Holy day from hell. And it all has to do with work. The good part is that I have a job, and nothing bad happened to me today. The bad part is... The computers were down, in various ways, all day. And I, being the lucky person that I am, was the only person the system would allow to 1) clock in and 2) be cashier. And that was only after we were open for an hour and having to process every credit card transaction with a crappy hand machine. So yea... Stressful.
Oh, and I forgot to mention that due to another (ex) employee, I went to work two hours early today (she had two no-calls/no-shows earlier this week) and opened after closing last night. I'm NOT a fan of only having eight hours between shifts.
On a different note... Emails were exchanged last night and very early this morning. They started with a not-so-nice one from me, followed by a not-so-nice one from him, followed by an apology from him and then a couple of others. I continue to worry about him, but am going to limit my contact to Wednesdays for the time being. I guess they will be "Happy Hump Day" messages. As much as he is used to doing everything on his own, for reasons I DO understand, I want to remind him that he is not alone.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
DAY 58, Post 2
With friends and family who love me and have always wanted to see me reach my full potential, I've never had to worry about receiving an earful of encouragement, advice or criticism, even when I didn't want it. And although I haven't always listened, I'm extremely grateful that these wonderful people are in my life.
I sit here at work, on my break, thinking about people who don't have the support I do. They struggle through life, no one to guide them or hold their hand, or even to tell them when they've fucked up (pardon my language). They repeatedly make the wrong mistakes, and like an idiot expect a different result each time. And unfortunately for some of these people, when something good does come to them, they find a way to mess that up.
I think I've been an enabler of such people. I've tried to be a nice person, and as such have not given the (constructive) criticism that was due. And it's as detrimental to me as it is to them. I stand by, caring and worrying, offering my positive emotional support, yet nothing is gained. For me or them. They still haven't learned as I chose to be quiet with my opinions and thoughts. And that sucks for the both of us. Because while things could change, they don't.
So what do I do? Change myself for other people? Or can I look at it as changing myself for myself? Speak up when I have an opinion at the risk of hurting others? And I have to ask myself... What does God want me to do? Because my current ways don't seem to make a difference. And that makes me one of those idiots.
I sit here at work, on my break, thinking about people who don't have the support I do. They struggle through life, no one to guide them or hold their hand, or even to tell them when they've fucked up (pardon my language). They repeatedly make the wrong mistakes, and like an idiot expect a different result each time. And unfortunately for some of these people, when something good does come to them, they find a way to mess that up.
I think I've been an enabler of such people. I've tried to be a nice person, and as such have not given the (constructive) criticism that was due. And it's as detrimental to me as it is to them. I stand by, caring and worrying, offering my positive emotional support, yet nothing is gained. For me or them. They still haven't learned as I chose to be quiet with my opinions and thoughts. And that sucks for the both of us. Because while things could change, they don't.
So what do I do? Change myself for other people? Or can I look at it as changing myself for myself? Speak up when I have an opinion at the risk of hurting others? And I have to ask myself... What does God want me to do? Because my current ways don't seem to make a difference. And that makes me one of those idiots.
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