This day is already emotionally hard, and I want so much but I feel incredibly selfish. Maybe I said that wrong... I want to give so much.
I'm at the Y with the boys right now, but my head and heart are elsewhere. Is he ok? Is he celebrating his birthday alone? Is he curled up with his blankets over his head wallowing? Would a hug make any of it better? Did he get my birthday card or my email? If so, did he appreciate them or does he even care that I sent them?
I detest this not-knowing. I am not a fan of uncertainty, and despite all I do, I care too much to... Not care. It's not in me.
It's not even my birthday, but I care too much about whether or not it's a good one to stop thinking about it... About him. And the silence is deafening.
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