DAY 69, Post 2

Tonight I went to the recovery service at Ginghamsburg Church, and unlike my last experience there, tonight was VERY powerful.  And I walked out feeling uplifted and with a new purpose.

Tonight, I take my step back.  No more letters, emails or contact with CL-WoW...  For at least a month or two.  Because my reasons, while I have wanted to help him, HAVE been rooted in selfishness.  And yes, while I would welcome him in anytime he comes, my desires for him have taken away from my focus on Christ, my children and myself.  And I can do this no longer.  And my contact with him has taken away from his focus on Christ, his daughter and himself.  And I can't do this any longer either.

But I take my step back not with regret, but with thankfulness.  Thankfulness that I learned that I can love for another human being (besides for my boys or immediate family) in a way that I never knew possible.  Thankfulness that Christ provided me the desire and capacity to give everything that I can for someone else, no matter the hurt that he may have caused me.

So, while I step away, I will not deny that I will hold him in my thoughts.  I will pray that he and his situation improve.  I will continue to write to him, but will hold my messages in a notebook until the time comes that I can either throw them away or feel that it is time to give them to him.  And I know I will dream of him.  And I will continue to love him.  And I hope he knows that whenever he is ready/willing/able, he has at least a friend here who loves him.

BUT...  I will be more adament in focusing on my faith.  Including prayer in my day, every morning, afternoon and night.  Asking Jesus for his grace, mercy and forgiveness.  And asking that he guide me on the path that I am meant to be on.  I must add that today at work, everytime I found myself thinking about CL-WoW, I interupted myself and said the Lord's Prayer...  repeatedly.  And while I did think of CL-WoW multiple times, by repeatedly I mean that I said the Lord's Prayer repeatedly.  And tonight at service we said it again.  And oh, what a blessing that was.

As I sat in service tonight, I thought about all the recovering alcoholics and addicts sitting around me and I felt overwhelmed.  I was in awe that these wonderful people were able to turn their lives around and find salvation in Christ.  They are able to refocus their lives on something good, both for themselves and Christ.  And that is what I need to do as well.  So, thank you to my fellow service attendees.  You are an inspiration to me.  May be all find what we need in this life by following Christ and welcoming him in our lives and hearts.