DAY 63, Post 3

Church was amazing this morning.  Pastor Mike spoke a lot about forgiveness and said a few things that really spoke to me.

"Mercy is grace for the undeserved."

"Forgiveness isn't just for the offender but also for the one who was offended."

"The wise forgive but don't forget."

"Don't be a grace abuser."

"Divorce is sometimes the lesser of two mistakes."

No, I don't remember all of these things by myself when I leave church, but I take notes in the back of my Bible during the service.  And I'm so glad I do.  At first I worried that writing and highlighting in my Bible was sacreligious, but I've realized that how else am I going to remember the lessons and thoughts that really touched me?

A specific Bible verse also touched me...

"Let any one of you who is without a sin be the first to throw a stone at her."

John 8:7

Like my scoffer last night, how often are we ready to cast judgement on someone else, when we ourselves have committed wrongs in our own lives?  And how fair is that?

You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgement on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself..."

Romans 2:1

I left church feeling total forgiveness for all wrongs committed against me.  And I mean ALL wrongs.  And I can't tell you how much more uplifted I feel.  To not feel anger or hatred is a marvelous thing.  I hope that someday all the offenders, and anyone else as well, will be able to feel such forgiveness towards me.



For if you forgive others when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Matthew 6:14-15

DAY 41, Post 1

Song of the Day, haha...

DAY 40, Post 4

The first week's assignment for Momentum for Life is to set aside time for Daily Devotion.  While there is more to this than reading the Bible (meditation, journaling and prayer), I decided to take a few minutes and continue reading Genesis this morning.  Slowly, yet surely, I am working my way through the first book.

This morning's reading was about Joseph and the seven years of abundance followed by seven years of famine in Egypt.  I can't explain it, but out of reading about Joseph stock-piling all of the excess crops, I found a deep desire to stop spending money on things that aren't completely necessary.  Like $2 iced coffees at McDonalds. 

I want to build my own, if even very little, stockpile, and become more responsible about money.  I don't want to get the pit in my stomach worrying that my gas has been shut off.  I already operate on a cash-only basis, but I really need to start doing it with my priorities solidly in place, both for me and the boys.

A couple verses from last night's session really struck me...

"Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.  But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Jesus Christ."
Philippians 3:13-14

DAY 39, Post 2

I had a dream about fleas last night. They were on Penny, but still...  It got me thinking this morning.

I need to find a way to get rid of the fleas in my life for good.  Because they're getting under my skin, and today I'm just angry at them. 

I find it AMAZING, and not in a good way, how people in my life could or do act the way they do.  It literally makes me sick.  And I can't have that anymore.  Dishonesty (to themselves and others), hatred, cruelty, etc.  And no, I'm not just talking about one person.  I just want to pick those fleas off my skin and crush them between my fingers.  But I can't.  I need to find a way to forgive them, and continue on in my life without them, or with minimal contact.

I went to Ginghamsburg last night for their Ash Wednesday service and found it incredible.  They played a video at the beginning and I wish I could find a link to see it again.  I don't know if the older attendees appreciated it as much as I did.  I hope they did.

DAY 23, Post 5

Moving on...

I decided to make a list of things I'm looking forward to, even if they aren't in the cards for the near future...

• April 14, 2011 and D-Day
• Painting my apartment
• Building my dream house...  someday
• Finding true love
• Hearing "I Love You" from someone besides my family or my boys
• Getting a job I LOVE
• Paying off my bills and not having to worry about money
• Traveling
• Visiting my family in New York
• Driving cross country
• Going to Europe
• Being totally happy
• Never having to let go
• Summer
• Having an organized, furnished apartment
• Painting
• Passionate, deep kisses
• Hugs that don't end and feel like dancing
• Eternal smiles
• Public Displays of Affection
• Finishing my blanket
• Forgiving the past
• Reading the entire Bible
• Cleaning out my DVR

DAY 23, Post 4

Deep sigh.  My apology was heard.  The photos are off my computer.  I wish much happiness for us both (individually) in the future and hope that if we cross paths we can do it with a smile.

I've never walked away from ANY relationship not knowing if I would speak with the person ever again.  I think that's what hurts the most.  But if nothing else, he's shown me how I should be treated by my significant other, and hopefully the same was true, in a positive light. 

Thank you for the memories...  I'll never forget you, however...  I'll go forward with fond memories and the hope we can/have forgiven each other for any hurt that was caused.

The BEST New Years Eve in My First 31 Years...

And a GREAT smile... 

Whoever she is, make sure she'll drive 30 minutes to take you coffee on your 10 minute break.

DAY 16, Part 2

Wow... I guess it takes a truly nice (although somewhat messed up, haha) person to make me realize how truly fucked up other people are. I just asked my friend Chris to have lunch with me on my birthday so I would have something to look forward to (and I'll pay, haha) and not only did he say yes but he said he would take the day off from work. I must add that I said I didn't want him to take the day off from work because he, like me, needs the money, but really!?! He would do that!?! (His response to me saying I didn't want him to take the day off was "Why not? I can take a vacation day and still get paid.". Hmmmm...)

DH never took my birthday off, never offered to take my birthday off, and two years ago, on my 30th birthday, didn't even wish me a Happy Birthday because he was mad at me for some stupid reason or another. I didn't get my birthday present or "happy birthday" for three days...

Following up on my earlier post from today, I think I have to put the horse to sleep. It's unfortunate that some people don't want to see the good in others, even when she truly cares about him and wants to make sure he's ok. With all the shit I've been going through, I'm embarrassed now that I've been more worried about the horse's ailments than my own. So, fuck you, horse. You've given up something great. The grass is always greener somewhere, but I'm afraid it will be hard if not impossible to find greener than me. Oh, and I want the back of the sweater and coffee mug returned. If I can't get a return email or text when I write I care and/or worry about you, then no woman should knit you a sweater or drive 30 minutes for a 10 minute coffee break with you. I cared, to the point that I cried at work today, but the hell with you. You obviously were not who I thought you were and I was a fool to care about you.

Ahhh... Sorry to the rest of you. If you know me, then undoubtedly you know who I'm talking about. (Yes, jerk. I shared my feelings for you with others.) But damn, I feel better. I know he'll never read the above, because he doesn't care, but if by chance he does read it, I hope (and you know it's not like me to say this) it hurts like he hurt me.

Two minutes later...

I've deleted the number and texts (again) from my phone. He knows where I live, (as I do him), but should he ever want to apologize (sincerely) it will take a drive here and some major groveling. I'm done contacting him. Ill forgive in time, but forget, no. I don't think you can forget how much you cared for someone, especially when it wasn't reciprocal.

2011 will be a GREAT year... For ME...

DAY 12, Part 1

I had written a Bucket List for myself last year but managed to lose it in my office. So, here is my new (and possibly revised) Bucket List...

1. Write a book and have it published.
2. Sell several of my paintings.
3. Visit the Egyptian Pyramids.

4. Visit Victoria Falls.

5. Join the mile-high club (funny, I know).
6. Build my dream house (in America) and own it/live in it for the rest of my life. (See picture below)

7. Buy a vacation home and restore it in Europe.
8. Visit all 50 states.

9.  Drive cross country.
10. Take the boys to Disney World.
11. Pay off all my debt.
12. Fall in love with someone who's beautiful inside and out.
13. Visit every continent.

14.  Keep moving forward and forgive/forget the past.
15.  Bungee Jump.
16.  Skydive.
17.  Zip line through the rainforest.

My list may change, but for now this is what I've got.