Stepping away from typing up yesterday's post (a day late) I'm faced with a completely new set of feelings. While I stand by yesteday's thoughts that I have learned how to live, and that every moment needs to be appreciated and cherished, it takes on a completely new meaning to me.
While there are no results yet, I received word from a doctor yesterday that the results from a routine exam came back abnormal and that further testing and a biopsy are necessary. Without going into too much detail, the outcome from this (if negative) could impact Dave and my ability to have children of our own, which we very much would like to do. And while I am trying to stay positive, the "What-if's" sometimes get the best of me.
A follow up exam was scheduled for February 15, however I decided to call today and see if the doctor had had any cancellations. My favorite doctor in the office had a cancellation tomorrow at 2:15pm and I jumped on it. With our wedding on the horizon, I would like to know the results sooner rather than later. I don't like being on edge with the boys, and last night and this morning I was EXTREMELY irritable towards both of them, a fact which I am NOT proud of. I have taken pride in my ability to keep a level head with them in most situations, and last night and this morning I most certainly did not.
On the flip side, this has certainly reinforced yesterday's post... For me at least. Cherish every moment. Don't (or try not to) stress over the things you can't control. And take time for hugs and kisses, no matter how late you're running. It's these moments you will and want to remember.
I brought Dave's headphones to work today so that I can listen to K-Love and the first song I heard when I turned it on was "Hope Now" by Addison Road. The chorus really got to me...
Everything rides on hope now
Everything runs on Faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free.
In the past year I have been given MANY blessings, including a wonderful man who loves me and a renewed relationship with God, who I can praise and give thanks to everyday, despite everything I may or may not be experiencing. He has a path for me. I just have to remember to be patient to find out what that path is and where it will take me.
Showing posts with label Kisses. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kisses. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
DAY 358
This was yesterday's post, written in my Day Planner...
As I got ready for work this morning, I realized that in the past year I have learned how to live. By live I don't mean perform the actions necessary in life. I mean perform them and appreciate them, and remember the ones that matter don't stress about the ones that don't.
Thing 1 is a top-knotch diddle-dwadler in the morning. It doesn't matter what time he wakes up and how little he has to do, he can still be the last one out the door in the morning. Despite how late I may be running, however, I always have time for a hug and a kiss when dropping the boys off at school. Do I use my "flex time" on days I have the boys? You bet I do! But those extra minutes for hugs and kisses are well worth it!
Don't forget how to live. Fill your life with memories of meaningful moments, regardless of how late you're running every morning.
As I got ready for work this morning, I realized that in the past year I have learned how to live. By live I don't mean perform the actions necessary in life. I mean perform them and appreciate them, and remember the ones that matter don't stress about the ones that don't.
Thing 1 is a top-knotch diddle-dwadler in the morning. It doesn't matter what time he wakes up and how little he has to do, he can still be the last one out the door in the morning. Despite how late I may be running, however, I always have time for a hug and a kiss when dropping the boys off at school. Do I use my "flex time" on days I have the boys? You bet I do! But those extra minutes for hugs and kisses are well worth it!
Don't forget how to live. Fill your life with memories of meaningful moments, regardless of how late you're running every morning.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
DAY 179, Post 1
It's amazing how after years of wanting little things and never getting them and eventually giving up, that I realize I'm now getting those things. And those little things all add up to a big, remarkable, wonderful happiness.
Every day before and after work the simple act of a hug and kiss from or to Dave just makes the day better. And the texts during the day to see how each other is doing reminds us how much we care about each other. The zzzziinnnggg that my phone makes when a text message from him comes in makes me smile and my heart warm every time I hear it.
I am not a materialistic person by any means, but on the flip side, I, like Dave, like to spoil our loved ones. Even if it's just by buying each others' favorite candy while we're at the gas station, we just let each other know that they are never far from our thoughts. I don't need or want flowers, jewelry or expensive gifts. It's like Kenny Rogers sang...
Buy me a rose
Call me from work
Open the door for me for me, what would it hurt?
Show me you love me by the look in your eyes
These are the little things
That mean the most in my life
... And I have the little things that mean the most in my life.
XOXOXO
Every day before and after work the simple act of a hug and kiss from or to Dave just makes the day better. And the texts during the day to see how each other is doing reminds us how much we care about each other. The zzzziinnnggg that my phone makes when a text message from him comes in makes me smile and my heart warm every time I hear it.
I am not a materialistic person by any means, but on the flip side, I, like Dave, like to spoil our loved ones. Even if it's just by buying each others' favorite candy while we're at the gas station, we just let each other know that they are never far from our thoughts. I don't need or want flowers, jewelry or expensive gifts. It's like Kenny Rogers sang...
Buy me a rose
Call me from work
Open the door for me for me, what would it hurt?
Show me you love me by the look in your eyes
These are the little things
That mean the most in my life
... And I have the little things that mean the most in my life.
XOXOXO
Friday, July 1, 2011
Day 152, Post 1
Yes, I am at work. I'm continuing to work on a special project with a couple of great co-workers, however today is review day and... It gets a bit boring. Except for when one of them starts tapping out sitcom theme songs on the table and a google search for the actual theme song follows. That's what's happening now.
I talked to the boys last night (they are at their dad's), and I feel bad for their dad. Why? At the end of the conversation they wanted to know when they are coming back to my house and wanted to blow me kisses. They don't do that during conversations with their dad, but that's because he hasn't earned the respect from them to receive that type of treatment. And that sucks.
Dave and I are continuing to work wonderfully as a team. Last night we relished in the fact that we paid the rent not only on-time, but a day early. While this may seem like a small accomplishment to some, it's huge to us. Although it will be slow-going, we see in our near future that all bills (well, all household bills, not my personal debt) will be caught up, on time, and paid on a timely basis. And that's a WONDERFUL feeling. While in the past I hated with a passion the necessary task of balancing my checkbook... And refused to do it... Now I have an Excel file that breaks down all my spending into categories and I check my bank account on a daily basis. Plus, I have a yearly tab which shows the spending per category from one month to the next and is truly an eye-opener. I have to remember that the month of May included a road-trip for the four of us back to New York, but the amount I/we spent eating out was ridiculous!
I can't figure out how to include my spreadsheet (my figures excluded) to this post, but if you would like the file to use for yourself, let me know!
I talked to the boys last night (they are at their dad's), and I feel bad for their dad. Why? At the end of the conversation they wanted to know when they are coming back to my house and wanted to blow me kisses. They don't do that during conversations with their dad, but that's because he hasn't earned the respect from them to receive that type of treatment. And that sucks.
Dave and I are continuing to work wonderfully as a team. Last night we relished in the fact that we paid the rent not only on-time, but a day early. While this may seem like a small accomplishment to some, it's huge to us. Although it will be slow-going, we see in our near future that all bills (well, all household bills, not my personal debt) will be caught up, on time, and paid on a timely basis. And that's a WONDERFUL feeling. While in the past I hated with a passion the necessary task of balancing my checkbook... And refused to do it... Now I have an Excel file that breaks down all my spending into categories and I check my bank account on a daily basis. Plus, I have a yearly tab which shows the spending per category from one month to the next and is truly an eye-opener. I have to remember that the month of May included a road-trip for the four of us back to New York, but the amount I/we spent eating out was ridiculous!
I can't figure out how to include my spreadsheet (my figures excluded) to this post, but if you would like the file to use for yourself, let me know!
Monday, June 27, 2011
Day 148, Post 1
I'm sitting at Thing 2's final tee-ball game of the season, enjoying it immensely because his dad isn't here to bring the night down with his negativity. The only damp part of the evening is the wet in my hair and on my shirt from the Mountain Dew I doused myself with while getting out of the car.
Thing 2 and I had quite the conversation on the way to the ball field. It revolved around God and ended with a discussion about death and heaven. We promised each other that whoever dies first will watch down over the other and will give hugs and kisses to the other when he/she dies and joins them. I made him promise that if I die before him that he won't be too sad because he'll see me again, and he made me promise the same. It's amazing how deep a conversation with a five-year-old can be.
The boys have both been questioning Dave and I about step-parents and about us getting married. While neither of us is ready (whether financially, physically and/or mentally), I have no doubt that it is in our future. Honestly, the only things stopping me are my bankruptcy (I don't want to have to include him because he's my spouse) and the fact that his daughter is not here. I told Dave last week that if/when we get married, I will NOT do it unless she is there. His response? He would like to include her IN the wedding, like as the flower girl. BIG happy sigh.
Thing 2 and I had quite the conversation on the way to the ball field. It revolved around God and ended with a discussion about death and heaven. We promised each other that whoever dies first will watch down over the other and will give hugs and kisses to the other when he/she dies and joins them. I made him promise that if I die before him that he won't be too sad because he'll see me again, and he made me promise the same. It's amazing how deep a conversation with a five-year-old can be.
The boys have both been questioning Dave and I about step-parents and about us getting married. While neither of us is ready (whether financially, physically and/or mentally), I have no doubt that it is in our future. Honestly, the only things stopping me are my bankruptcy (I don't want to have to include him because he's my spouse) and the fact that his daughter is not here. I told Dave last week that if/when we get married, I will NOT do it unless she is there. His response? He would like to include her IN the wedding, like as the flower girl. BIG happy sigh.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
DAY 88, Post 1
Alrighty then! It's time I fill you in on all the greatness in my life in the last week!
I gave in. Last Tuesday I decided I just couldn't ignore my feelings. I had told myself, him (Dave aka CL-WoW) and others over and over that there was no way we met to just spend two months together... And I was right... And he knew it too...
I decided to make an Easter basket for him, putting egg related messages on 31 Cellas, his favorite candy treat, and putting them in plastic Easter eggs. I drove out there, drove by his house and his car wasn't there. So I drove to the mall. When I was pulling through the mall parking lot, I saw him pulling out of a restaurant across the street and head back to his house. I stopped my car, psyched myself back up and decided to go for it.
But it wasn't that easy. I sat outside his house in my car for a couple minutes and then did a "Beep Beep." But he didn't come out. So after a few more minutes and writing up a bunch more post-its, I walked to the door and knocked. And he answered. And he SMILED!
The post-it on my pointer finger said "Can I have two minutes?". And he said of course. The next finger said "I won't say anything unless it's ok with you.". He said "Of course its ok if you talk!" And talk we did. And have. And everything we've both felt has now been said... And will continue being said...
There's no shortage of smiles, laughter or "I love you's" in my life now.
To make this past week even better, I started my new job, and today actually quit the old one. My new job is amazing. Great people, great environment, and despite wanting to be home with Dave, the work day flies. And I love that. I love having a job I enjoy and am good at.
And as for Dave, he is looking to get a job here and has been a... Ray of sunshine in my life for the last week. It's been amazing to come home and see him here. The smiles, laughter, kisses, hugs and "I love yous" are everthing I could ask for, especially when they are coming from the man I want to spend forever with.
I was also blessed with a visit with my Mom and Aunt Flushy this past weekend. I now have real furniture in my apartment and was lucky enough to be accompanied by these two wonderful women and Dave when I was re-affirmed on this past (Easter)Sunday.
Oh... I am SOOO blessed!
I gave in. Last Tuesday I decided I just couldn't ignore my feelings. I had told myself, him (Dave aka CL-WoW) and others over and over that there was no way we met to just spend two months together... And I was right... And he knew it too...
I decided to make an Easter basket for him, putting egg related messages on 31 Cellas, his favorite candy treat, and putting them in plastic Easter eggs. I drove out there, drove by his house and his car wasn't there. So I drove to the mall. When I was pulling through the mall parking lot, I saw him pulling out of a restaurant across the street and head back to his house. I stopped my car, psyched myself back up and decided to go for it.
But it wasn't that easy. I sat outside his house in my car for a couple minutes and then did a "Beep Beep." But he didn't come out. So after a few more minutes and writing up a bunch more post-its, I walked to the door and knocked. And he answered. And he SMILED!
The post-it on my pointer finger said "Can I have two minutes?". And he said of course. The next finger said "I won't say anything unless it's ok with you.". He said "Of course its ok if you talk!" And talk we did. And have. And everything we've both felt has now been said... And will continue being said...
There's no shortage of smiles, laughter or "I love you's" in my life now.
To make this past week even better, I started my new job, and today actually quit the old one. My new job is amazing. Great people, great environment, and despite wanting to be home with Dave, the work day flies. And I love that. I love having a job I enjoy and am good at.
And as for Dave, he is looking to get a job here and has been a... Ray of sunshine in my life for the last week. It's been amazing to come home and see him here. The smiles, laughter, kisses, hugs and "I love yous" are everthing I could ask for, especially when they are coming from the man I want to spend forever with.
I was also blessed with a visit with my Mom and Aunt Flushy this past weekend. I now have real furniture in my apartment and was lucky enough to be accompanied by these two wonderful women and Dave when I was re-affirmed on this past (Easter)Sunday.
Oh... I am SOOO blessed!
Monday, April 18, 2011
DAY 78, Post 2
WoW... Today marks three months since THAT day... I never knew that would be the last kiss. I never knew that making the drive out there to get my key would be... It. I was just SO hurt and SO angry. I didn't see any reason why I should have been tested. I still don't I suppose. I was who I am, and the actions I have taken since then have all been trying to recover some of what was lost.
Because honestly... I don't want THAT kiss to have been the last. I don't want that to have been the last time we listen to "Feeling Good" together in his car. I don't want that day to be the last day I ever hear a real laugh from him. And I don't want that day to have been... It... It was too good before then to just end like that.
It's 2am and I'm awake. And I don't want to be. I want to be asleep. But my dreams are once again taking me back to him and it hurts.
I should say, Thing 2 woke up with a bloody nose, and after his fall at the park today, it concerns me. He's sleeping on the living room floor beside me right now, and I feel comforted that I can keep a watchful eye on him. Penny's also curled up next to him. It's amazing how she's willing to be so close to him when he's not awake, haha.
Because honestly... I don't want THAT kiss to have been the last. I don't want that to have been the last time we listen to "Feeling Good" together in his car. I don't want that day to be the last day I ever hear a real laugh from him. And I don't want that day to have been... It... It was too good before then to just end like that.
It's 2am and I'm awake. And I don't want to be. I want to be asleep. But my dreams are once again taking me back to him and it hurts.
I should say, Thing 2 woke up with a bloody nose, and after his fall at the park today, it concerns me. He's sleeping on the living room floor beside me right now, and I feel comforted that I can keep a watchful eye on him. Penny's also curled up next to him. It's amazing how she's willing to be so close to him when he's not awake, haha.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
DAY 25, Post 4
Soooo... My "Soul Mate Spec Sheet" in its revised form... (*are new)
1. Calls or texts within a day of first date
2. Doesn't mind and actually likes PDA
3. Sleeps on left side of bed
4. Knows how to and enjoys cooking
5. Sends texts/pictures during the day if/when thinking about me
6. At least 3 inches taller than me
7. At least 20 pounds heavier than me
8. In good shape
9. Smells good (Axe is a plus)
10. Likes kids
11. Likes video games*
12. Likes hockey
13. Likes to camp
14. Does not hunt
15. Great sense of humor
16. Reads books and/or magazines
17. Dark hair
18. Likes board games
19. Plays WoW*
20. Likes animals
21. Likes to stare at the stars
22. Likes to build things/work with hands
23. Looks at the glass as at least 1/2 full
24. Will eat cereal for dinner
25. Will take chances
26. Is spontaneous
27. Is NOT a couch potato
28. Loves to travel
29. Opens doors for me
30. Mixes CDs for me (or makes playlists on my iPOD for me)
31. Interested in architecture
32. Interested in restoring/renovating houses/buildings
33. Within 5 years of my age
34. Has a library card
35. Knows how to do laundry
36. Would dress up for Halloween
37. Has 3-5 (minimum) good local friends
38. Will paint my toenails
39. Voted for Obama
40. Hums or whistles
41. Will buy tampons/feminine products at the store
42. Has never been in jail
43. Is close to his family*
44. Likes ethnic food (Indian/Thai/Greek)
45. Doesn't mind if food touches*
46. Likes garbage plates*
47. Likes Sushi
48. Owns a swimsuit and likes to swim
49. Buys me tulips, even if they are out of season
50. Makes an effort to meet/know my friends
51. Likes my family and they like him*
52. Initiates activities with my boys
53. Stops by my office/work to say hi if in the area
54. Pays attention to positive details
55. Rubs my head/strokes my hair
56. Gives awesome massages
57. Awesome in bed* (hey, this is my list)
58. Loves to cuddle*
59. Takes out the garbage*
60. Hugging him is like dancing, even if we're standing still*
61. Says hello and goodbye with a kiss, hug and a smile*
62. Introduces me to local friends/family voluntarily within first two months*
63. Understands that money doesn't mean crap to me and isn't embarrassed by his place/status in life*
64. Is willing/able to communicate openly with me about past, present and future*
65. Doesn't mind and enjoys if I surprise him at work with a coffee or for break/lunch*
66. Gives as much as he receives*
67. Must have a verbal filter* (Added 03-03-2011)
1. Calls or texts within a day of first date
2. Doesn't mind and actually likes PDA
3. Sleeps on left side of bed
4. Knows how to and enjoys cooking
5. Sends texts/pictures during the day if/when thinking about me
6. At least 3 inches taller than me
7. At least 20 pounds heavier than me
8. In good shape
9. Smells good (Axe is a plus)
10. Likes kids
11. Likes video games*
12. Likes hockey
13. Likes to camp
14. Does not hunt
15. Great sense of humor
16. Reads books and/or magazines
17. Dark hair
18. Likes board games
19. Plays WoW*
20. Likes animals
21. Likes to stare at the stars
22. Likes to build things/work with hands
23. Looks at the glass as at least 1/2 full
24. Will eat cereal for dinner
25. Will take chances
26. Is spontaneous
27. Is NOT a couch potato
28. Loves to travel
29. Opens doors for me
30. Mixes CDs for me (or makes playlists on my iPOD for me)
31. Interested in architecture
32. Interested in restoring/renovating houses/buildings
33. Within 5 years of my age
34. Has a library card
35. Knows how to do laundry
36. Would dress up for Halloween
37. Has 3-5 (minimum) good local friends
38. Will paint my toenails
39. Voted for Obama
40. Hums or whistles
41. Will buy tampons/feminine products at the store
42. Has never been in jail
43. Is close to his family*
44. Likes ethnic food (Indian/Thai/Greek)
45. Doesn't mind if food touches*
46. Likes garbage plates*
47. Likes Sushi
48. Owns a swimsuit and likes to swim
49. Buys me tulips, even if they are out of season
50. Makes an effort to meet/know my friends
51. Likes my family and they like him*
52. Initiates activities with my boys
53. Stops by my office/work to say hi if in the area
54. Pays attention to positive details
55. Rubs my head/strokes my hair
56. Gives awesome massages
57. Awesome in bed* (hey, this is my list)
58. Loves to cuddle*
59. Takes out the garbage*
60. Hugging him is like dancing, even if we're standing still*
61. Says hello and goodbye with a kiss, hug and a smile*
62. Introduces me to local friends/family voluntarily within first two months*
63. Understands that money doesn't mean crap to me and isn't embarrassed by his place/status in life*
64. Is willing/able to communicate openly with me about past, present and future*
65. Doesn't mind and enjoys if I surprise him at work with a coffee or for break/lunch*
66. Gives as much as he receives*
67. Must have a verbal filter* (Added 03-03-2011)
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
DAY 23, Post 5
Moving on...
I decided to make a list of things I'm looking forward to, even if they aren't in the cards for the near future...
I decided to make a list of things I'm looking forward to, even if they aren't in the cards for the near future...
- April 14, 2011 and D-Day
- Painting my apartment
- Building my dream house... someday
- Finding true love
- Hearing "I Love You" from someone besides my family or my boys
- Getting a job I LOVE
- Paying off my bills and not having to worry about money
- Traveling
- Visiting my family in New York
- Driving cross country
- Going to Europe
- Being totally happy
- Never having to let go
- Summer
- Having an organized, furnished apartment
- Painting
- Passionate, deep kisses
- Hugs that don't end and feel like dancing
- Eternal smiles
- Public Displays of Affection
- Finishing my blanket
- Forgiving the past
- Reading the entire Bible
- Cleaning out my DVR
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