I sat there reading my Bible... And then I heard (Thing 2) scream. He came running at me with a bloody nose and dirt and mulch all over his back.

"Some kid (and you better believe I let him and the adults he was with have it) told (Thing 2) he needed to make a sacrifice for him. A sacrifice,... What the hell does a child (Thing 2's) age or even (Thing 1's) age know about the word "sacrifice"?

"But the conversation in the car shocked me. (Thing 1) asked me what the word sacrifice means, and (Thing 2) said "to get hurt so someone else doesn't have to." I guess (Thing 2) has been listening at church when Pastor Mike says that Jesus sacrificed himself on the cross for all of our sins."

The rest of this email doesn't help with my current attitude or my thought pattern today. I'll leave this post at that.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

DAY 75, Post 2

Wow... I am overjoyed right now! I got the job and I start a week from Monday! Its a 50% pay increase, 40 hours a week, and a total... I don't even know how to describe how I'm feeling!

On a side note... I had a first date last night. It went GREAT and I look forward to seeing him again!