DAY 57, Post 5

Now I'm 95% sure about what I saw earlier.  And instead of being angry, I'm just sad.

Revelations like this make me wonder why would God do this?  I know He tests us in so many ways, but why would He make us so happy just to take us to a point of unhappiness and heartbreak that was never known before?  I can't imagine the lesson that I am supposed to learn in this.

I put myself out on the line again, and I'm realizing I'm just being foolish.  An idiot is a person who keeps doing the same things over and over expecting a different result.  While I would like to think the idiot is NOT me, perhaps it is.  And it sucks.  Sucks that I would put myself out there repeatedly and only get an ounce of respect in return, at the most.

While some would say they would rather not hurt somebody and therefore not respond, I think that's chickenish and even more hurtful.  And I doubt that person can be honest with him/herself if they can't be honest with others.  And I don't want to be a digger, but dammit...  Be honest already!  What are you going to gain in the world if you can't be?  Only more hurt for you AND other people!

DAY 57, Post 4

I wish I had one of the bags of sour cream from work at home with me tonight so that I could beat the crap out of it.  Seriously, pound all the thickness out of it, four times as much as I need to at work.  THAT'S how freaking irritated I am right now.

Why?  For no concrete reason, but for a reason I'm 75% sure about.  I'm not going to say too much more, but if a whole bunch of little clues add up to what I think it COULD be, then there's a BIG lie at the other end.  And I HATE lies.

No joke, if I had a punching bag in my bedroom right now, Julie would be calling the cops, thinking someone was having the shit beat out of them.  But now, it would just be me, probably beating the shit out of my hands.

Please, God, let me be 75% wrong, and let the right path be being taken.  I don't want to believe that what I saw could be the truth.

DAY 39, Post 5

Let there be light!  CL-WoW took this light bulb out eight weeks ago, and for some reason it took me just as long to get the replacement light bulb. 

But enough procrastination already!  I don't know if I was hoping he would be back to fix it, but I finally did what I needed to tonight.  I stood on the stool and changed the light bulb myself.  And it was extremely satisfying.

Equally as satisfying was squishing an emotional flea out of my life today.  Turns out this new connection was full of lies and deceitfulness, and that's something I didn't/don't need in my life.

Side note - how can such a small dog be full of such potent farts?  Seriously, the dog walks right up behind me and lets it go.  Gag.

Tonight the boys and I went down to Ginghamsburg, despite the snow, and I attended the first session of their "Momentum for Life" series.  To my surprise, one of my neighbors was there.  The session gave me a LOT to think about!

To close out tonight, I have to share this quote, which I just borrowed from a Facebook friend's status...

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."

I wish I had read this weeks ago.