Today I breathe easier. And I must say that I wrote that first sentence hours ago. But now, I breathe a LOT easier.
Putting our trust in God showed us in the last 24 hours how he WILL provide what we need. And it re-affirms how I need to be more faithful and less stressed on a daily basis, and with whatever this world throws at me. When the world throws poop at us, God will help us wash it off.
For me, it meant a little bit of compassion and assistance from DH. He is helping with daycare costs a little bit more until my tax return comes.
For Dave, it means a new job.
And for us, it means that we have decided not to proceed with a big wedding with all the festivities next year. We realized while talking last night that we were each planning the big ceremony for the other person, but in all actuality, all we need individually is the small ceremony we're having this year. We'll have each other and our immediate family. THAT is what is most important. NOT spending thousands of dollars on a party.
And with that last part said, I need to resurrect the "Song of the Day."
Friday, February 10, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Stress and Money: They Come and They Go
An hour later...
Suddenly, while I'm focused on doing the best job I can, and whistling while I work, I get a call that I don't want... My ex-husband, telling me that the kids are being refused from day care unless I go over and make a payment.
So I did.
Argh.
I don't have money for this. Yes, I got paid today and have money in my bank account to cover the check I had to write, but that severely impacts the other bills I have to pay. Rent (for February!), car insurance, food, gas for the car... Sigh... I NEED to find something else.
To top it off, the IRS website is no longer telling me the status of my (hefty) tax return. The site I used to file said I could receive my funds in as soon as 10 days. Today is day 10. So why, today, is the status of my return no longer showing up? Is my payment in process? Is it not coming? I'm not a fan of uncertainty.
And to say the least, I'm stressed.
Majorly, agonizingly, stressed.
I know what I need to do, but why is it so hard sometimes? Being a Christian I know I need to put my Faith in God to provide what I need, but I feel like I should be doing more.
I'll Whistle While I Work
I arrived at work nearly an hour and a half early this morning. Why? Thanks to the incredibly supportive man in my life, I fell asleep on the couch at 7pm last night and slept right through, besides being woken to go to bed. This morning I feel COMPLETELY refreshed, alert and ready to go. That feeling in itself is refreshing. When I fall asleep at 7, however, I start waking up around 3am, wondering when the alarm is going to go off. By 5am I gave up sleeping and decided to make it an early day at work.
When I arrived, the first email I saw was K-Love's Encouraging Word of the Day, and how completely appropriate it was, for me at least...
"Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people." ~Colossians 3:23
I must admit, I've become lazy. At work, at home, in life in general. And I need to change that. I don't focus on what I don't have, but when I'm not completely satisfied with what I do have (my job, despite loving the people and being great at it), I put it on the side or back burner and choose to focus on other things.
But maybe that's why I'm not being presented with an opportunity that I would enjoy more. Perhaps it's because I'm not working as hard as I can at what I do have, and making the most of it. Perhaps I need to "whistle while I work" and that will be the key to opening more doors.
Besides work, I have been exploring other opportunities. Dave will be starting school in the next couple of weeks (going for his Bachelors in Game Art and Design!), and hearing him talk about it makes me think about going back myself to finish my Bachelors in Graphic Design. No, the thought of taking out more student loans does NOT excite me, however at least payment on my current loans would stop until I wrapped up the next degree. And where I live now is not an interior design mecca. Besides doing free-lance work, I do not see myself finding a job in the field I was formerly educated in.
Today I believe I'll focus on doing the best I can at everything I do, and stop being lazy and avoiding what I don't particularly want to do.
When I arrived, the first email I saw was K-Love's Encouraging Word of the Day, and how completely appropriate it was, for me at least...
"Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people." ~Colossians 3:23
I must admit, I've become lazy. At work, at home, in life in general. And I need to change that. I don't focus on what I don't have, but when I'm not completely satisfied with what I do have (my job, despite loving the people and being great at it), I put it on the side or back burner and choose to focus on other things.
But maybe that's why I'm not being presented with an opportunity that I would enjoy more. Perhaps it's because I'm not working as hard as I can at what I do have, and making the most of it. Perhaps I need to "whistle while I work" and that will be the key to opening more doors.
Besides work, I have been exploring other opportunities. Dave will be starting school in the next couple of weeks (going for his Bachelors in Game Art and Design!), and hearing him talk about it makes me think about going back myself to finish my Bachelors in Graphic Design. No, the thought of taking out more student loans does NOT excite me, however at least payment on my current loans would stop until I wrapped up the next degree. And where I live now is not an interior design mecca. Besides doing free-lance work, I do not see myself finding a job in the field I was formerly educated in.
Today I believe I'll focus on doing the best I can at everything I do, and stop being lazy and avoiding what I don't particularly want to do.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Knit 1, Wedding 2, We'll Make 5
Last night I finished knitting, crocheting, and sewing in the loose ends completely on my wedding dress. I can't even express the sense of accomplishment I feel. Not only is it complete, but it FITS! I'll post again later today, but here's a picture of me in the dress. More/better pictures will come on/after the big day! Now I'm thinking of knitting a shawl in the same feather/fan pattern to wear around me with the dress, as I can't count on this unseasonably warm weather to be around then. I can hope and pray though!
Monday, February 6, 2012
Do Your Laundry
As I climbed into bed last night I could help but to think about how simple things, like crawling into my own bed each night, can be taken for granted. From there I began to think about the other earthly pleasures I take for granted, most of them on a daily basis.
Why did I have such thoughts?
Here's why...
Pretty much unrecognizable, that's a clothes dryer in the middle of the picture, next to the chair. Or should I say a charred dryer next to a charred chair?
Upon arriving home from church yesterday, Dave, the boys and I were welcomed by firetrucks and a Red Cross van in our driveway. Three apartments down, a young mother had put her daughters down for a nap, and walked out of their room into a cloud of black smoke coming out of the dryer. She opened the door and flames burst out at her. From there, the fire spread around the apartment, and between the flames and the smoke, the possessions they held dear were destroyed.
No clothes.
No furniture.
No toys.
No... Anything...
Dave and I pulled together a couple bags of clothes for her and her fiance and I was able to find a few baby blankets left over from my boys for her 5 month old. And Thing 2 brought tears to her eyes when he presented her with a stuffed elephant for her 2 year old. But I went to bed wanting to be able to do more.
As I lay down to sleep, however, it truly hit me how much they lost. Everything must be re-acquired. From a cup to drink out of to toothbrushes and towels. Baby clothes and diapers, and a chair to sit on. Wow.
I seem to be full of pleas for my readers (if I have any) lately, but here's a couple more...
1. Check out dryer vents and lint traps regularly. Your lint trap should be emptied before EVERY load. A clogged vent can not only cause clothes to not by dried in one cycle, but can burn out your heating element, or worse, start a fire. If you rent, ask your landlord to clean your vent at least once a year.
2. Invest in renter's insurance. If you own your home, your home owner's insurance would cover a disaster such as this. However if you rent, you need to cover yourself. And in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't cost that much. Geico, for instance, charges approximately $40/month. Does that sound like a lot? Think about EVERYTHING you'd need to replace if your apartment burnt down. Yea...
Why did I have such thoughts?
Here's why...
Pretty much unrecognizable, that's a clothes dryer in the middle of the picture, next to the chair. Or should I say a charred dryer next to a charred chair?
Upon arriving home from church yesterday, Dave, the boys and I were welcomed by firetrucks and a Red Cross van in our driveway. Three apartments down, a young mother had put her daughters down for a nap, and walked out of their room into a cloud of black smoke coming out of the dryer. She opened the door and flames burst out at her. From there, the fire spread around the apartment, and between the flames and the smoke, the possessions they held dear were destroyed.
No clothes.
No furniture.
No toys.
No... Anything...
Dave and I pulled together a couple bags of clothes for her and her fiance and I was able to find a few baby blankets left over from my boys for her 5 month old. And Thing 2 brought tears to her eyes when he presented her with a stuffed elephant for her 2 year old. But I went to bed wanting to be able to do more.
As I lay down to sleep, however, it truly hit me how much they lost. Everything must be re-acquired. From a cup to drink out of to toothbrushes and towels. Baby clothes and diapers, and a chair to sit on. Wow.
I seem to be full of pleas for my readers (if I have any) lately, but here's a couple more...
1. Check out dryer vents and lint traps regularly. Your lint trap should be emptied before EVERY load. A clogged vent can not only cause clothes to not by dried in one cycle, but can burn out your heating element, or worse, start a fire. If you rent, ask your landlord to clean your vent at least once a year.
2. Invest in renter's insurance. If you own your home, your home owner's insurance would cover a disaster such as this. However if you rent, you need to cover yourself. And in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't cost that much. Geico, for instance, charges approximately $40/month. Does that sound like a lot? Think about EVERYTHING you'd need to replace if your apartment burnt down. Yea...
Friday, February 3, 2012
The Roller Coaster Ride Continues
I started this post yesterday...
**********************************************************************
Yesterday's roller coaster ride of life took us down a major decline and back up a surprising way.
The decline was the result of hearing the outcome of my medical tests. While I wouldn't normally get (quite so) personal on here, I am sharing the following as encouragement to any/all female readers to get their annual pap smear, and accept the additional testing, despite any additional costs that may arise. My pap smear this year came back abnormal, and my doctor's office did a further exam which I will spare you the details of. Cells were removed from my cervix and a biopsy was performed on them. The results returned yesterday and I received a call from the doctor's office during my lunch.
While my HPV test(s) came back negative, the removed cells are "moderate to severely bad cells with lesions" and are pre-cancerous. In doctor talk, this is "Cervical Dysplasia."
What's next?
That's a question that can be asked and answered in so many ways...
What's going to burden my life next? What's going to make my life better next? How do I take care of this medical issue? In general... What's next?
I can only answer the 3rd of these questions. On Monday, February 27 I will be having a LEEP (?) procedure in which the bad cells will be burnt and scraped off my cervix. In the end my cervix will be shortened, however there are positives. 1. These cells are PRE-cancerous, not cancerous. 2. This will not affect my ability to have children. 3. Once removed, the doctor said these cells usually don't return.
Despite these positives, I couldn't/can't help but be scared and angry. Scared that this won't be the end of it. Scared that the cells will return and will be cancerous. Angry that my life, which is finally as wonderful as I could ever have imagined, could be drastically changed and shortened. Scared that I won't see my boys grow up. Scared that I won't be able to grow old with Dave. Scared in general...
But I have to interupt those thoughts. Even Tony Robbins says you have to interupt negative thought patterns. So I turn to God.
Isaiah 40:27-31
Why would you ever complain, O Jacob,
or, whine, Israel, saying,
"God has lost track of me.
He doesn't care what happens to me"?
Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening?
God doesn't come and go. God lasts.
He's Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath.
And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.
They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don't get tired,
they walk and don't lag behind.
**********************************************************************
Yesterday's roller coaster ride of life took us down a major decline and back up a surprising way.
The decline was the result of hearing the outcome of my medical tests. While I wouldn't normally get (quite so) personal on here, I am sharing the following as encouragement to any/all female readers to get their annual pap smear, and accept the additional testing, despite any additional costs that may arise. My pap smear this year came back abnormal, and my doctor's office did a further exam which I will spare you the details of. Cells were removed from my cervix and a biopsy was performed on them. The results returned yesterday and I received a call from the doctor's office during my lunch.
While my HPV test(s) came back negative, the removed cells are "moderate to severely bad cells with lesions" and are pre-cancerous. In doctor talk, this is "Cervical Dysplasia."
What's next?
That's a question that can be asked and answered in so many ways...
What's going to burden my life next? What's going to make my life better next? How do I take care of this medical issue? In general... What's next?
I can only answer the 3rd of these questions. On Monday, February 27 I will be having a LEEP (?) procedure in which the bad cells will be burnt and scraped off my cervix. In the end my cervix will be shortened, however there are positives. 1. These cells are PRE-cancerous, not cancerous. 2. This will not affect my ability to have children. 3. Once removed, the doctor said these cells usually don't return.
Despite these positives, I couldn't/can't help but be scared and angry. Scared that this won't be the end of it. Scared that the cells will return and will be cancerous. Angry that my life, which is finally as wonderful as I could ever have imagined, could be drastically changed and shortened. Scared that I won't see my boys grow up. Scared that I won't be able to grow old with Dave. Scared in general...
But I have to interupt those thoughts. Even Tony Robbins says you have to interupt negative thought patterns. So I turn to God.
Isaiah 40:27-31
Why would you ever complain, O Jacob,
or, whine, Israel, saying,
"God has lost track of me.
He doesn't care what happens to me"?
Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening?
God doesn't come and go. God lasts.
He's Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath.
And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.
They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don't get tired,
they walk and don't lag behind.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Keep on Keeping On
Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for.
Keep on seeking, and you will find.
Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.
~Matthew 7:7
How can I say it any better than that? My life feels like a roller coaster sometimes, with unimaginably awesome ascents and unforgiving descents. When I remember to put faith in my Faith, however, my life plateaus for a bit, and more often or not the plateau is on an up, not on a down.
Last night was filled with all kinds of rushes in good ways. Here are a few highlights:
- Thing 1 and Thing 2 came home after spending the last 5 nights with their dad.
- Thing 1 presented Dave with an awesome picture he drew, with the caption "The Best Dad Award"
- I did my taxes last night, and forecasted Dave's. The good news... Actually, GREAT news is that money is on it's way!
- My fingers were ready for knitting last night. I divided my dress for the front and back over the weekend, and last night I started the neck and shoulder shaping, including binding off the neckline stitches. I'm thinking I'll be able to finish at least the left shoulder tonight!
I hope you and your loved ones are either on the ascent or on a plateau at the top! XO
Friday, January 27, 2012
Every Inch of Life...
More nights than not I can be found on my side of the couch, with Penny (the dog) in my lap, knitting. Dave will be on the other side of the couch, his PS3 controller in his hands, playing the game of the moment. Right now it's Skyrim. We'll both have our legs stretched out down the couch, intertwined with each other, and we'll both look up occasionally to find the other one staring at us. It's not a bad stare. It's a fascinating, "I love that person, no matter what s/he is doing" stare. Now that the wedding dress is getting longer, Dave has been picking it up, feeling it, and rubbing his face on it because it smells like me. I think it's sweet. Last night, however, he said something that really struck me. He said, "You know, you have touched EVERY inch of this dress."
Yea, I have.
While I'm not saying that a store-bought wedding dress doesn't mean as much as the one I'm knitting, and I'm not saying that I'm not going to buy one for the big wedding/reception next year, however I AM just really (don't know what word I want) that I have touched every 1/4 inch of this dress! It makes it SO personal!
I can't say that I have touched as much of any other aspect of my life as I have my dress. I've been reviewing my finances on a nearly-daily basis since last May, however I can't say I'm touching every piece of my finances when I can't afford to pay all my bills. And by discussing my dress, I realize I need to be just as involved in my boys' lives as I am in the construction of this dress. Am I a good mom (in my opinion)? Yes, I believe I'm a GREAT mom. However there are always ways a parent can improve. And I'm going to find them. And the same goes for being a mate for Dave.
*************************
Later... I need a nap. And I need to be at home. The work week needs to end... Fast...
Yea, I have.
While I'm not saying that a store-bought wedding dress doesn't mean as much as the one I'm knitting, and I'm not saying that I'm not going to buy one for the big wedding/reception next year, however I AM just really (don't know what word I want) that I have touched every 1/4 inch of this dress! It makes it SO personal!
I can't say that I have touched as much of any other aspect of my life as I have my dress. I've been reviewing my finances on a nearly-daily basis since last May, however I can't say I'm touching every piece of my finances when I can't afford to pay all my bills. And by discussing my dress, I realize I need to be just as involved in my boys' lives as I am in the construction of this dress. Am I a good mom (in my opinion)? Yes, I believe I'm a GREAT mom. However there are always ways a parent can improve. And I'm going to find them. And the same goes for being a mate for Dave.
*************************
Later... I need a nap. And I need to be at home. The work week needs to end... Fast...
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Take a Bite Out of Life!
I've decided that the cereal "Life" is very much like life itself. If you let it sit there too long without tasting it, it will get soggy and stale. So what are you waiting for? Take a bite!
Last night I decided it was time to get back to knitting my dress. I think I may have completed four rows (each row takes about 20 minutes to knit, uninterupted), which I feel good about. I have no doubt that I'll have the dress finished in time, however I am concerned that it won't fit. Is it a concern with cause? No. I have absolutely no reason to think it won't fit. But if it doesn't, I would, crazily enough, like to knit it again so it does. And in case you're wondering, either way I'll be selling the dress (custom-made for other people, not MY dress) on Etsy.
Tonight I would like to work on our invites for the small wedding. We found a style we like on the internet, however the company wants $4+/card for what is essentially a 4x6 picture and envelope. Using Photoshop I am planning on tweaking the design, making it our own and getting them printed at Walmart or Meijer. Then we'll mount the pictures on good, Bazzill cardstock and send them out! What this other company wanted $4.39/each for, we'll be able to make for under $1! I'll post pictures of it when I'm finished.
I hate to close up a post this way, but I am going to ask for your prayers. I had a follow-up doctor's appointment yesterday afternoon, and have to wait up to two weeks for biopsy results to know what is going on. The hardest part(s) for me are 1) I feel fine. A routine yearly test came back with abnormal results and they send me into a frenzy. 2) While I try to be an optimist, the worst case scenario scares the shit out of me... And pisses me off. I know I have to keep my Faith, and keep a positive mind, however I'm not ready to give up what I have. And I'm not ready to give up on what I want in the future.
I'm not going to give up!
Last night I decided it was time to get back to knitting my dress. I think I may have completed four rows (each row takes about 20 minutes to knit, uninterupted), which I feel good about. I have no doubt that I'll have the dress finished in time, however I am concerned that it won't fit. Is it a concern with cause? No. I have absolutely no reason to think it won't fit. But if it doesn't, I would, crazily enough, like to knit it again so it does. And in case you're wondering, either way I'll be selling the dress (custom-made for other people, not MY dress) on Etsy.
Tonight I would like to work on our invites for the small wedding. We found a style we like on the internet, however the company wants $4+/card for what is essentially a 4x6 picture and envelope. Using Photoshop I am planning on tweaking the design, making it our own and getting them printed at Walmart or Meijer. Then we'll mount the pictures on good, Bazzill cardstock and send them out! What this other company wanted $4.39/each for, we'll be able to make for under $1! I'll post pictures of it when I'm finished.
I hate to close up a post this way, but I am going to ask for your prayers. I had a follow-up doctor's appointment yesterday afternoon, and have to wait up to two weeks for biopsy results to know what is going on. The hardest part(s) for me are 1) I feel fine. A routine yearly test came back with abnormal results and they send me into a frenzy. 2) While I try to be an optimist, the worst case scenario scares the shit out of me... And pisses me off. I know I have to keep my Faith, and keep a positive mind, however I'm not ready to give up what I have. And I'm not ready to give up on what I want in the future.
I'm not going to give up!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
The Year of Ketchup
While preparing to compose today's post, I realized my previous method of naming my posts, by day number counting from the beginning of the post, doesn't really do my blog justice. So much has happened since I began writing the blog that I could have essentially started back at Day 1 any number of times. So from here on out I will be trying to name my posts in some sort of creatively relevant manner.
Last night was my second knit in a row of not working on knitting my wedding dress. I had every intention of working on it, however the pattern with all my notes has temporarily made itself scarce. I'm going to find it, I know I am, however the break from knitting has given me some time to... NOT think. Don't get me wrong... I LOVE to knit. And even more, I love to be knitting my wedding dress. However sometimes my mind just gets going to fast that even concentrating on my pattern can't keep my mind under control. My thoughts while knitting tend to be focused on money, the wedding (obviously) and a whole lot of randomness, but at times all the thoughts blur together and make me feel anxious. And with all the good in my life, I don't like to feel anxious.
So last night I spent my time playing on my Kindle Fire, Dave's first big surprise for me over the Christmas/New Year's holiday. Words With Friends has become an addiction, however last night I was sucked into Sim City. I remember being in high school, spending weekends at my Dad's and staying up until all hours playing it. Now that I think about it, even back then it gave me the same escape from reality then as it does now.
Last night's game was going extremely well until my city grew so big that I actually started LOSING money. And that leads me to my thought of the morning. How many times can our hopes and dreams become SO large that they actually case us to implode onto ourselves? We let ourselves take on so much that by the time we realize we're overburdened, we're already caving in under the pressure?
So I realize today, that like Sim City, it is necessary to take life one step at a time. Last night I found myself building too much of one zone, only to lose money and have them remain empty. This is like life, only people put eggs into too many baskets and fail to succeed or make an omelette out of any of them.
Dave and I have decided that 2012 is the year of Catch-Up. (Everytime I say this I want to say Ketchup, with my boys in mind). But, Suze Orman would probably agree that it's impossible to catch up if you're trying to tackle it all at the same time. Tackle one at a time and you'll get them all worked out eventually. Try to handle them all at once and you'll be where you started, with nothing done and nothing more to show for all your stress and efforts.
"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." ~Matthew 6:34
Last night was my second knit in a row of not working on knitting my wedding dress. I had every intention of working on it, however the pattern with all my notes has temporarily made itself scarce. I'm going to find it, I know I am, however the break from knitting has given me some time to... NOT think. Don't get me wrong... I LOVE to knit. And even more, I love to be knitting my wedding dress. However sometimes my mind just gets going to fast that even concentrating on my pattern can't keep my mind under control. My thoughts while knitting tend to be focused on money, the wedding (obviously) and a whole lot of randomness, but at times all the thoughts blur together and make me feel anxious. And with all the good in my life, I don't like to feel anxious.
So last night I spent my time playing on my Kindle Fire, Dave's first big surprise for me over the Christmas/New Year's holiday. Words With Friends has become an addiction, however last night I was sucked into Sim City. I remember being in high school, spending weekends at my Dad's and staying up until all hours playing it. Now that I think about it, even back then it gave me the same escape from reality then as it does now.
Last night's game was going extremely well until my city grew so big that I actually started LOSING money. And that leads me to my thought of the morning. How many times can our hopes and dreams become SO large that they actually case us to implode onto ourselves? We let ourselves take on so much that by the time we realize we're overburdened, we're already caving in under the pressure?
So I realize today, that like Sim City, it is necessary to take life one step at a time. Last night I found myself building too much of one zone, only to lose money and have them remain empty. This is like life, only people put eggs into too many baskets and fail to succeed or make an omelette out of any of them.
Dave and I have decided that 2012 is the year of Catch-Up. (Everytime I say this I want to say Ketchup, with my boys in mind). But, Suze Orman would probably agree that it's impossible to catch up if you're trying to tackle it all at the same time. Tackle one at a time and you'll get them all worked out eventually. Try to handle them all at once and you'll be where you started, with nothing done and nothing more to show for all your stress and efforts.
"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." ~Matthew 6:34
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
DAY 359
Stepping away from typing up yesterday's post (a day late) I'm faced with a completely new set of feelings. While I stand by yesteday's thoughts that I have learned how to live, and that every moment needs to be appreciated and cherished, it takes on a completely new meaning to me.
While there are no results yet, I received word from a doctor yesterday that the results from a routine exam came back abnormal and that further testing and a biopsy are necessary. Without going into too much detail, the outcome from this (if negative) could impact Dave and my ability to have children of our own, which we very much would like to do. And while I am trying to stay positive, the "What-if's" sometimes get the best of me.
A follow up exam was scheduled for February 15, however I decided to call today and see if the doctor had had any cancellations. My favorite doctor in the office had a cancellation tomorrow at 2:15pm and I jumped on it. With our wedding on the horizon, I would like to know the results sooner rather than later. I don't like being on edge with the boys, and last night and this morning I was EXTREMELY irritable towards both of them, a fact which I am NOT proud of. I have taken pride in my ability to keep a level head with them in most situations, and last night and this morning I most certainly did not.
On the flip side, this has certainly reinforced yesterday's post... For me at least. Cherish every moment. Don't (or try not to) stress over the things you can't control. And take time for hugs and kisses, no matter how late you're running. It's these moments you will and want to remember.
I brought Dave's headphones to work today so that I can listen to K-Love and the first song I heard when I turned it on was "Hope Now" by Addison Road. The chorus really got to me...
Everything rides on hope now
Everything runs on Faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free.
In the past year I have been given MANY blessings, including a wonderful man who loves me and a renewed relationship with God, who I can praise and give thanks to everyday, despite everything I may or may not be experiencing. He has a path for me. I just have to remember to be patient to find out what that path is and where it will take me.
While there are no results yet, I received word from a doctor yesterday that the results from a routine exam came back abnormal and that further testing and a biopsy are necessary. Without going into too much detail, the outcome from this (if negative) could impact Dave and my ability to have children of our own, which we very much would like to do. And while I am trying to stay positive, the "What-if's" sometimes get the best of me.
A follow up exam was scheduled for February 15, however I decided to call today and see if the doctor had had any cancellations. My favorite doctor in the office had a cancellation tomorrow at 2:15pm and I jumped on it. With our wedding on the horizon, I would like to know the results sooner rather than later. I don't like being on edge with the boys, and last night and this morning I was EXTREMELY irritable towards both of them, a fact which I am NOT proud of. I have taken pride in my ability to keep a level head with them in most situations, and last night and this morning I most certainly did not.
On the flip side, this has certainly reinforced yesterday's post... For me at least. Cherish every moment. Don't (or try not to) stress over the things you can't control. And take time for hugs and kisses, no matter how late you're running. It's these moments you will and want to remember.
I brought Dave's headphones to work today so that I can listen to K-Love and the first song I heard when I turned it on was "Hope Now" by Addison Road. The chorus really got to me...
Everything rides on hope now
Everything runs on Faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free.
In the past year I have been given MANY blessings, including a wonderful man who loves me and a renewed relationship with God, who I can praise and give thanks to everyday, despite everything I may or may not be experiencing. He has a path for me. I just have to remember to be patient to find out what that path is and where it will take me.
DAY 358
This was yesterday's post, written in my Day Planner...
As I got ready for work this morning, I realized that in the past year I have learned how to live. By live I don't mean perform the actions necessary in life. I mean perform them and appreciate them, and remember the ones that matter don't stress about the ones that don't.
Thing 1 is a top-knotch diddle-dwadler in the morning. It doesn't matter what time he wakes up and how little he has to do, he can still be the last one out the door in the morning. Despite how late I may be running, however, I always have time for a hug and a kiss when dropping the boys off at school. Do I use my "flex time" on days I have the boys? You bet I do! But those extra minutes for hugs and kisses are well worth it!
Don't forget how to live. Fill your life with memories of meaningful moments, regardless of how late you're running every morning.
As I got ready for work this morning, I realized that in the past year I have learned how to live. By live I don't mean perform the actions necessary in life. I mean perform them and appreciate them, and remember the ones that matter don't stress about the ones that don't.
Thing 1 is a top-knotch diddle-dwadler in the morning. It doesn't matter what time he wakes up and how little he has to do, he can still be the last one out the door in the morning. Despite how late I may be running, however, I always have time for a hug and a kiss when dropping the boys off at school. Do I use my "flex time" on days I have the boys? You bet I do! But those extra minutes for hugs and kisses are well worth it!
Don't forget how to live. Fill your life with memories of meaningful moments, regardless of how late you're running every morning.
Friday, January 20, 2012
DAY 355, Post 2
While I wrote earlier that today is going better than yesterday, I decided that I have to add that I'm finding it ridiculously difficult to get any work done. I'm sitting at work more or less staring at screen wondering what I should/have to do next. It doesn't really help that I'm on top of all the work that's come in and have already gotten 99.9 percent of my work done. Looking around my cubicle, all I can really see that needs done is that my desk should be wiped down. But I really don't feel like it.
Dave's packed my lunch for the past couple of days, and after eating I start feeling really sleepy shortly thereafter. I wish I could unfold a sleeping bag under my desk and take a nap (I type, yawning).
I probably shouldn't be admitting this, but what often fills my day is random thoughts. I mean, right now I'm staring at my water bottle wondering how many ounces are in a gallon. Do you know? (Looking on google.com to find out) 128 fl. oz. are in a gallon. So... I have a 32 fl. oz. water bottle and I drink at least two a day. No wonder another portion of my day is filled with trips to the ladies room!
But with that said, it's time to fill my water bottle back up for the third time today, haha.
Dave's packed my lunch for the past couple of days, and after eating I start feeling really sleepy shortly thereafter. I wish I could unfold a sleeping bag under my desk and take a nap (I type, yawning).
I probably shouldn't be admitting this, but what often fills my day is random thoughts. I mean, right now I'm staring at my water bottle wondering how many ounces are in a gallon. Do you know? (Looking on google.com to find out) 128 fl. oz. are in a gallon. So... I have a 32 fl. oz. water bottle and I drink at least two a day. No wonder another portion of my day is filled with trips to the ladies room!
But with that said, it's time to fill my water bottle back up for the third time today, haha.
DAY 355
Today is going much better that yesterday. I feel like I can breathe and am in more control of what's going on in my life. Yes, there are still things I want (and have no control over), like making more money, but as long as we have a roof over our head and food in the cabinets I can handle the rest. And what I don't feel like I can handle, I can pray for.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
DAY 354
Extremely anxious... There's no other way to express how I'm feeling right now. I know some say that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, however right now He's giving us a whole lot. And while we're doing the best we can to take control of some things, others are out of our hands altogether. I don't like not being in control.
In times like this I have to work extra hard to maintain optimism. Keep my chin up and keep looking at what our final goals are. And I have to pray. Pray to God that He puts us on a good path, and hopefully a better one.
I have a Franklin Covey planner now at work. I got the 7 Habits refill for this year, and every day has a quote. Monday's was particularly inspirational...
"People with goals succeed because they know where they're going." - Earl Nightingale
I think I need to make higher goals...
In times like this I have to work extra hard to maintain optimism. Keep my chin up and keep looking at what our final goals are. And I have to pray. Pray to God that He puts us on a good path, and hopefully a better one.
I have a Franklin Covey planner now at work. I got the 7 Habits refill for this year, and every day has a quote. Monday's was particularly inspirational...
"People with goals succeed because they know where they're going." - Earl Nightingale
I think I need to make higher goals...
Monday, January 16, 2012
Day 351
I've been wanting to write so badly for the last couple of weeks, however I wanted to wait to share the incredible news I have...
Dave and I are engaged!
Throughout each day, every day, I never cease to be astounded by the changes and experiences I have had over the past year. And now I have gone back around full circle to where I wanted to be when I started this blog nearly a year ago.
Now I am in the process of knitting my wedding dress for the small ceremony, which we will be having in March with immediate family. Here's where I am right now...
I'm only about 15 inches (of 41) through, but I hope it will speed up a little now that I am starting to decrease. It's worked from the bottom up in a feather and fan pattern. All I can REALLY hope is that it fits when it is finished.
Dave and I are engaged!
Throughout each day, every day, I never cease to be astounded by the changes and experiences I have had over the past year. And now I have gone back around full circle to where I wanted to be when I started this blog nearly a year ago.
Now I am in the process of knitting my wedding dress for the small ceremony, which we will be having in March with immediate family. Here's where I am right now...
I'm only about 15 inches (of 41) through, but I hope it will speed up a little now that I am starting to decrease. It's worked from the bottom up in a feather and fan pattern. All I can REALLY hope is that it fits when it is finished.
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